Maybe I Am The Problem

I wasn’t aware of the Soup Rule.

Standing in line at Panera and the person in front of me was tormented with indecision trying to decide what to order for lunch. Her painful deadlock was eventually resolved when she determined that it was too hot for soup and ordered the sandwich instead.

Yes, it certainly was hot that day, and apparently the high heat disqualified soup from lunch contention.

I like soup. I just never knew there were parameters limiting its availability for consumption.

I’m not sure how rules like this get started, but at some point she accepted the elevated reading on the outdoor thermometer as a valid reason to limit her dining options. For me, if I want soup I’ll have soup regardless of the weather conditions. But the more I thought about this, I realized for me this was no longer about the soup. This morphed into me starting to examine the limiting parameters I may have placed upon myself.

As I ate my lunch, I thought about my own rules, the guiding parameters and nuances I’ve willingly accepted in my life. The beliefs and ideals that influence the habits and actions which shape my life. Some were my cultural and tribal inheritance, others I created for myself. Taking inventory of your own beliefs and ideals provides you with the opportunity to evaluate them. Which ones serve you? Which ones no longer do? Which ones never did? Which ones are you willing to let go of?

My beliefs and ideals have given me the life I have, a life I am infinitely grateful to have. Life, though, is a never ending work in progress, ever evolving in front of us. As I continue to grow and evolve, am I allowing my beliefs and ideals to grow and evolve with me?

Or is what I accept that I am holding me back from becoming who I was created to be?

Photo by Juan Miranda Ferris on Unsplash

The Freedom Of Possibility

It was one of the stupidest decisions I’ve ever made.

Driving home from a late night out in the big city with a few friends. In front of me was a wide open stretch of highway which for some unknown reason inspired me to wonder just how fast my car could actually go. Fueled by a potentially lethal combination of teenage invincibility and alcohol, I pressed the pedal as hard as I could just to see exactly how fast my ’73 Toyota could go.

My experiment was cut short by a rather unsettling noise coming from the rear tires. Apparently the high rate of speed I was traveling at created a great deal of heat causing the retreads on my tires to separate from the tires, which I discovered after stopping to see if I could find where the noise was coming from. I had no idea that was even possible until I held a piece of a tire in my hand. After that experience, I had no intention of ever finding out exactly how fast that car could go.

Things certainly could have easily turned out much differently.

This far more mature and long-sober version of me often ponders a different sort of experiment. What would the outcome be if I pushed myself to my limits. Like, if I gave life all I had to give, Continue reading “The Freedom Of Possibility” →

The Willingness To Ask

Spending $72.00 on M&M’s was much easier than I thought it would be.

I’m in New York City with the family, Times Square. And in Times Square is a huge retail store dedicated to just one thing.

M&M’s.

On three floor with over 25,000 square feet of space, for me the highlight of visiting is always the Wall Of Chocolate, a 50 foot wide 2-stories tall collection of 74 tubes filled with every M&M imaginable. Grab a plastic bag, place it under the tube, open the chute, and the color of your choice drops into your bag. Then off to the next color. And then the next color.

The fun adds up.

And at $17.00 per pound, so does the cost.

Standing in the checkout line I had no idea how much I had spent, but from the weight of the bag I knew it would be steep. It was a fun experience, the kids were quite happy, and it’s hard to assign a dollar value to that.

The cashier was quite engaging, and we had a nice conversation while she weighed and scanned each of the bags we’d filled. “$71.85 is your total.” As I handed my card over for payment, I jokingly suggested I should have asked for a “friends and family” discount based upon the jovial nature of our conversation. Apparently she thought that was a good idea, and to my surprise, I was given 30% off my total.

I really wasn’t expecting a discount. But in asking, even jokingly, I did receive one.

If you don’t ask the answer is always no.

Asking can be rather uncomfortable at times. Especially when we are asking ourselves some uncomfortable questions. About our life. About what we want for our life. About where we are in life in relation to what we want in our life.

Often it’s just easier to take what’s in front of us and to take what life has given us and be on our way. Avoiding any introspective questions means we don’t need to deal with their potential discomfort. In time, though, such avoidance creates its own inevitable discomfort as you eventually acknowledge the gap between where you are and where you want to be.

Much of our willingness to accept less than we want for ourselves is an underlying mindset that we may believe we are somehow unworthy of receiving all that is ours to receive. And if we don’t feel we are worthy of it, we certainly won’t be asking for it. In accepting this premise, we will perpetuate our existing life experience creating additional evidence we will use to support this premise of unworthiness. Continue reading “The Willingness To Ask” →

The Only Flaw Is Thinking That You’re Flawed

It was one of those oversized envelopes stuffed in the mail box. It looked pretty important, unlike most of the things I find stuffed in my mail box.

The manufacturer of my car was notifying me of a recall, something to do with some part of the fuel pump which needed to be replaced. When I called to schedule the service appointment, I was assured this was no big deal. Anthony explained there was some sort of design flaw impacting the original fuel pumps but the new ones are ready to install.

Flaws. In automobiles they’ve figured out how to correct them when the performance of the vehicle isn’t meeting certain standards. In humans, though, flaws are a bit of a different story.

It’s all about the story.

The story we tell ourselves about ourselves.

At some point in our lives we start to accept certain things about ourselves. And we’re quite good of identifying and accepting the not so good stuff we tell ourselves about ourselves. Flaws, we call them.

There is a certain peace in accepting your flaws. You’re no longer fighting against yourself. Your acceptance of these limitations and shortcomings act as some sort of loving and Continue reading “The Only Flaw Is Thinking That You’re Flawed” →

Life, Unleashed

There are two dogs living in my head.

There’s the old one. The one who has quite the collection of scars and bruises which one can only get by living. The emotional beatings have forged a mindset some would choose to call wisdom, if they had the wisdom to do so. Such life lessons, though, often leave a myopic view of what is truly possible moving forward.

And then there’s the puppy, alive with curiosity and endless energy, obliviously moving forward, not yet jaded by life’s often cruel way of teaching the things it feels the need to teach. The puppy’s childlike mindset is one of fearless possibilities, of discovery and expansion.

These are the two dogs living in my head.

At various times in my life I’ve been both of these animals. At times silently jaded and hopelessly resigned to what is. At times highly energized and fully alive, ready to chase any stick the Continue reading “Life, Unleashed” →

Smashing Through Your Own Glass Ceiling

Instagram reminded me of an experiment I first saw years ago. Researchers had placed fleas into a glass jar and sealed it shut with the glass lid. Instinctively, the fleas attempted to jump out of the jar to their freedom but with each jump were stymied as they hit the glass lid above them. Frustrated, at some point the fleas simply stopped jumping. And when the researchers removed the glass lid, the fleas remained in the jar, now conditioned to accept their captivity even with the barrier to their freedom removed.

I kind of understand the fleas’ take on this. They tried repeatedly to make it out of the jar without success. At some point, when do you simply stop looking for a way out and accept your limitations and learn to live with them?

As part of my journey, I’ve thought a great deal about my own limitations. Specifically, where did they come from and who put them there? Limitations are an extension of a belief system, and my belief system for a good portion of my life was a belief system I inherited. No one ever sat me down and clearly defined the limitations I would eventually accept as my own. Rather, I witnessed them slowly unfold around me in real time, destined to perpetuate a belief system which I knew wouldn’t serve me but accepted none the less.

The glass ceiling on the jar of my life was never actually there. It didn’t matter, though. I never knew I could actually jump.

Until I decided to started jumping.

The things we choose to believe about who we are and what’s possible for us will greatly shape our identity, which will always shape our life. We can accept the limited version of where we are as some sort of fate or destiny, pointing to our life experience as evidence of such, further conditioned to accept our own form of captivity. Or, we can decide to think outside of the jar, out-jumping the limitations we’ve accepted, free to more fully express ourselves as we choose to redefine our self identity as one of possibility and expansion.

Limitations are simply opinions we’ve accepted as truths. But we get to decide what is true for us.

It doesn’t matter how those limitations got there.

What matters now is what we decide to do with them.

You’ll be amazed at how high you can jump…

Photo by Jilbert Ebrahimi on Unsplash

A New Tradition Of Authentic Self Expression

Donuts.

I’m not a big fan of rumors, but when I hear one about donuts my ears do perk up just a little bit.

I’m at Alexa and Juan’s wedding. And there they are. Donuts. An entire table full of donuts. Some stacked high, others displayed on large platters. Donuts.

Having attended a fair amount of weddings over the years, I’ve never had donuts at the reception. Donuts took the place of the more traditional wedding cake. I do love cake, but donuts are as perfect as a dessert could ever be. As I munched on yet another donut I scored at the donut table, I started thinking about the traditions which make up what we’ve come to expect at ceremonies like weddings.

Weddings can often be pretty formulaic, almost an assembly line of sorts taking two committed people and merging them into a married couple. An assembly line built around a framework of traditions which are almost always expected to be upheld as part of that process even if those getting married perhaps didn’t honestly want to celebrate the most significant of their days in that manner.

Marriage is a sacred tradition. Not from a dogmatic standpoint. It’s far more significant than that. The voluntary union of two willing hearts committing themselves to each other for all their living days, no Continue reading “A New Tradition Of Authentic Self Expression” →

Maybe It’s Time To Stop Eating Burnt Toast?

“People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar.” Thich Nhat Hanh

We really are creatures of habit, aren’t we? Even if those habits are somewhat detrimental to our well being. Even if those habits prevent us from growing more fully into who it is we know we were created to become.

Habits are familiar. They become part of our identity. What is known and accepted comes with it’s own sense of predictability which creates a sense of safety, even if that safety feels uncomfortable and often empty.

But, for some, it’s better than the fear inherent with what’s unknown.

Burnt toast isn’t ideal, but if it’s all you’ve known, it’s just easier to simply settle and keep eating it, even if better options are readily available.

I’ve had my share of life’s burnt toast. Of settling for less than in the presence of abundant alternatives. The acceptance of my Continue reading “Maybe It’s Time To Stop Eating Burnt Toast?” →

Self Image And The Validity Of Limitations

It was anything but a graceful fall from grace. On some level I knew it was supposed to happen. So, on a different level I made it happen.

I was playing well above my head and my head knew it. I had climbed a bit too high on the corporate ladder, higher than I felt I should have. So I did what I needed to do to keep me aligned with the vision I had created for myself by my self.

We often blame self sabotage as the reason we crash and burn, how we at times seemingly act in ways which undermine what we feel are our best efforts to grow and change. Career, diet, and relationships are all prime ares where despite our best efforts we end up working against ourselves.

In order to keep ourself our self.

Do we really see ourself as being that successful? Of being in that great physical shape? Of being in a healthy relationship?

No, it’s not really sabotage. All we are doing is self regulating, returning to who it is we believe ourselves to be. Realigning with that all-powerful inner vision which controls and regulates what we subconsciously feel is possible for us. We get what we expect Continue reading “Self Image And The Validity Of Limitations” →

Silencing Our Own Voice

I remember when I brought her home for the first time.

Betsy, I called her. I’m still not sure why. But, Betsy would be her name going forward.

She was beautiful, perfect in my eyes. She being my first electric guitar.

Me? I was gonna be a rock star. I already had the hair.

There was only one problem.

I had always wanted an electric guitar, and I had heard that Mr. Britto on Smith Street had one he was willing to sell. My enthusiasm convinced my Mom that she should let me spend the money I had saved and buy it. It was $40 back when $40 was a lot more than what $40 is today.

I didn’t know how to play guitar when I bought it, but I assured Mom that I’d learn. Taking music lessons didn’t quite excite me, no matter how good I was at playing scales or “Mary Had A Little Lamb”. I had a few friends who played guitar, and I was able to learn a bit from them. Ultimately, I sort of just dabbled with it, occasionally made some noise, and eventually Betsy ended up under my bed in the case I first brought her home in.

That one problem?

I never really thought of myself as a guitarist.

A few years back I found the guitar while cleaning out a closet. Immediately my mind went back to that 14 year old wide-eyed, long haired version of me. Eventually, though, I started thinking about what I hadn’t done with that guitar, about the music I didn’t make with that guitar. Like, why didn’t I?

Because I never allowed myself to do so.

What holds us back from being all we were created to be is our belief system. How we see ourselves pretty much determines what we are willing to allow ourselves to be. In music. And in life. Our identity of who we accept ourselves to be regulates everything. If our beliefs are limited, so, too, will be what we are willing to allow ourselves to become. In music. And in life. I never really saw myself as someone who could confidently play the guitar, and I met those expectations with precision.

I used to regret lots of things, things far more significant than not learning to play the guitar. But the root cause of all of those regrets was the same. A belief system limiting what I accepted as possible for me. Even if I told myself I wanted to be more, I was never going to let me do or accomplish anything more than my belief system would let me.

Regrets can crush you or they can be the fuel that moves you forward. I’ve opted for the fuel route.

The good thing about any limiting belief is it can be changed. First you need to be open to the reality that you actually have them and self-aware to compassionately notice them. Not everything we think is true. We just think it is. But when you identify or suspect thoughts which are limiting in nature, you have the right, ability, and obligation to change them.

But that’s on you. Nothing on the outside can change what we are unwilling to change on the inside.

Is there something on the inside that needs to change in order for you to fully express who you were created to become?

Challenging what I think has been such a critical tool in my overall growth, especially what I think about me and what’s possible for me. The mind which can create limitations can also destroy them.

It works both ways.

The guitar? It now hangs on my office wall. I have no desire to learn to play it. Rather, it’s there to remind me of what self-imposed limitations can look like. In music. And in life.

What’s holding you back?

What music are you not allowing yourself to make?

Your music, your voice, is far too important not to be fully expressed.

Peter Mis LivingHalfFull.com

Lessons From A Life Unfolding

Tag: limitations