“The inner emotional battlefield is dramatically different when you’re no longer fighting against yourself.”

If consistency is good, I guess I’ve gotten good at being more mindful. With intention and practice I’ve grown much more self aware of where I am emotionally and energetically. My morning meditation has played an important role in me getting myself reset and grounded as I start my new day. 

It’s become a daily ritual whose benefits are often undermined by others longstanding daily rituals.

Feeling a bit tired and lethargic, a little over a month ago I voluntarily entered into my own beverage detox program. No coffee, no tea, no soda, no energy drinks. All I’ve been drinking is water. And it’s not because I don’t like caffeine and sugary drinks. 

I just don’t like what they do to me.

Much of my “inner work” has been about me trying to find an emotional equilibrium. Of trying to get to emotionally firm ground and to be better at managing the inevitable peaks and valleys of my life experience from a more foundational place. 

On my path I’ve consumed a great deal of information and insights through books and workshops and from actually doing “the work”. What I’ve found in the last few weeks is that what I’ve been physically consuming was greatly undermining “the work” I’ve been doing trying to get to my place of peace.

Caffeine and sugar are powerful stimulants proven to jump start any new day. I don’t need to understand the science behind how they do what they do, but at some point during the day I’ll probably need more of what they do to avoid the crash which comes when they stop doing what they do. 

I start my day to ground myself in moments of meditative stillness, yet I willingly embrace the consumption of stimulants throughout my day which keep me anything but still.

The intention of a month of only drinking water was to give my tired mind and body a bit of a break. But what I’ve unexpectedly received is the clarity to see how I was actually working against my own inner peace. How I’ve been activating and empowering two opposing forces to work against the very peace I’ve spent most of my life looking for. I’d obliviously created my own inner emotional battlefield one cup of liquid stimulation at a time.

The stimulant-free month has been uncomfortably peaceful. I’m suddenly more patient, more present. Flowing, not forcing. I’ve experienced higher levels of awareness without experiencing the habitual anxious emotional inner responses to what I see. It takes a lot more to annoy me, and in my grounded space I’ve been able to not reactively respond to situations when I do find myself slightly annoyed. 

I’ve been able to experience the emotional balance and equilibrium that has been ever-elusive.

The inner emotional battlefield is dramatically different when you’re no longer fighting against yourself.

In our search for whatever we are looking for, often we believe the answer involves embracing new habits, new mindsets, new people, or new experiences.

Sometimes, though, it’s what we remove from our lives which gets us closer to where we long to be.

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