So here I am. Sitting behind the wheel of my life. The ultimate road trip. There is no final destination entered into the GPS because, well, life simply doesn’t work that way. You know where you started, you know where you are, you may even know where you want to go, yet life has a way of unfolding so you’re just never 100% sure of exactly where you’re going.
Who’s with me on this ride of my life?
All of the different versions of me.
The different versions of me? Sure. There’s the Optimist Me. The Uncertain Me. The Fearful Me. The highly-caffeinated Excitable Me. The Grateful Me. The Regretful Me. The Deeply Introspective and Spiritual Me. The Overwhelmed Me. The Unworthy Me.
Lots of different parts of Me.
Each of these parts of me has their own unique voice, their own unique perspective shaped by environment and experience. Certain voices, though, were not always welcomed at the table. I worked hard to keep some of them repressed. When certain parts of you are silenced and ignored by you it creates a fertile breeding ground for your own inner civil war.
Life has been a non-linear meandering journey of learning and unlearning, of trying to understand and to be understood. Of trying Continue reading “Ending The Inner Battle Against Myself” →
Who knew that turkey gravy could be an emotional trigger?
My mom elevated turkey gravy to unprecedented levels. Flour, drippings, a little bit of this, a little bit of that. Pure magic.
I could drink her gravy by the bowl.
These days, making the gravy is my responsibility. Even with the same ingredients, try as I might I’ve yet to replicate her level of mastery. Maybe it’s a Mom thing?
This past Thanksgiving was the second one without Mom. She had long retired from cooking on Thanksgiving, but now she is no longer at the table with us.
I always think of her when I make the gravy. I can still see her at the stove with the metal whisk in her hand effortlessly beating the ingredients into a cohesive submission as the flames danced up the sides of the sauce pan. Not a measuring spoon in sight. She just knew.
It’s always an emotional time for me.
It’s a process, grieving is. A personal process. A non-linear often unpredictable process, often without an end date.
Often processed alone.
There is no one “right” way to grieve. No one “right” way to get to the other side of the pain. I’m not even sure if there is another side to get to.
Often we don’t understand why the hurt still hurts, why the emptiness still feels so empty. Especially when we try to convince Continue reading “Owning The Emptiness and The Permission To Grieve” →
Walking into the auditorium I honestly didn’t know what to expect. The event was billed as an evening with a musician who had been physically healed, in part, by music and has since helped others to heal through the sharing of his gift of music.
I didn’t know Andrew, but I soon became intrigued by his story. A tumor, initially thought to be cancerous was actually benign. However, the celebration quickly subsided as Andrew’s body began to shut down from an allergic anaphylactic shock while recovering from his surgery. For several days he vacillated between life and death, comatose in the Surgical Intensive Care Unit at New York’s Mount Sinai Beth Israel Medical Center. Sensing Andrew had perhaps lost his desire to live, out of fear and desperation his wife Continue reading “Are You Willing To Share The Healing Power of You?” →