The instructions make it look fairly simple.

Doing so is anything but.

If life is a book full of lessons I need to learn, I’ve reached the chapter called Detachment. Detachment, as in releasing outcomes and expectations.

How hard could that be, right?

For most of my journey, desired future outcomes served as an aspirational distraction from me being where I told myself I didn’t want to be. The future destination gave me something to look forward to, gave me something to work towards. The journey was always rife with impatience, with me trying to speed up my self imposed time line, trying to force the fruit to ripen long before it ever was ready to. I needed my outcomes and patiently waiting for them to materialize was not something I was particularly good at.

In the previous chapters of my life I did get quite good at noticing when I was trying to force things to happen. More importantly a deeper inner discussion helped me to understand why. 

I’d often struggle with Now. The present moment was uncomfortable, somewhat painful at times. Long-held fears, doubts, and uncertainties always seemed to ruin most of my present moments so arbitrary future outcomes provided me with something else to look forward to. Running away was the only consistent option, and I always needed a place to run to. 

Running away meant never having to deal with those long-held fears, doubts, and uncertainties. 

But you can never outrun yourself. 

I’ve gotten much better at trusting me, trusting my process, trusting my evolution. Of not needing people, situations, or outcomes to be what I need them to be when I need them to be. Working through the reasons I was always running away from Now has allowed me to better embrace the Now exactly as it is. I don’t always like the Now, but I’m no longer compelled to fearfully run away from it. I’ve learned to set my intentions and work toward them, having gained the ability to release my need for them to arrive and to do so on my schedule. Trusting me, trusting my process, trusting my evolution.

Detachment feels somewhat counterintuitive to the habitual ways I’ve long known and accepted. It’s some of the hardest work I’ve done on me, but nothing has brought me as much peaceful groundedness as much as learning to detach myself from outcomes and expectations. 

Detachment isn’t a passive pursuit. It isn’t simply sitting back and taking what comes your way. There are a great many outcomes I intend to experience and enjoy, but my peace and happiness are not contingent upon them happening.

There is a great deal of emotional freedom which comes from no longer forcing your future.

Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

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