I Was The One I Was Looking For All Along

The two silver oversized balloons she carried out of the party store meant someone special was having a birthday. A big birthday as indicated by the helium-filled “5” and “0” she held tightly as she made her way across the parking lot.

I don’t remember the specific details of the exact day I turned the Big 5-0. But little did I know it would be the first day of my most significant decade of personal growth and transformation.

A milestone birthday can serve as a catalyst for change, but me turning 50 felt more like an extension of being 49. The odometer marking the miles of my life may have turned over, but I was still traveling the same road at the same pace, a road with many miles behind me and hopefully many more in front of me. Same road, same view, just another year older.

Hardly a catalyst.

The real catalyst was a growing sense of inner frustration. Nothing in particular, more of a general level of discontent and misalignment which peaked by the middle of the decade.

I’d always carried a silent frustration within me. Life was something I’d often struggle to understand as well as my place in it. The outside world never saw that side, a side whose voice I was quite good at repressing. In time I learned such a powerful voice can never be fully silenced and as I approached birthday number 55 that voice had become more determined to be heard. It grew louder, more persistent, at times even hostile. It had something to tell me and it was going to get me to notice.

Life does have a way of getting your attention, doesn’t it? At first the hints are subtle, slight Continue reading “I Was The One I Was Looking For All Along” →

When Nothing Has To Be Anything Other Than It Is

That’s the elusive sweet spot.

No resistance, no forcing, no needing, no grasping.

Accepting without resentment or expectation.

Flowing without forcing.

Trusting the process, the unfolding.

Acceptance is not a passive undertaking by any means. It’s a conscious and intentional decision to see things as they are, even if you might not like what you see.

It isn’t easy getting to such a peaceful place.

It’s quite difficult staying there when you do.

But when you know where you really are, it’s much easier to get where you’re going.

Photo by Maxime Doré on Unsplash

The Color Of Courageous Authenticity

Fourteen.

That’s our personal record. That’s the number of paint samples we evaluated as we looked to refresh the family room. The first five samples weren’t very exciting, neither were the next five, and the last four were one final attempt to find that one elusive color we’d been hoping to find to bring the room alive.

Ultimately we selected one of the first five we looked at.

With infinite color choices readily available, we ended up with more of what we already had. At the sample stage we were bold and adventurous, inspired to create and take chances. But when it came time to commit to something outside of our ordinary we instead chose more of our ordinary. Bold and adventurous gave way to the familiar and safe.

What could have been had we been willing to actually create it.

Life sometimes feels like a room that could use a little refreshing. A chance to recolor our world to better reflect who we really are and who we know we were created to become. To no longer accept the narrow color palate of a life that was expected of us and to instead embrace our own bold and adventurous colors, colors only we can bring into this world.

There’s nothing fundamentally wrong with familiar and safe. Unless familiar and safe serve as limiting parameters preventing us from growing, evolving, and expressing our truest colors.

In a world where we can be anything, may we find the courage to express our most authentic self.

Photo by russn_fckr on Unsplash

Which Voice Do You Listen To?

Clarity.

The search for meaning, purpose, direction. Of sorting through the past and the present in hopes of shaping your aligned future. Those willing to dive into the deep end of their own emotional pool will first need to faithfully navigate the murkiness of what is in order to then be able to find the pathway towards the version of themselves they’re looking for.

But clarity has its detractors. Usually those who’ve never chosen to confront their own inner murkiness.

The process of becoming is a lonely one. The voice within often taunted by the voices outside of you, familiar voices, voices you’d expect to give you the space to grow instead working to keep you where they’d rather have you stay.

Which voice do you listen to?

On my meandering path forward I’ve learned to focus more on the expectations I have for myself. I’ve given myself the space to grow. My path is my responsibility and my voice is the one I’ve learned to value and trust to guide me down my path.

Others don’t have to understand nor be supportive.

I’m not waiting around for them to do so.

Photo by Papaioannou Kostas on Unsplash

One Decision At A Time

To the outside world it wasn’t that big of a mountain. But it was my mountain and when you’re standing at the base of a mountain you’ve never climbed looking up towards the peak can feel quite daunting.

Mountains come in different shapes and sizes. Some are physical in nature, a great many more are the emotional and psychological inner mountains no one else can see. Embracing life-defining decisions can be even more daunting than standing before any physical mountain.

The process of getting from where you are to where you want to be is the same no matter what kind of mountain you are climbing. It’s the decision to start, it’s the decision to keep going. One decision followed by the decision to keep moving forward and then the next decision to do the same. One next step at a time. One decision at a time.

Will I take one more drink to keep numbing the pain? Will I decide to sleep in instead of get up early to exercise? Will I keep tolerating their behavior because I tell myself it’s just easier?

Every moment gives us the opportunity to decide if we are willing to move forward or if we are willing to stay where we already are.

We don’t have to climb the entire mountain at once. We just need to be willing to take the first step and then the next one after that.

Not always an easy process. But that’s the process. No matter the mountain you’ve chosen to climb.

One decision at a time.

Photo by Lindsay Henwood on Unsplash

No One Is Going To Claim Your Peace For You

You’d think with something as important as inner peace would come with instructions as to how to find it. And maybe that’s been the problem. We think we’re supposed to be looking for it as if it’s out there somewhere, elusively eluding our efforts to find it.

Peace isn’t something you find. It’s something you claim.

Peace is a decision gift-wrapped in self awareness and discernment. I don’t have to engage, respond, react, nor participate. I don’t have to defend, deny, explain, nor justify.

I need not allow myself to get sucked up in a vortex of contentious hostility.

Yet I often do until I realize what I have done.

“Is this worth my peace?” I’ve learned to silently ask myself.

It almost never is.

My peace is my decision. It is an intention. It is always an available option, in every moment, always worthy of me prioritizing and protecting it.

When I remember it’s not something you find.

It’s something you claim.

Photo by Nathan Fertig on Unsplash

The Emotional Freedom Of Letting Go

The instructions make it look fairly simple.

Doing so is anything but.

If life is a book full of lessons I need to learn, I’ve reached the chapter called Detachment. Detachment, as in releasing outcomes and expectations.

How hard could that be, right?

For most of my journey, desired future outcomes served as an aspirational distraction from me being where I told myself I didn’t want to be. The future destination gave me something to look forward to, gave me something to work towards. The journey was always rife with impatience, Continue reading “The Emotional Freedom Of Letting Go” →

Embracing The Intentionality Of Nature

The signs are everywhere. The green buds on the barren branches. The yellow daffodils starting their annual bloom. The chirping of the birds greeting the sunrise.

Spring has sprung, leaving the cold and colorless winter behind.

Nature is a wise teacher, and Spring is one of its favorite lessons. Renewal and rebirth. My favorite lesson, though, is one often overlooked and rarely considered.

Intention.

Nature isn’t random. It doesn’t dabble. It creates with intention. Everything is uniquely purposeful, everything created to express itself fully. Every bud, every bug, every blade of grass fulfilling the intentional promise of its creation, significant and purposeful in their own unique way.

Nature reminds me that I am not random. I, too, was created with intention, with a unique purpose only I can express, a purpose intended to be fully expressed. Within us is the opportunity Continue reading “Embracing The Intentionality Of Nature” →

Sometimes You Forget…

That you are beautiful.

That you matter.

That you are irreplaceable.

That you are precious.

That you are loved.

That you are seen.

That there is nothing to prove.

That you’ve never been too much.

That there is only one you, that all you ever have to be is you.

Authentically and unapologetically you.

If you’ve forgotten, let this be your reminder.

Photo by Margo Evardson on Unsplash

The Unspoken Energy Of Gratitude

If you give me a moment I can easily provide you with a list of things in my life I wish were better, different, or unwanted. Of expectations unmet, of needs unfulfilled, of frustrations silently churning within.

But I’d rather tell you what’s going right.

Life lets us decide what we will focus on. It lets us decide how we will define the moments of our life. I can see the darkness or I can choose to see the light. I can see what’s missing, or I can see all the good that I already have.

I can be grateful for all I have. I can be equally grateful to be able to see what I feel is wrong and I can be grateful for my ability to change my perceptions accordingly.

There is an unspoken energy of gratitude. It changes me. It centers me. It soothes me. It brings me back to me, the real me who can see the blessings hidden in plain sight, blessings I’d often be too emotionally discombobulated to ever see.

Too busy looking for what’s always been right in front of me.

I’m grateful I’ve gotten to this point in my life.

Photo by Bernd 📷 Dittrich on Unsplash

Peter Mis LivingHalfFull.com

Lessons From A Life Unfolding

Tag: peace