Ending The Inner Battle Against Myself

Ending The Inner Battle Against Myself

So here I am. Sitting behind the wheel of my life. The ultimate road trip. There is no final destination entered into the GPS because, well, life simply doesn’t work that way. You know where you started, you know where you are, you may even know where you want to go, yet life has a way of unfolding so you’re just never 100% sure of exactly where you’re going.

Who’s with me on this ride of my life?

Me.

All of the different versions of me.

The different versions of me? Sure. There’s the Optimist Me. The Uncertain Me. The Fearful Me. The highly-caffeinated Excitable Me. The Grateful Me. The Regretful Me. The Deeply Introspective and Spiritual Me. The Overwhelmed Me. The Unworthy Me.

Lots of different parts of Me.

Each of these parts of me has their own unique voice, their own unique perspective shaped by environment and experience. Certain voices, though, were not always welcomed at the table. I worked hard to keep some of them repressed. When certain parts of you are silenced and ignored by you it creates a fertile breeding ground for your own inner civil war.

Life has been a non-linear meandering journey of learning and unlearning, of trying to understand and to be understood. Of trying Continue reading “Ending The Inner Battle Against Myself”

The Most Important Valentine Of All

The Most Important Valentine Of All

It probably would never work.

My idea for a new holiday.

It would be like Valentine’s Day, but the focus wouldn’t be on expressing our love towards a significant other.

It would be on expressing our love towards our significant self.

It often feels so much easier to extend love outward than it does inward, doesn’t it? To shower others with the cards and the candy and the flowers and the fancy dinners. But to shower our self with such objects of affection?

Probably not.

It’s too bad. Because we are equally worthy to receive from ourself the same love we are far more comfortable giving to others.

Perhaps when asking others to be your Valentine, maybe you could ask yourself as well?

Self love is never optional.

Photo by DESIGNECOLOGIST on Unsplash

Mona Lisa and the Defective Twinkies

Mona Lisa and the Defective Twinkies

All my life they’ve been perfect. Every single one of them. So you can imagine my surprise when I opened the package and I saw something I had never seen before.

A defective Twinkie.

Yup.

It was still a Twinkie, but it was a bit misshaped, as if something happened during the baking process and wasn’t noticed by the quality control people. 

How did I know it was defective? Because I know what Twinkies are supposed to look like. I’ve been eating them all my life. This basis of comparison told me this one just wasn’t what it was supposed to be.

Flawed.

Comparison is a necessary component providing a standard by which all others will be judged. It works perfectly well for Twinkies. 

But not so much for humans.

Us humans tend to be surrounded by countless opportunities to compare ourselves to everyone around us, aren’t we? And what we see or think we see has the ability to impact us greatly if we decide to let it.

We are not Twinkies.

Each year over 400 million perfect Twinkies are produced, but there is and will only ever be just one of each of us. Since there is only one of us, each divinely unique, there can’t be another “perfect” version of us out there to compare ourselves to. With that, there is no legitimate basis of comparison between humans simply because another one of us could never exist. Each of us are a singular once-in-forever expression of our Creation. Defects and flaws, logically, can’t ever exist in a human since each of us are the original masterpiece, the one and the only you. There are no defects or flaws in da Vinci’s “Mona Lisa” simply because there is only one Mona Lisa. Only one. 

Just like you.

Perfect exactly as you were created to be.

Sure, we all have things we’d like to improve about ourselves. I have quite the list of things I am working on. That doesn’t make us defective or flawed; it simply means we’re evolving and growing.

Growing more into who only we were created to become.

Perfectly.

The Art Of Working Against Yourself

The Art Of Working Against Yourself

Maggie and Watson never like to stay in the yard. Our two strong and high energy dogs love to run free chasing whatever they are chasing. Sometimes they are just running for the sake of running. In our fenceless neighborhood, the dogs have no idea where our yard ends and the neighbor’s yard begins. They see no limits or boundaries. They just run.

Recently, we looked into installing an invisible fence, for their protection and our neighbor’s peace of mind. The technology is quite impressive. We define the parameters of where the dogs are free to run, and to condition them where their boundaries are a small device on their collars emits an uncomfortable charge as they get closer to the limits of their space. In time, the conditioning helps Maggie & Watson know their limitations almost instinctively. They’ll know how far they can go.

Kind of like us humans.

And we don’t even need a collar.

The greatest thing standing between where we are and where we want to be in life are the limitations we set for ourselves. The limitations we’ve conditioned ourselves to accept as true. Through the course of our lives we’ve set our own boundaries for how much we are willing to allow to be possible for us. Much like that invisible fence prevents the dogs from running free, our thoughts, both consciously and unconsciously, tend to keep us in our own yard, a fixed space that keeps us exactly where we are.

Understanding your limitations often requires you to look at your life from a different perspective. I never knew I had limitations, simply because I never thought I had anything to do with why my life wasn’t where I had wanted it to be. Blame is far easier than acceptance. How could I be undermining my own growth and evolution? Why would I do that to myself? Yet when I was able to step back and observe and listen to the stories I was telling myself, I could actually see how I had unintentionally constructed my own invisible fence of limitation.

Those stories of lack and shortage and unworthiness become hard wired into our emotional DNA every time we speak them to ourselves. And like the invisible fence, our thoughts train us as to where we will allow ourselves to go in life. We may see exactly where we want to be yet we’ll never let ourselves get there. All because of the limiting stories we repeatedly and often unconsciously tell ourself.

I’ve felt the inner conflict between what I told myself I wanted and what I was willing to allow myself to receive. The same mind which could envision the future of my dreams was the same mind working to convince me I would never attain it. I knew what I wanted for me but I would always find ways to make sure it never materialized. Until I started listening I had no idea this limiting and conflicting dialog was actually taking place.

Recognizing this conflict was my starting point in changing the stories I was telling myself. Our subconscious doesn’t care what we think about who we are. It just reinforces what we tell it and always finds ways for us to remain exactly where we’ve told ourselves we belong, even if we don’t want to be there. Abundance or lack. Worthy or unworthy. Your story is your story and you’ll never out run it or out work it.

The good news is we can always change the stories we tell ourselves.

So, what about you? What are some of the stories you tell you about you? Do you see yourself worthy to receive the unlimited abundance which is all around you? Or does life feel stuck and you’ve accepted that what is will always be?

Listen to those voices in your head. Step outside of you and just listen to what you say to yourself, especially when life gets challenging. Self awareness is the critical first step in understanding where you actually are in your life, and once you understand where you are it’s much easier to get to where you really want to go.

If you want a different life you need to tell yourself the stories that will make such a life possible.

And it’s possible.

It’s a great day to be you!

The Ultimate New Year’s Resolution

The Ultimate New Year’s Resolution

So here we are again, day one of a brand new year. Many will greet this day with a renewed sense of passion. This is finally going to be their year! This is the year we stick to the resolutions, many of which have been continuously rolled over from years prior. But this year is gonna be different, we tell ourselves.

At some point, though, resolutions become work. At some point we lose the initial jolt of adrenaline and slowly we revert back to who we have always been, guided by that “little voice” in our head reminding us of who we think we really are and who we think we are Continue reading “The Ultimate New Year’s Resolution”

What A Tomato Can Teach You About Loving Yourself

What A Tomato Can Teach You About Loving Yourself

“Dude…they look weird!”

On a recent trip to Whole Foods I was intrigued by the conflicting comments of two young teens. They had just stopped to look at a display of heirloom tomatoes. One offered his “they look weird” opinion while the other thought they looked “pretty cool”. Funny how two people can look at the exact same tomatoes and see two completely different things.

Which made me wonder…Is there a correlation between what you see when you look at heirloom tomatoes and how you see yourself?

Heirloom tomatoes look dramatically different than what we’ve come to know as traditional tomatoes. Traditional tomatoes are engineered for consistency of size, shape, color, and texture, mass produced to meet the needs of millions. Heirlooms are far more individually Continue reading “What A Tomato Can Teach You About Loving Yourself”

Prince, Green Beans, and the Breeding Ground of Misery

Prince, Green Beans, and the Breeding Ground of Misery

“Comparison is an act of violence against the self.” – Iyanla Vanzant

In the wake of Prince’s passing the radio was filled with his music. While I was listening to an online radio station, the host was mentioning how great Prince was as a composer, musician, and a performance artist. As the host continued he felt the need to introduce one additional element into the conversation…

Comparison.

Perhaps it was the combination of the host’s love for Prince and the still-fresh news of his death, but the conversation went from how great Prince was to a conversation about how much greater Prince was as compared to others. Actually, it wasn’t a conversation. It felt more like a sermon…the host speaking with Biblical certainty as he told the world how much greater Continue reading “Prince, Green Beans, and the Breeding Ground of Misery”

When You Forget You Are Beautiful And You’re Not Sure You Matter

When You Forget You Are Beautiful And You’re Not Sure You Matter

You are beautiful.

You are unlimited.

And you matter.

Perhaps you’ve forgotten this. Please let me remind you.

Or worse yet, you don’t believe it.

Please let me convince you.

Life gets busy and often the importance of perspective gets lost as we just try and make it through another day. Daily demands and prioritizing others often means you never get around to taking care of the most important person in your life.

You.

Here, in no particular order, are seven thoughts to contemplate in hopes you’ll take the a few moments to reconnect with this beautiful person you call you.

Beautiful isn’t something you become, its something you already are. Walk through any supermarket check-out and you are inundated with the latest fashion and lifestyle magazines, Continue reading “When You Forget You Are Beautiful And You’re Not Sure You Matter”