Tag: relationship

The Paradox Of Hating The Things You Love To Do

The Paradox Of Hating The Things You Love To Do

It’s not as glamorous as you may think, getting up at 4:30 AM. But I’m trying to convince myself that I’m a runner, and runners run. For me, the most consistently convenient time to run starts, unfortunately, at 4:30 AM.

Get up. Stretch what needs to be stretched. Get dressed. Reflective outer layer and a headlamp strapped to my head.

As a runner, I’ll be the first to admit I’m not that good at running, even though I’ve been doing it for several years. I’m slow, I fatigue easily, and I know I will be sore enough to last me for the next two days.

One thing I’ve become quite good at, though, is showing up.

Running is more about my relationship with myself. About the commitments I make to myself and my willingness to keep them. Continue reading “The Paradox Of Hating The Things You Love To Do” →

The Healthy Discomfort of Personal Accountability

The Healthy Discomfort of Personal Accountability

Waiting.

For the world to change. For the right time. For someone to share the experience with.

Waiting for what is to be something other than it actually was.

I was an experienced waiter. Over the decades I could find a great many reasons why waiting was better than actually doing. My ever-expanding list of things I told myself I wanted to experience was, well, ever expanding. Talking about climbing a mountain was always easier than actually doing so. Especially when you’re quite adept at “justifying” your own personal stagnation.

“Someday” became quite comfortable.

At some point I grew tired of my own BS. I grew tired of my own voice telling me “someday”. I finally challenged myself to Continue reading “The Healthy Discomfort of Personal Accountability” →

Do You Want More Of What You’re Feeling?

Do You Want More Of What You’re Feeling?

10:01 AM.

The iPhone vibrates.

It’s a message.

From me.

To me.

“Do you want more of what you’re feeling?”

I schedule this to happen three times per day. And each time the alarm goes off, this question appears on my screen.

“Do you want more of what you’re feeling?”

It’s become an important question I ask of myself.

In order for me to know the honest answer to this question, I must stop for a moment and notice what I am actually feeling.

How am I doing? Happy? Sad? Angry? Indifferent? Stressed? Peaceful? Anxious?

Before I started asking myself this question, for the most part I never really knew how I was doing. The days would sort of run their course, meandering through various emotional and vibrational peaks and valleys, with me obliviously reacting to it all.

Feelings are important barometers because we tend to get more of what we are feeling. Angry Pete would find more things to be angry about, and the Peaceful Pete would effortlessly find more peace. Feelings have their own energetic vibration, and in a world greatly influenced by energetic vibration we get back more of what we are radiating outward.

Prompting me to check in with me shows me the path I am on. Most times I do want more of what I’m feeling. Occasionally, though, this momentary look into myself tells me that no, I don’t want more of what I’m feeling. Without judging myself harshly if I find myself misaligned from how I want to feel. I notice. I investigate. I adjust, if I desire to. It’s usually a quick process, but there are times when I need to go deeper and stay with the unwanted feelings, try and understand why they are there, and lovingly Continue reading “Do You Want More Of What You’re Feeling?” →