When Butterflies Are Afraid To Fly

Caterpillars don’t really have much of a choice, do they?

Whether they like it or not, becoming the butterfly they were created to become is inevitable. A chrysalis is in their future, and on the other side they will be reborn and begin their life anew.

Butterflies have long been used as a metaphor for transformation. Their metamorphosis is spectacular yet relatable. And for those on their own journey of growth and evolution, the presence of a fluttering butterfly can be seen as a spiritual symbol of divine guidance and encouragement.

Unlike caterpillars, we humans do have a choice as to what we will grow into. Or not. We get to decide if we will continue to crawl or learn to fly.

Learning to fly is a messy process. Most human metamorphosis is. Becoming something other than what you’ve always been is a daunting process of unaccepting what you’ve always accepted about yourself as being true, making room for a new empowering story to take its place.

One of the greatest inhibitors to our willingness to fly is who we choose to surround ourselves with. As human caterpillars we are often surrounded by other human caterpillars, those who’ve never grown wings of their own, those who tend to want to keep others wingless as well. Those who’ve never flown can feel threatened by those who decide to do so.

We can easily let the familiarity of what’s always been derail what could be for us, keep us crawling and flightless. After all, if crawling is all we’ve known we can chose to accept that’s all Continue reading “When Butterflies Are Afraid To Fly” →

What Are You Saying To You About You?

I forgot I even owned one.

Going through a long-forgotten box in the back of my closet, and there it was. A Brother P-Touch label maker. Perhaps you had one as well? Simply type in the title of your label, hit “print” and out comes the custom label, right in the palm of your hand. It was rather addictive. I labeled just about everything. File folders, storage tubs, canisters of flour and sugar, even the wires coming out of the back of my computer.

I remember peeling off the back of the printed labels to reveal the sticky side of the tape. With large fingers, it proved to be a challenge from time to time, but once the labels were affixed to the surface they stuck for good.

Labels do have a way of sticking around.

Especially the ones we stick on our self.

As humans we are quite good at creating labels about who we think we are and what is possible for us. Have you ever listened to how you speak to yourself? How often do we reaffirm our limitations? How often do we reinforce a belief system which inhibits our growth and expansion? How often do we let life’s experiences define who it is we accept ourself to be, of letting our past determine our future? When we habitually tell ourselves we’re not good enough, talented enough, beautiful enough, strong enough…when we believe we’re unlovable, that we’re “too much’, unlucky, unworthy…those labels will keep us stuck exactly where we don’t really want to be.

These self-imposed labels greatly influence our overall sense of identity, and our accepted identity is our self-fulfilling prophecy.

The labels we willingly accept don’t even need to actually be true. We just need to believe they are true and our world will unfold accordingly. The good news is these labels are only permanent if allow them to Continue reading “What Are You Saying To You About You?” →

Smashing Through Your Own Glass Ceiling

Instagram reminded me of an experiment I first saw years ago. Researchers had placed fleas into a glass jar and sealed it shut with the glass lid. Instinctively, the fleas attempted to jump out of the jar to their freedom but with each jump were stymied as they hit the glass lid above them. Frustrated, at some point the fleas simply stopped jumping. And when the researchers removed the glass lid, the fleas remained in the jar, now conditioned to accept their captivity even with the barrier to their freedom removed.

I kind of understand the fleas’ take on this. They tried repeatedly to make it out of the jar without success. At some point, when do you simply stop looking for a way out and accept your limitations and learn to live with them?

As part of my journey, I’ve thought a great deal about my own limitations. Specifically, where did they come from and who put them there? Limitations are an extension of a belief system, and my belief system for a good portion of my life was a belief system I inherited. No one ever sat me down and clearly defined the limitations I would eventually accept as my own. Rather, I witnessed them slowly unfold around me in real time, destined to perpetuate a belief system which I knew wouldn’t serve me but accepted none the less.

The glass ceiling on the jar of my life was never actually there. It didn’t matter, though. I never knew I could actually jump.

Until I decided to started jumping.

The things we choose to believe about who we are and what’s possible for us will greatly shape our identity, which will always shape our life. We can accept the limited version of where we are as some sort of fate or destiny, pointing to our life experience as evidence of such, further conditioned to accept our own form of captivity. Or, we can decide to think outside of the jar, out-jumping the limitations we’ve accepted, free to more fully express ourselves as we choose to redefine our self identity as one of possibility and expansion.

Limitations are simply opinions we’ve accepted as truths. But we get to decide what is true for us.

It doesn’t matter how those limitations got there.

What matters now is what we decide to do with them.

You’ll be amazed at how high you can jump…

Photo by Jilbert Ebrahimi on Unsplash

The Long Road To Emotional Self Reliance

I’ve been told I can be a bit extreme at times. If it’s worth doing, it’s worth over doing, right? It’s usually to my detriment, even if I know that going in. Yet here I go again, diving in deep.

I’ve never fully understood why.

It’s been a little over a week since I had my last sips of caffeine. Which is a huge deal for me, because I would inhale caffeine in the form of fresh brewed iced tea. Lots of iced tea. Most mornings caffeine was the BFF I couldn’t wait to hook up with. My habit was supported by the availability of fairly good iced tea I’d get a convenience store I would intentionally pass by each day. It’s cheap and easily accessible, the perfect breeding ground for me to over-indulge excessively.

As much as I enjoyed the first few of the several tall cups of my beverage each day, at some point it would start working against me. There is a diminishing return on the amount of caffeine I’d often consume. For a beverage which is supposed to perk me up, at the end of the day I’d be anything but perked. Yet tomorrow I would repeat the same process.

As I’ve made my way through the expected brutality of caffeine-withdrawal headaches, I began to look at my relationship with iced tea. Why do I drink so much? Why do I need to drink it at all?

This line of inner questioning was reminiscent to a conversation I had with myself 23 years earlier regarding my alcohol consumption. It was a relationship much like the one I had with iced tea. Why did I Continue reading “The Long Road To Emotional Self Reliance” →

The Immeasurable Impact Of Teachers

We have what has grown into an annual tradition here in town. As with most things which have grown into traditions, it began quite organically. Some of the graduating high school seniors decided to revisit their elementary school and spend a few moments with some of their favorite teachers, some of which they hadn’t seen in at least eight years. Just to say hello. Just their way of stepping back into their past and with their physical presence saying thank you.

None of these kids went back because their teacher taught them about the order of operations when solving a math problem. Nor did they go back because their teacher drove into them that I comes before E except after C. They went back because these teachers moved them, inspired them, helped them grow through certain challenges. Because their teachers believed in them, encouraged them, and helped them to become more confident as both students and as individuals.

On a day designed for partying and celebrating, they went back and let their teachers know how much they mattered to them.

This is what impact looks like.

When others believe in us it helps us to believe in ourselves as well. What we believe about ourselves determines our sense of identity of who we accept ourselves to be. That accepted identity shapes every aspect of how we will experience life. Of our own sense of worth. Of our own sense of value. Of our own sense of what’s possible – or not – for us.

Identity impacts everything. We will become who it is we accept ourselves to be. Nothing more, nothing Continue reading “The Immeasurable Impact Of Teachers” →

The 6 Universal Truths To Accept About Your Life

You’d think something as important as life would come with an instruction manual. Buy a new toaster and you’ll learn how to toast bread in several different languages. But life? It forces you to figure it out on your own. It’s a process, a meandering non-linear journey through mountains and valleys of joy and pain just to find a base level of understanding of this thing we call life. For those courageous enough to willingly search within, we often don’t fully understand what we’ve signed up for. But it’s a journey we know we simply need to embark upon. In the darkness we often find the light.

If I were to be tasked with creating an instruction manual for life, I’d include the following six foundational ideals I’ve learned the hard way. The hard way, forged in the fires of my own skepticism, doubt, denial, blame, resistance, and fear.

And finally, acceptance.

Perhaps my trials will save you some trials of your own.

YOU MATTER

At times life gets us to a point where we can question our own value. Our own worth. We can often feel unheard and unseen even by those closest to us, creating an emotionally dangerous space perpetuating the questioning of the significance of our existence.

In the ever-distracted world we all share, our focus is seldom placed upon reminding ourself of of our own significance. And how often are we reminded by others? But in this intentional universe, ever purposefully in its creation, the fact that you and I are here is evidence that we matter, even if we perhaps aren’t quite sure why. There are no spare parts in this intentional universe. It simply doesn’t work that way.

Yes, you matter.

YOU’RE NOT BROKEN AND YOU NEVER WERE

A lot has happened to you since the day you were born. Some of those things have greatly impacted your own sense of self. Of who you are. Of what you think is possible for you.

Humans, including some well-meaning humans, in their attempt to love you and keep you safe, often transplant their own fears and limitations and insecurities into the fertile grounds of a young children’s Continue reading “The 6 Universal Truths To Accept About Your Life” →

An Unexpected Source Of Clarity

Mention their names and you’d swear that they wouldn’t be good together. Polar opposites, most would agree. Yet, it’s that very polarity which can make them important partners.

For most of my life I’ve sought a level of clarity, of trying to understand who I am and what I am here to do with this one life I’ve been given. This inner journey has taken me in many different direction, each path directly or indirectly leading me closer to the clarity I’ve been seeking.

On this long and meandering quest I’ve learned a great deal about life and about myself. Paradoxically one of the key components on my path to clarity has been the introduction of doubt.

Doubt. As in uncertainty. As in compassionately questioning what it is I’ve been willing to accept about myself and what’s possible for me. My beliefs shape my identity, and my identity shapes how it is I allow my life to unfold.

What if what I believe about myself isn’t really true?

What if it actually is?

By introducing doubt into the equation of who it is I tell myself I am – or am not – I create the space for an inner dialog where a Continue reading “An Unexpected Source Of Clarity” →

Maybe It’s Time To Stop Eating Burnt Toast?

“People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar.” Thich Nhat Hanh

We really are creatures of habit, aren’t we? Even if those habits are somewhat detrimental to our well being. Even if those habits prevent us from growing more fully into who it is we know we were created to become.

Habits are familiar. They become part of our identity. What is known and accepted comes with it’s own sense of predictability which creates a sense of safety, even if that safety feels uncomfortable and often empty.

But, for some, it’s better than the fear inherent with what’s unknown.

Burnt toast isn’t ideal, but if it’s all you’ve known, it’s just easier to simply settle and keep eating it, even if better options are readily available.

I’ve had my share of life’s burnt toast. Of settling for less than in the presence of abundant alternatives. The acceptance of my Continue reading “Maybe It’s Time To Stop Eating Burnt Toast?” →

Self Image And The Validity Of Limitations

It was anything but a graceful fall from grace. On some level I knew it was supposed to happen. So, on a different level I made it happen.

I was playing well above my head and my head knew it. I had climbed a bit too high on the corporate ladder, higher than I felt I should have. So I did what I needed to do to keep me aligned with the vision I had created for myself by my self.

We often blame self sabotage as the reason we crash and burn, how we at times seemingly act in ways which undermine what we feel are our best efforts to grow and change. Career, diet, and relationships are all prime ares where despite our best efforts we end up working against ourselves.

In order to keep ourself our self.

Do we really see ourself as being that successful? Of being in that great physical shape? Of being in a healthy relationship?

No, it’s not really sabotage. All we are doing is self regulating, returning to who it is we believe ourselves to be. Realigning with that all-powerful inner vision which controls and regulates what we subconsciously feel is possible for us. We get what we expect Continue reading “Self Image And The Validity Of Limitations” →

Peter Mis LivingHalfFull.com

Lessons From A Life Unfolding

Tag: identity