When There’s Nothing To Look Forward To

The future has always been a utopian distraction from the present. The future is where hopes and dreams and aspirations all reside, a perfect escape from the mundane nature of where we can find ourselves right now.

But what if there was nothing to look forward to?

Could I be at peace, at least for a moment, if all there was in my life was that which was already around me?

I’ve been a runner most of my life, running from what was towards what I wanted it to be, only to be consistently disappointed when I got there. Undeterred, I’d then find something else to run toward, convinced that this time would be different while intuitively knowing the disappointment would be waiting for me when I got there.

And it always was.

You can never outrun the present moment, no matter how good you are at running.

When we’re focused solely on the future we do so at the expense of the present. When our eyes are only facing forward in the distance we always will miss that which is already around us. I’ve spent much of my life trying to get somewhere else and in doing so I’ve certainly missed so much of what was already here right in front of me. 

Sometimes the present moment in a painful space. The silence and stillness can serve to intensify the trauma and the hurt. The present moment can also be beautiful, loud, confusing, happy, peaceful, contentious, and joyous. The present moment does not ask us to accept or like or condone what it offers us. It only asks for our awareness of what it actually is.

The present moment is the foundation of our understanding and peace. It’s where our growth and healing happen. It’s where the true work of being human takes place. 

I do look excitedly to the future, to what I will create and experience and evolve into in the process. But I do so not to run away from what currently is, but rather to build upon what already is. 

Sometimes the present moment sucks. Sometimes it’s the happiest place on earth. But knowing exactly where you are is the most important place to be. 

You can go anywhere from there.

Even if you decide there is no need to be anywhere but here.

Life is nothing more than an infinite series of present moments asking us to simply notice them.

I’m learning how to look forward to nothing but now.