Finding Your Own Road Less Traveled

If you didn’t know it was there you’d probably never know it was.

The paved road unexpectedly turned to gravel. The overgrown grass and trees hid the sign marking the entrance to a rather obscure area of the vast coastal nature preserve. I parked where I could looking for signs that didn’t exist. Google Maps gave me an idea where I was supposed to go, and with my backpack and hiking stick I headed west down the fire road which I believed would lead me to the beach I was looking for.

About a mile later the dirt road lined with scrub pine turned into sand and behind the grass-covered dunes was the beach I was looking for.

Perfectly empty.

Just me and the ocean.

I can see why many wouldn’t want to go through such a process just to get to a beach. A few miles Continue reading “Finding Your Own Road Less Traveled” →

The Peaceful Co-Existence Of The Destination & The Journey

The mind is quite powerful, isn’t it? It can create things outside of reality yet we still willingly embrace them as real.

I can at times find myself standing at the base of mountains only I can see. Mountains of my own fear-based creation in the form of perceived challenges and obstacles I accept to be real standing before me. There are things to attain and achieve, needed outcomes to set me free, yet somehow I have the ability to complicate my own journey forward by painting images of those emotional mountains in my head.

I’m quite experienced at navigating such ascents. In fact I’ve climbed some of these same mountains several times, usually frustrated by the need to climb them yet again. Frustrated with every step forward. Not understanding why I need to retrace my steps yet again.

The present moment sounds like a wonderful place to be, but I’ve spent very little time living there. I’ve always been more about the destination than the journey, a mindset engrained from an early age that there is always more to do and every moment basking in “what is” is one moment that should have been used marching towards some ever-elusive destination.

A destination driven mindset leaves little room to appreciate the present moments of the journey. There is always somewhere else to be other than the here and the now.

Most of my “inner work” of late has been focused on being at peace with “what is”. And when I find I am once again frustratedly standing at the base of one of those mountains I create in my mind, I am reminded that I still have more work to do. As has been said, “the lessons will continue until the lesson is learned”, which is why, despite my “inner work”, I can still at times find myself with a mountain before me.

A mountain of my own creation.

A mountain which need not exist.

It can be a very uncomfortable space, the present moment. Especially if you’ve spent most of your life running away from “what is”. But in my willingness to stay with it, the discomfort has slowly diminished and I’ve gradually experienced the promised peace attributed to the present moment.

In the clarity of the present moment I can see the mountains for what they actually are.

One thing I’ve learned about mountains is that you don’t have to climb them if they don’t exist. Just because I’ve habitually created them doesn’t mean I need to continue to do so.

There are still goals to achieve and outcomes I desire, but the urgency of their completion has been replaced with the consistency of present action. Of not being fearfully overpowered with the vastness and necessity of what’s in front of me and instead showing up fully one moment at a time, embracing the vision without being overwhelmed by it all.

More trust. More flow.

The destination and the journey now peacefully co-exisiting within me.

Photo by Amanda Sandlin on Unsplash

The Homes I Can Never Go Home To Again

Ruben’s Atomic Chicken Fingers!

I unexpectedly found myself back in an area I briefly lived in about 30 years ago. A break in the meeting schedule and I was free to roam around for a few hours and I spontaneously decided to retrace some footsteps I had left three decades earlier.

Driving around brought me back mentally and emotionally. I even found a Spotify playlist of 1990’s alt-rock and grunge to bring me back even further. Salem to Nashua via Rte 111. Much was the same. Much was different. I knew I was different, much different than who I was back when I first traveled these roads those many years ago.

And then I remembered Ruben’s Atomic Chicken Fingers.

The more youthful me would find himself many a night belly to the bar at Shorty’s Mexican Roadhouse, never a need to review their rather extensive menu. I knew what I was there for, and the only question was for how many.

Lightly breaded, deep fried chicken fingers served with a sweet-yet-hot thick and sticky dipping sauce, the sweetness lowering your guard making it easy for the heat to find its way down the back of your throat. A cold beer at the ready and at that moment everything was perfect with the world.

I found my way into Shorty’s once again and at the same bar I excitedly ordered the same Atomic Chicken Fingers and I was ready to pick up where I had left off. But one bite in and I realized something had changed.

And it wasn’t the chicken fingers.

I’d always heard you can’t go home again. I understood that to mean time inevitably changes what home had always been. What was simply no longer existed as it was. But at the bar, I realized the only thing that had changed was me. I couldn’t go back to what was because I was no longer who I was. It wasn’t the food. It wasn’t the bar.

It was me.

I outgrew the memories.

I was the reason why I couldn’t go “home” again.

There is a perceived comfort of going home again, even if home wasn’t a very comfortable place to be. But it’s familiar, predictable, and known which tempts us to want to relive and cling to and even slightly revise the narrative to accommodate what we may have wished home actually was.

But you can’t really go back because you’re no longer who you were when you were originally there.

I appreciate all the homes I can never go home to again. The physical and the emotional. They were important parts of who I was, foundational building blocks of who I am. But who I will become? That needs me to allow myself to outgrow myself, to not let the lure of the certainty of the past prevent me from moving forward into the uncertainty of the future.

The past had its place, but it’s no place to live. It served its purpose, it was an important teacher, but holding on to our yesterdays weakens our grip on our tomorrows.

When we create an emotionally clear space to grow, it’s likely we will do so.

Photo by Victor Bouton on Unsplash

The Only Place I Am Is There

“One time, one meeting.”

It was mesmerizing. The color. The lines. The contrast. It was one of those photos I wish I had taken myself. But I didn’t need to own it to be able to fully enjoy it.

I just needed to see it.

Quite often I find myself alone in nature. A short hike though the woods, a long walk on a winter’s beach. The isolation is restorative and at some point I will inevitably attempt to capture the beauty of the natural world surrounding me in a photograph.

Looking through the view finder takes me to a place I’ve spent much of my life trying to find. The present moment. In the view finder a moment is frozen. I scan everything before pressing the button. The lines, the light, the color, the texture, the noise. Every detail in front of me is seen and assessed. I can adjust or decide to capture it exactly as it is. But in that moment, the only place I am is there.

When you discover the present moment you also discover how fleeting it is.

“Ichigo ichie” is a Japanese expression often translated to mean “one time, one meeting”. This and every moment is a singular moment in time. It cannot be relived exactly as it was. Therein lies its Continue reading “The Only Place I Am Is There” →

Creating A Safe Space For The Suck

It’s a game I’ve played with myself. Or maybe it was more of a survival mechanism.

I’d always been a big fan of the present moment. Unless I didn’t like the present moment. Then I’d find another moment somewhere in the future to save me from the discomfort of the present one.

I got quite proficient at using desired future outcomes to try and outrun the emotional challenges I could often find myself dealing with. Someday took the pressure off today. Someday allowed me to defer my responsibility of dealing with what is until some time in the distant future. Reaching those desired outcomes would take care of everything, I repeatedly told myself.

And they never did.

I’ve run away enough to know that running away never gets you anywhere else other than where you already are.

Someday is full of those distant utopian promises which we allow to sustain us at the expense of Continue reading “Creating A Safe Space For The Suck” →

An Unscheduled Detour On The Long Road To Nowhere

It’s an unusual feeling, running ahead of schedule. But there I was driving into work when that little voice spoke up.

“Back roads?”

The seed was planted and on this particular morning, and with a bit of a grin, I took the next exit off the interstate and decided to take the long way into the office. For the next 45 minutes I’d meander somewhat aimlessly through the old country roads in total silence.

Because, why not?

From a quantifiable productivity level, heading into work would have been far more beneficial. More time to get more stuff done. On most days I’d opt for the increased productivity. But some days there is an unquantifiable productivity of meandering intentionally on the road headed to no particular destination.

I’ve know these back roads my entire life. They’ve seen all sorts of different versions of me. The angry me, the frustrated me, the uncertain me, and even a peaceful me from time to time. These Continue reading “An Unscheduled Detour On The Long Road To Nowhere” →

A Faceful Of Wisdom

“We have a winner!”

Spending a few days in Maine we decided to include a stop at the 9th Annual Wild Blueberry Festival in Gray. And what’s a Wild Blueberry Festival without a blueberry pie eating contest.

In a scene reminiscent of a Hallmark movie I found myself in a small idyllic New England town standing at a table with nine others, hands behind our backs and blueberry pies inches from our faces awaiting the word to begin. When all was said and done, I turned my pie-stained face upwards to see the judge pointing at me declaring me the winner of the competition.

I won a blueberry pie eating contest. In Maine.

The grand prize included a four-pack of locally bottled blueberry soda and, more importantly, bragging rights.

As I wiped my face clean from the blueberries and crust embedded in my scruffy facial hair, I was asked if the pie actually tasted good.

I hadn’t really noticed.

Granted, the goal of a pie eating contest is to consume what’s in front of you faster than the others at the table. Devouring an 8 inch pie in 61 seconds didn’t leave room the evaluate the quality of the pie. It was all about speed.

On the hours-long drive home, still basking in the glory of my unexpected victory, I started thinking about speed. As in the pace of life. As in how much of life I may have missed being too Continue reading “A Faceful Of Wisdom” →

The Unexpected Peace Of Acceptance

Who knew such lessons could be contained in an eight foot section of rope?

A few years back I was humbled by a jump rope. One of the exercises in this particular fitness class I had signed up for involved jumping rope, something I’d not done in decades. But, how hard could it be? After all, it’s jumping rope, like riding a bicycle. You just pick up where you left off, right?

As I awkwardly spun the rope over my head, for the life of me I just couldn’t time my jumps correctly as the rope swung towards my feet. No grace. No elegance. No coordination. Recognizing my growing frustration, I kept trying and eventually I got into a bit of a rhythm until I hit the wall aerobically, surprisingly quickly fatigued by the cumulative challenge of jumping rope.

Maybe I wasn’t in as good of shape as I thought I was. I’d been consistently active at the gym, running consistently three times a week, yet a simple jump rope showed me I really wasn’t where I thought I was fitness wise.

Most of my significant moments of growth have grown out of moments when life humbled me. Some of those moments were unwelcome but showed up anyway. In other moments I voluntarily engaged with the realization and acceptance of certain situations, people, and circumstances and was willing to meet them where they were.

Including the jump rope.

Including myself.

Fighting with my perceptions of reality can often feel justified, even cathartic. And while the fighting might feel good, the fighting keeps you stuck and distracts you from taking the next steps in response to embracing the truth about those certain situations, people, and circumstances which, like that jump rope, can show you exactly where you are in relation to them.

If you’re open and willing to do so.

The jump rope showed me something I didn’t see in me. I could have discredited or denied the uncomfortable findings, or I could have accepted what was and decided to growth through it instead. Which is what I chose to do. I’ve gotten much better at casting aside my ego and habitual blame and allowing myself to be humbled by the truths in front of me. Knowing and accepting What Is provides the perfect foundation to build What Could Be if building a different experience is what you want to create for you. And in some areas of my life that’s exactly what I am intentionally doing.

Acceptance isn’t surrender. Acceptance isn’t passive. Acceptance isn’t even being OK with how portions of life actually are. It’s about allowing life to be exactly as it is right now and moving forward – or not – from a position of understanding where you are right now.

There is an unexpected peace and freedom which comes from accepting life as it is, without judging, without resisting, without wishing it was any different even if you’re tempted to wish that it was. For me that has been a long, non-linear, painful process.

But I’m getting better at it.

Just like jumping rope.

Photo by Ashley Inguanta on Unsplash

Mindfulness And Those Annoying Little Gelato Spoons

Thursday night. Old Town, Alexandria, VA. Our whirlwind trip to Washington, DC took us across the Potomac in search of a quick bite to eat as we prepared to head back north to our next destination.

We had packed quite a bit into a few days, and a relaxing dinner took us out of tourist mode for a little while. Sometimes vacations take on the same intensity vacations are supposed to take you away from. We managed to hit everything on the wish list, but we were always aware of where we were on our schedule.

After dinner we stumbled upon a small gelato shop. As an avid frozen treat consumer, stopping in was the easiest decision of the trip. After trying a few flavor samples, I settled upon the pistachio.

I’ve shed a great many less-than-healthy food vices in my lifetime. I’ve come to realize over the years the real issue for me, though, has less to do with the actual vice and more to do with my relationship with moderation. Cookies, donuts, alcohol, and caffeine were never ingested with moderation. If it was worth doing, it was worth over doing.

Especially when it came to frozen treats.

In my hand was a small cup of pistachio gelato. In my other hand was one of those annoyingly small plastic gelato spoons. As someone with a proven track record of over indulgence, the annoyingly small size of this spoon made over indulgence a substantial challenge for me.

Maybe that was the whole point?

As an over indulger, it’s always about the next bite. I’m sure the current bite is quite good, but honestly I usually never take the time to notice. The focus is on what’s next instead of what’s now. Continue reading “Mindfulness And Those Annoying Little Gelato Spoons” →

When There’s Nothing To Look Forward To

The future has always been a utopian distraction from the present. The future is where hopes and dreams and aspirations all reside, a perfect escape from the mundane nature of where we can find ourselves right now.

But what if there was nothing to look forward to?

Could I be at peace, at least for a moment, if all there was in my life was that which was already around me?

I’ve been a runner most of my life, running from what was towards what I wanted it to be, only to be consistently disappointed when I got there. Undeterred, I’d then find something else to run toward, convinced that this time would be different while intuitively knowing the disappointment would be waiting for me when I got there.

And it always was.

You can never outrun the present moment, no matter how good you are at running.

When we’re focused solely on the future we do so at the expense of the present. When our Continue reading “When There’s Nothing To Look Forward To” →

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Lessons From A Life Unfolding

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