The Joy Of Self-Inflicted Discomfort

I’d forgotten about the video.

I’m not sure if she was aware of the Ice Bucket Challenge back in the summer of 2014, but there she was with a purple plastic bucket of cold water in her hands and on the count of three she dumped it over her head.

“How did it feel?” asked her amused Dad.

“Good!” she excitedly replied as she ran off to go play with her friends.

Six year olds live life on a different level, don’t they? A precious age when we’re open to possibility and wonder and not yet worried about how we look while doing so.

Making ourselves intentionally uncomfortable goes against the grain of what we tend to strive for in life. So much of the lives we work to create is geared towards make life more convenient, more comfortable.

Sometimes life throws a bucket of cold water on the life we are building, the unexpected frigidity upending the comfort we have long sought and worked for.

But how often are we willing to intentionally throw a bucket of cold water on the parts of our lives Continue reading “The Joy Of Self-Inflicted Discomfort” →

Your Self Hatred Would Like To Have A Word With You

It’s the one relative we all hate.

The one who always shows up during life’s more challenging moments. The one who is always there to remind you of all the things you don’t like about yourself. The one who will remind you that it didn’t work out because it’s never supposed to work out for you.

We never actually see this relative. But we know the far too familiar voice living rent free in our heads.

The Inner Critic.

I’d have to say of the vast majority of those closest to me, none are as consistently there for me like my Inner Critic. In my moments of doubt and uncertainty, the Inner Critic is always right there to flawlessly reinforce any of the negativity I may be experiencing. It’s a loyalty unlike any other.

For years I’d work to minimize my Inner Critic, angrily trying to suppress that relentless voice. The Inner Critic was unfazed by my hostility. It had a job to do and it was going to get that job done regardless of the feeling I had towards it.

It always owned me. Until one day I asked “why?”.

After a particularly brutal assault, I engaged in an unexpected conversation with the me which continued to work against me. Frustrated, I asked for some answers. Why was I being so hard Continue reading “Your Self Hatred Would Like To Have A Word With You” →

Are You Waiting To Be Chosen?

“If you’re surrendering your uniqueness for acceptance, you are only existing and not living.” – Erwin McManus

It’s a scorching hot day in Ocho Rios, Jamaica. July, 1990. The two captains were evaluating their options as they picked their teams for an impromptu game of beach volleyball. Each made their picks, and with the very last pick I was all one of the captains had left to choose from.

At my height I was quite surprised that neither captain saw the value I could bring to their team. I mean, height and volleyball usually work quite well together. I expected to be selected much sooner in the process, and with each pick that was made that wasn’t me the more annoyed and aggravated I became.

Unmet expectations often do that, don’t they? I mean, hell, I knew what I could bring to either team and when others didn’t have the same expectations for me I had for myself it really started to infuriate me. It was just a random beach volleyball game in the Caribbean, a perfect time to just chill and have some fun, yet instead of being happy I became anything but.

Nobody wants to be picked last. We all want to be chosen, to be seen and heard and appreciated, not to feel like someone’s only option. Being chosen brings with it a level of Continue reading “Are You Waiting To Be Chosen?” →

The Desirable Discomfort

“Sometimes the only way out is through.”

Recently I reconnected with an old friend. My trail bike. I’d often glance at it hanging on a hook from a rafter in my shed, promising myself that one of these days I’m going to take it out for a ride.

Today was the day.

Not too far from home is a large state forest with miles of trails and unpaved fire access roads, a natural habitat for trail bikes to explore and wander. It had been years since my last ride here but it felt like I hadn’t missed a beat as I headed off on my adventure.

Heavy rains over the past few days made the dirt roads a bit muddy in places, but mud always makes trail bike riding more exciting, more primal. Getting filthy is part of the process and before too long mud was pretty much everywhere. I guess the kid in me has never outgrown his fascination with mud.

As I got deeper into the woods the uneven nature of the roads were partially flooded from the rains. As much as I enjoy mud, I would navigate my bike around the edges of these deep puddles adding a bit more intensity to the ride. But at one point, the road was completely flooded from side to side. Impassable.

Unless I wanted to get very wet.

With trees bordering both sides of the flooded road, I stopped and assessed my options. The “puddle” was a good 30 feet long, I had no idea how deep it was, and there was no dry alternative to get around what was in front of me.

“Sometimes the only way out is through.”

Sitting on my bike contemplating the words of Robert Frost, I knew that to get beyond what was in front of me I would need to go through what was in front of me. There really wasn’t any other Continue reading “The Desirable Discomfort” →

The Freedom Of Possibility

It was one of the stupidest decisions I’ve ever made.

Driving home from a late night out in the big city with a few friends. In front of me was a wide open stretch of highway which for some unknown reason inspired me to wonder just how fast my car could actually go. Fueled by a potentially lethal combination of teenage invincibility and alcohol, I pressed the pedal as hard as I could just to see exactly how fast my ’73 Toyota could go.

My experiment was cut short by a rather unsettling noise coming from the rear tires. Apparently the high rate of speed I was traveling at created a great deal of heat causing the retreads on my tires to separate from the tires, which I discovered after stopping to see if I could find where the noise was coming from. I had no idea that was even possible until I held a piece of a tire in my hand. After that experience, I had no intention of ever finding out exactly how fast that car could go.

Things certainly could have easily turned out much differently.

This far more mature and long-sober version of me often ponders a different sort of experiment. What would the outcome be if I pushed myself to my limits. Like, if I gave life all I had to give, Continue reading “The Freedom Of Possibility” →

Maybe The Broken Aren’t Actually Broken?

Sometimes the heaviest things we carry are the judgments we make about ourselves. The belief system about who we tell ourselves we really are. The belief system which influences our expectations and shape our experiences, reinforcing the belief system as a result.

If you take notice, life has proven to be a self-fulfilling prophecy. We do tend to experience what we expect to experience, even if at times we don’t really want to experience it. If paradise was within our reach, our arms would never be fully extended to reach for it if on some level we don’t believe we are supposed to experience it. The weight of our self-judgment will keep us where we’ve convinced ourselves we’re supposed to be. Wanting. Wishing. But never moving beyond where we’ve accepted we are supposed to be.

Life at times can certainly leave us to believe we are broken. Flawed. Defective. Not worthy. Too Continue reading “Maybe The Broken Aren’t Actually Broken?” →

Are You Worth The Effort?

Perhaps this is a question you’ve never asked of yourself.

Our ability to grow and evolve is a choice we get to make for ourselves. Odds are there are already blueprints for the steps we’ll need to take to grow and evolve into whatever it is we decide we want to grow and evolve into. With an endless amount of information surrounding us, what is needed is a willingness to actually take action.

That’s where we can get stuck.

I’ve enthusiastically stood on the threshold of growth many times, both personally and professionally. I’ve had the opportunity, the ability, and I knew what needed to be done. Yet, quite often, I never did.

Looking back on several of those moments in my life, I’ve found a common theme for my inaction. It wasn’t laziness. It wasn’t ignorance.

It was a matter of worthiness.

There’s a story we always tell ourselves about ourselves. It’s a story of who it is we believe ourselves to be and what we believe is possible for us in our lives. For me, the greatest killer of Continue reading “Are You Worth The Effort?” →

Our Own Sacred Space To Unfold

Growth should come with a warning label. Not to dissuade anyone from starting, but just to let them know what lies ahead.

For some, growth is a luxury, a curiosity-based exploration into the further reaches of human potential. For others, growth is a necessity, driven by the consistent and crushing emotional weight of unresolved trauma and pain, to the point where a journey through the fire becomes the only viable option.

Mine was more of a necessity.

A commitment to growth signs you up for a process of learning and unlearning, of discovering and uncovering, of defining and re-defining, of anxiously diving into the deep end of your emotional pool while questioning your ability to swim.

And knowing nobody is coming to save you once you hit the water.

The journey through my own fires has been a challenging and meandering undertaking, at times Continue reading “Our Own Sacred Space To Unfold” →

The Best Life Hack Is No Hack At All

I’m fairly certain he didn’t notice me.

He was too busy making things happen.

In a rare moment of sitting down and relaxing I spied a spider diligently working spinning his web. Back and forth he went from the light fixture by the back door and up to the gutter creating an ever growing and symmetrical network of whatever spiders make their webs out of.

It was fascinating to watch the process of how he patiently and intentionally created his work of art. What I saw as art, he saw as something far more practical and essential to his survival.

If there were any short cuts to building a web, I don’t believe this spider was aware of them. His task looked pretty straight forward, perhaps even repetitive and monotonous. He knew what he needed to do and he simply did it.

Us humans are often inundated by so-called influencers and self-annointed experts trying to sell us their short cuts and ways to hack the system. Some will tell us that all we need to do is Continue reading “The Best Life Hack Is No Hack At All” →

The Greater Risk Is Not Being Authentically You

Authenticity sounds simple, right? To be yourself, fearlessly. Yet at some point for most of us we learned our authentic self expression was actually something to be feared.

Authenticity comes with great risk, a risk that who we really are won’t be understood or accepted in our most-important relationships. The fear of such isolation often leads us to suppress many of the parts of us which make us so beautifully and authentically unique.

So, to provide a perceived sense of safety, we dim our light for those who can’t handle our brightness, for we fear being left alone in the darkness. Our fear of abandonment leads us to abandon our truest self, an increasingly high price to pay the longer we choose to do so.

Conformity makes everyone comfortable. Except us.

In time we will be pained realizing the greater risk is in not authentically expressing who we are. And Continue reading “The Greater Risk Is Not Being Authentically You” →

Peter Mis LivingHalfFull.com

Lessons From A Life Unfolding

Tag: personal growth