Making Room For The Other Voice In You Head

“I am me.

And that should be enough, it always has been enough.

I was the one who didn’t get that.”

A friend of mine posted these words, the words of Matthew Perry, in the wake of his untimely and unexpected passing.

I’d not heard these words of his previously, yet they did have a familiar feel to them. An almost universally familiar feel to them.

I’m not sure when upon our human paths we start to diverge from our own innate perfection. I’m not sure what serves as the wedge causing microfractures in our sense of worthiness. Each journey is a uniquely personal one, yet so many arrive at the same destination of questioning if they are enough as they already are.

The world at times certainly like to remind us of what we are missing, of what we are lacking…relentlessly setting ever-changing and ever-inflated expectations that can certainly can cause us to not Continue reading “Making Room For The Other Voice In You Head” →

The 6 Universal Truths To Accept About Your Life

You’d think something as important as life would come with an instruction manual. Buy a new toaster and you’ll learn how to toast bread in several different languages. But life? It forces you to figure it out on your own. It’s a process, a meandering non-linear journey through mountains and valleys of joy and pain just to find a base level of understanding of this thing we call life. For those courageous enough to willingly search within, we often don’t fully understand what we’ve signed up for. But it’s a journey we know we simply need to embark upon. In the darkness we often find the light.

If I were to be tasked with creating an instruction manual for life, I’d include the following six foundational ideals I’ve learned the hard way. The hard way, forged in the fires of my own skepticism, doubt, denial, blame, resistance, and fear.

And finally, acceptance.

Perhaps my trials will save you some trials of your own.

YOU MATTER

At times life gets us to a point where we can question our own value. Our own worth. We can often feel unheard and unseen even by those closest to us, creating an emotionally dangerous space perpetuating the questioning of the significance of our existence.

In the ever-distracted world we all share, our focus is seldom placed upon reminding ourself of of our own significance. And how often are we reminded by others? But in this intentional universe, ever purposefully in its creation, the fact that you and I are here is evidence that we matter, even if we perhaps aren’t quite sure why. There are no spare parts in this intentional universe. It simply doesn’t work that way.

Yes, you matter.

YOU’RE NOT BROKEN AND YOU NEVER WERE

A lot has happened to you since the day you were born. Some of those things have greatly impacted your own sense of self. Of who you are. Of what you think is possible for you.

Humans, including some well-meaning humans, in their attempt to love you and keep you safe, often transplant their own fears and limitations and insecurities into the fertile grounds of a young children’s Continue reading “The 6 Universal Truths To Accept About Your Life” →

Constructing A Life Of Possibility and Abundance

What we choose to believe with shape us in any moment.

A major highway reconstruction project was recently shut down not too far from my home. The rumor is the project’s general contractor has filed for bankruptcy and this once thriving work area has become a dust bowl of a ghost town. With six years left on a seven year construction schedule everyone is in the dark as to what will happen next.

The main focal point of the work zone to this point is the half mile long concrete retaining wall being built to support the new expanded road surface. Only half of the wall has been poured. The other half is just exposed reinforcement bars which will remain exposed until the state decides what is next for this project.

Reinforcement bar, know as rebar in the trades, is vitally important in any concrete application. While concrete is solid, it has no tensile strength and lacks structural rigidity. Rebar provides that strength and stability, a skeletal framework of steel bars which are hidden on the inside of any concrete structure.

Seeing all this exposed rebar has gotten me to think about my own emotional strength and structural rigidity, my own internal skeletal framework of habits and beliefs which reinforce me.

My emotional rebar.

Poured reinforced concrete is engineered to withstand the predictable forces which it will be exposed to. It’s strength is calibrated and set. Unlike concrete, I find my strength requires more of an ongoing process of recalibration, of intentional reinforcement to better withstand both the predictable and unpredictable forces I as a human am exposed to.

The greatest source of personal recalibration is mindset. My strength is inevitably determined by how I Continue reading “Constructing A Life Of Possibility and Abundance” →

Sometimes Commitment Hurts

Meloxican.

15 milligrams once per day.

“That’s should help with the inflammation.”

I’d never taken Meloxicam before. But I’d never been in such pain. A perhaps-overly-ambitious 10k run through the streets of my hometown eventually lead to a doctor’s visit. The tightness on the inside of my right knee kept getting tighter, especially when I finally finished my run. Walking had become an unexpected casualty as I hobbled my way back to the car.

Ouch.

I’ve run this particular course several times, although it had been a little while since I’ve done so. I wasn’t as prepared as I had hope to be, but I did commit to running this run and I decided to honor that commitment.

Sometimes commitments hurt.

I’ve got a good relationship with commitments these days. Especially with the commitments I make to myself. Those were the types of commitments I had a hard time keeping. One of the most significant growth milestones I’ve achieved upon my meandering life’s journey was embracing those promises I would make to myself. I was no longer willing to let myself down. I deserved better from me for me.

Commitments are a vital component of growth. Without it there is no growth.

Sometimes commitments do hurt. Growth often comes with a price, and often that price is pain. With my run, the pain was decidedly physical. But growth can come with emotional pain as well. Some may not understand the process you’re willing to put yourself through in order to achieve a goal Continue reading “Sometimes Commitment Hurts” →

An Unexpected Source Of Clarity

Mention their names and you’d swear that they wouldn’t be good together. Polar opposites, most would agree. Yet, it’s that very polarity which can make them important partners.

For most of my life I’ve sought a level of clarity, of trying to understand who I am and what I am here to do with this one life I’ve been given. This inner journey has taken me in many different direction, each path directly or indirectly leading me closer to the clarity I’ve been seeking.

On this long and meandering quest I’ve learned a great deal about life and about myself. Paradoxically one of the key components on my path to clarity has been the introduction of doubt.

Doubt. As in uncertainty. As in compassionately questioning what it is I’ve been willing to accept about myself and what’s possible for me. My beliefs shape my identity, and my identity shapes how it is I allow my life to unfold.

What if what I believe about myself isn’t really true?

What if it actually is?

By introducing doubt into the equation of who it is I tell myself I am – or am not – I create the space for an inner dialog where a Continue reading “An Unexpected Source Of Clarity” →

We Don’t Have To Settle For What We’ve Always Settled For

You can always tell if it’s one of his photos.

My friend Peter Pereira is a photographer. Actually, he is a highly regarded and respected award-winning photojournalist who can tell an entire story within the frame of a single image. Peter’s work appears locally as well as globally in some of the world’s most recognizable media. I’m getting quite good at looking at a photograph and knowing that he was the photographer without needing to read the photo credit.

One of Peter’s greatest gifts is his gift of perspective. While many photographers will shoot at what is right in front of them, Peter will find his own unique vantage point. He positions himself outside of what would be considered the conventional. Above looking down. Below looking up. To the left side. To the right side. He will use components and lines within an image to frame his subject and direct the viewer’s eyes deeper into the photo. By positioning himself in unconventional positions, his work demonstrates the true power of perspective, of being open to seeing things from a different view point.

Perspectives are of great significance. Perspectives are how we choose to see the world, each other, and our own self.

How we choose to see our own self significantly influences everything about our life. Our experiences, our relationships, our expectations, our opportunities.

Everything.

Our sense of self is rarely intentional. It usually just happens as we evolve and grow through life. It will be shaped by our environment and those within it, reinforced and strengthened as experiences and relationships continuously repeat themselves. It’s not something we notice, so it’s not something we tend to question.

But there is great power in questioning who it is you tell yourself you think you are.

We have the ability to see ourself from a different vantage point. To reframe our self image. If we choose to do so. Maybe the Continue reading “We Don’t Have To Settle For What We’ve Always Settled For” →

What Would God Change About You?

Nothing.

In a Universe of intention, we are all created purposefully and deliberately, each of us a unique collection of talents, gifts, and abilities here to fully express the intention inherent with our creation.

Sometimes we forget that part.

Sometimes the inner and outer voices would have us believe a different story, the one in which we’re not good enough, smart enough, beautiful enough, or strong enough as we already are. We often feel a pressure to change, to abandon who we are in order to become something we inherently are not.

When we become something we are not, we abandon those things that make us the beautiful, never to be repeated, once in Continue reading “What Would God Change About You?” →

Maybe It’s Time To Stop Eating Burnt Toast?

“People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar.” Thich Nhat Hanh

We really are creatures of habit, aren’t we? Even if those habits are somewhat detrimental to our well being. Even if those habits prevent us from growing more fully into who it is we know we were created to become.

Habits are familiar. They become part of our identity. What is known and accepted comes with it’s own sense of predictability which creates a sense of safety, even if that safety feels uncomfortable and often empty.

But, for some, it’s better than the fear inherent with what’s unknown.

Burnt toast isn’t ideal, but if it’s all you’ve known, it’s just easier to simply settle and keep eating it, even if better options are readily available.

I’ve had my share of life’s burnt toast. Of settling for less than in the presence of abundant alternatives. The acceptance of my Continue reading “Maybe It’s Time To Stop Eating Burnt Toast?” →

The Paradox Of Hating The Things You Love To Do

It’s not as glamorous as you may think, getting up at 4:30 AM. But I’m trying to convince myself that I’m a runner, and runners run. For me, the most consistently convenient time to run starts, unfortunately, at 4:30 AM.

Get up. Stretch what needs to be stretched. Get dressed. Reflective outer layer and a headlamp strapped to my head.

As a runner, I’ll be the first to admit I’m not that good at running, even though I’ve been doing it for several years. I’m slow, I fatigue easily, and I know I will be sore enough to last me for the next two days.

One thing I’ve become quite good at, though, is showing up.

Running is more about my relationship with myself. About the commitments I make to myself and my willingness to keep them. Continue reading “The Paradox Of Hating The Things You Love To Do” →

Or Will You Be Just Another Year Older?

One year from today is going to happen.

A lot can happen in the next 365 days. Or, nothing can happen in the next 365 days.

Those hopes and dreams, that big idea, the goals and intentions?

The person you tell yourself you want to become?

Not gonna happen on their own.

Time really doesn’t care what you do with it. It doesn’t care about those hopes and dreams and the person you tell yourself you want to become.

One year from today you can be one year closer to living a life more aligned with your purpose and vision. Or you can remain dormant and wonder where the hell the past year went.

One year from today, will you be more than just another year older?

Photo by Kate Williams on Unsplash

Peter Mis LivingHalfFull.com

Lessons From A Life Unfolding

Tag: mindset