The Life You Decide To Live

A pie eating contest, winning a stuffed pig at a carnival, and running a seven mile road race.

What do they all have in common?

Intention.

Scrolling through my photos from the past 12 months I was reminded of some of the interesting things I did this year. Some big things, some small things, some new things, some familiar things.

If I didn’t show up for them they never would have happened for me.

As a recovering “hoper and wisher”, I know the good stuff in life seldom just shows up no matter Continue reading “The Life You Decide To Live” →

How Deep Is Your Love?

I was told there’s nothing to see there.

Which is why I wanted to see it.

It’s 7:30 AM and right on schedule the ferry pulled away from the dock for the one hour ride to New Shoreham, a small island off the coast of Rhode Island. A booming summer tourist hotspot, the island is in full hibernation mode on this frigid December morning. Cold, isolated, and barren.

It’s exactly what I had hoped for.

I’m not sure when a ritual becomes a tradition, but for the past several years I select one day in late December to become somewhat invisible and inaccessible. A spiritual spa day of sorts, where I find myself in cold, isolated, and barren locations in coastal Massachusetts and Rhode Island wonderfully alone, embarking on long hikes in solitude where the only voice I hear is the one in my head.

These days are important days. These are the days of reflection, release, realignment, and reconnection. This is a safe space for me to be honest with me about me. A kind and loving space where I allow myself to process and unpack the heaviness life sometimes throws upon your shoulders and your heart. In this space there is no agenda nor the pressure of needing to Continue reading “How Deep Is Your Love?” →

Defiant Enthusiasm

“Five golden rings!”

It’s amazing how much noise 132 elementary school students can make. But there they were, on stage for the annual Holiday concert belting out “The 12 Days of Christmas” for a very appreciative audience.

It was a beautiful noise.

These kids were fully animated. Each day of the 12 included a visual interpretation of each gift given, from lords a-leaping to maids a-milking. Their enthusiasm was so infectious the crowd began to mimic the actions of the kids from their seats. Even Santa, who was sitting in the room, joined in as well.

The enthusiasm and energy these kids brought this day was genuine and real. They showed up, lined up, and dove all the way in. The innocence of youth provides plenty of room for joyous enthusiasm to be fully expressed.

For the rest of us, well, enthusiasm feels like a lot more work.

Life does have a way of trying to beat the enthusiasm out of us adults, doesn’t it? Enthusiasm is Continue reading “Defiant Enthusiasm” →

Creating A Safe Space For The Suck

It’s a game I’ve played with myself. Or maybe it was more of a survival mechanism.

I’d always been a big fan of the present moment. Unless I didn’t like the present moment. Then I’d find another moment somewhere in the future to save me from the discomfort of the present one.

I got quite proficient at using desired future outcomes to try and outrun the emotional challenges I could often find myself dealing with. Someday took the pressure off today. Someday allowed me to defer my responsibility of dealing with what is until some time in the distant future. Reaching those desired outcomes would take care of everything, I repeatedly told myself.

And they never did.

I’ve run away enough to know that running away never gets you anywhere else other than where you already are.

Someday is full of those distant utopian promises which we allow to sustain us at the expense of Continue reading “Creating A Safe Space For The Suck” →

Good Enough Seldom Is

With clarity and conviction in her voice I could tell she was a woman who knew what she wanted.

“Margherita pizza, cooked well done, extra basil.”

Yet when the pizza arrived, it wasn’t done exactly the way she wanted it done. After some initial griping to the other guests at the table about what was served to her, she quietly consumed her undercooked, slightly basil’d pizza, accepting less than what she wanted with every bite.

Why is it that we are so willing to accept less than what we know we want for ourselves?

Sometimes we settle because habitually we’ve always settled. We’ve been conditioned to settle because it’s always been easier and safer to accept less instead of fighting for what we know we want and deserve. Sometimes we don’t ask for what we want for fear of losing what we Continue reading “Good Enough Seldom Is” →

An Unexpected Expression Of Humanity

I’d forgotten what college tour season was like. But here we are meandering from school to school with student ambassadors walking us through their campuses enthusiastically pitching us as to why they feel their school is the ideal place to spend the next four years.

After these tours, the Standard Operating Procedure has been each school’s admission office sending out a generic “thanks for visiting our school” email and reminding us of key dates ahead in the application process. In our old fashioned US Postal Service mailbox, though, we received an unusual surprise.

A hand written personalized Thank You note from one of the student tour guides we had visited. It’s the only Thank You card we’ve received from any of them.

Certainly you don’t decide on a college based upon getting a card in the mail after a tour. But in receiving such a card, Devin the student tour guide differentiated himself from the other equally competent tour guides we’ve interacted with through this process.

Devin’s note stirred up an inner conversation about gratitude and connection. The digital world of emails, texts, and faceless AI interfaces is cold and vastly impersonal especially when compared to the warmth and authenticity found in receiving something hand created specifically for you. Continue reading “An Unexpected Expression Of Humanity” →

Dear Intuition, I’m Sorry

Something told me it was wrong, but I just kept going anyway.

It was a perfect day for a ride through the woods. Crisp but not cold, and the morning sun was filtering through the colorful leaves of the season. It was the annual 10 mile charity trail race taking me and my mountain bike through gravel fire roads and off-road grass and root-covered trails within the confines of a local conservation reserve.

Half way through the course and things were looking good. I was making good time and my legs felt strong. Ahead of me was another rider who had passed me a bit earlier. With the course poorly marked it felt good to have someone in the distance ahead of me to guide me through the remainder of the ride.

Or so I thought.

As we both headed down the only paved section of the course I noticed the open gate of a fire road which looked somewhat familiar. I participated in this event a year ago and I remember the Continue reading “Dear Intuition, I’m Sorry” →

Making Space For The Noise

At times it sounds like a talk radio show. Hostile. Loud. Contentious. Not what you want to hear while quietly sitting still on your meditation bench.

Welcome to the thoughts in my head.

Years ago I was told that meditation was a peaceful process. Just sit, close my eyes, and the light of positivity and peace would embrace me. How disappointed was I when that never happened. The mind will speak when it wants to speak and sometimes it has a lot of unpleasant things to say, even if you’re on your meditation bench.

My job is to notice, not to judge or criticize what my thoughts may want to contribute.

My job is to make space for the Noise.

The Noise. In the form of thoughts of frustration, uncertainty, regret, and doubt, all aspects of life we tend to experience but would rather not hear about. Especially when we’re trying to calm the mind through meditation.

Maybe the Noise just wants to be heard?

The Buddhist nun Pema Chodron speaks of the mind being like a blue sky, equating thoughts as clouds passing though. The clouds can be puffy white or dark and stormy, but the clouds demonstrate their impermanence, simply passing through and fading away for us to notice as Continue reading “Making Space For The Noise” →

Releasing The Grasp Of Perfection

It’s the invisible burden. Perfection. The need to live up to elevated standards set for us by others, and, at times, set by ourselves for ourselves. And even those standards which we set for ourselves are usually measured against some sort of societal yardstick of how we are “supposed” to be living our lives.

I’m sure we’ve all been caught up in the perfection vortex at some point in our lives. Where no matter what we do it’s never good enough. No matter how hard we try it’s still never enough. No matter how much we earn, how fit we are, what we drive, or what we’ve professionally achieved we can find ourselves consistently falling short of the utopian panacea of perfection.

There is a heaviness which comes from not being where we’ve been told we should be. That weight allows no room for self-compassion or grace. Because there is still more work to do.

There will always be more work to do.

Instead of being where I’m supposed to be, I’ve gotten much better at being where I am. Instead of being who I’m supposed to be, I’ve gotten much better at being who I am.

It’s a different kind of perfection, allowing and accepting is. When you’re not beating yourself Continue reading “Releasing The Grasp Of Perfection” →

The People You Meet Along The Way

They’re waiting for you.

Whether the road is well worn or it’s the road less traveled you’ll find them. Your perpetuators and your enablers. If that road is the road of your personal growth and evolution, magnetically you will encounter those willing to support you through your process. And if that road is the road of your own inner destruction, the magnet will make sure your inner demons don’t destroy you alone.

My life has been one of many paths, some far more enjoyable than others. There have been mountains of growth and valleys of self-destruction. On those paths I’ve chosen – intentionally and unintentionally – I’d experience more of what I expected to experience, even if I may not have wanted to experience more of it at all.

People included.

Regardless of my intended or unintended destination, there have always been people willing to either keep me stuck or to lift me higher. Like some sort of tribal magnetism. When I’ve been ready to grow the growth tribe would be found. When I was tethered to a mindset of limitation and lack, there were plenty of like-minded individuals available to share my misery with.

Perpetuators and enablers.

I was recently sent an unattributed quote about the impact of the people we surround ourselves with and how that immediate circle will influence and shape who we will become. Paraphrasing, when you hang around with five intelligent people you will become the sixth. Hang around with Continue reading “The People You Meet Along The Way” →

Peter Mis LivingHalfFull.com

Lessons From A Life Unfolding

Tag: mindfulness