The Desirable Discomfort

“Sometimes the only way out is through.”

Recently I reconnected with an old friend. My trail bike. I’d often glance at it hanging on a hook from a rafter in my shed, promising myself that one of these days I’m going to take it out for a ride.

Today was the day.

Not too far from home is a large state forest with miles of trails and unpaved fire access roads, a natural habitat for trail bikes to explore and wander. It had been years since my last ride here but it felt like I hadn’t missed a beat as I headed off on my adventure.

Heavy rains over the past few days made the dirt roads a bit muddy in places, but mud always makes trail bike riding more exciting, more primal. Getting filthy is part of the process and before too long mud was pretty much everywhere. I guess the kid in me has never outgrown his fascination with mud.

As I got deeper into the woods the uneven nature of the roads were partially flooded from the rains. As much as I enjoy mud, I would navigate my bike around the edges of these deep puddles adding a bit more intensity to the ride. But at one point, the road was completely flooded from side to side. Impassable.

Unless I wanted to get very wet.

With trees bordering both sides of the flooded road, I stopped and assessed my options. The “puddle” was a good 30 feet long, I had no idea how deep it was, and there was no dry alternative to get around what was in front of me.

“Sometimes the only way out is through.”

Sitting on my bike contemplating the words of Robert Frost, I knew that to get beyond what was in front of me I would need to go through what was in front of me. There really wasn’t any other Continue reading “The Desirable Discomfort” →

The Freedom Of Possibility

It was one of the stupidest decisions I’ve ever made.

Driving home from a late night out in the big city with a few friends. In front of me was a wide open stretch of highway which for some unknown reason inspired me to wonder just how fast my car could actually go. Fueled by a potentially lethal combination of teenage invincibility and alcohol, I pressed the pedal as hard as I could just to see exactly how fast my ’73 Toyota could go.

My experiment was cut short by a rather unsettling noise coming from the rear tires. Apparently the high rate of speed I was traveling at created a great deal of heat causing the retreads on my tires to separate from the tires, which I discovered after stopping to see if I could find where the noise was coming from. I had no idea that was even possible until I held a piece of a tire in my hand. After that experience, I had no intention of ever finding out exactly how fast that car could go.

Things certainly could have easily turned out much differently.

This far more mature and long-sober version of me often ponders a different sort of experiment. What would the outcome be if I pushed myself to my limits. Like, if I gave life all I had to give, Continue reading “The Freedom Of Possibility” →

Maybe The Broken Aren’t Actually Broken?

Sometimes the heaviest things we carry are the judgments we make about ourselves. The belief system about who we tell ourselves we really are. The belief system which influences our expectations and shape our experiences, reinforcing the belief system as a result.

If you take notice, life has proven to be a self-fulfilling prophecy. We do tend to experience what we expect to experience, even if at times we don’t really want to experience it. If paradise was within our reach, our arms would never be fully extended to reach for it if on some level we don’t believe we are supposed to experience it. The weight of our self-judgment will keep us where we’ve convinced ourselves we’re supposed to be. Wanting. Wishing. But never moving beyond where we’ve accepted we are supposed to be.

Life at times can certainly leave us to believe we are broken. Flawed. Defective. Not worthy. Too Continue reading “Maybe The Broken Aren’t Actually Broken?” →

When All Of Me Matters

I’ve never had a spa day, but according to Cleo spa days are a vitally important part of her self care regimen.

I don’t know who Cleo is. She was one of several people sharing their thoughts on a podcast talking about how they like to show themselves a little love and attention. We all deserve a little pampering now and again, don’t we?

I’ve never been much into pampering. My way of showing myself a little love was showing myself a little tough love, of me reminding me why I didn’t deserve any pampering. It was a narrative I learned in my youth and continued to perpetuate as an adult.

I got quite good at it as an adult.

It was one particularly brutal tough love “self care” session, though, which profoundly changed how I would care for myself going forward. Surprisingly, I asked myself why I was being so cruel to myself. Why was I so relentless in beating myself down for failing to live up to the unrealistic Continue reading “When All Of Me Matters” →

The Perfect Place To Be Annoyed

There are days when even I don’t like being around me.

Today is one of those days.

It’s been a busy stretch of late. Personal and professional obligations have outpaced my capacity to properly fuel my ability to take care of them. Quality sleep and quality nutrition have been the collateral damage in my attempt to balance all that needs to be balanced.

I’m annoyed, easily agitated, a bit overwhelmed, and I don’t see any upcoming breaks in the schedule where I’ll be able to catch my breath.

I’m not good at being miserable.

But here I am, trying not to splatter my misery upon those around me.

For me, one of the best parts about being miserable is being able to step back and notice that I Continue reading “The Perfect Place To Be Annoyed” →

The Willingness To Ask

Spending $72.00 on M&M’s was much easier than I thought it would be.

I’m in New York City with the family, Times Square. And in Times Square is a huge retail store dedicated to just one thing.

M&M’s.

On three floor with over 25,000 square feet of space, for me the highlight of visiting is always the Wall Of Chocolate, a 50 foot wide 2-stories tall collection of 74 tubes filled with every M&M imaginable. Grab a plastic bag, place it under the tube, open the chute, and the color of your choice drops into your bag. Then off to the next color. And then the next color.

The fun adds up.

And at $17.00 per pound, so does the cost.

Standing in the checkout line I had no idea how much I had spent, but from the weight of the bag I knew it would be steep. It was a fun experience, the kids were quite happy, and it’s hard to assign a dollar value to that.

The cashier was quite engaging, and we had a nice conversation while she weighed and scanned each of the bags we’d filled. “$71.85 is your total.” As I handed my card over for payment, I jokingly suggested I should have asked for a “friends and family” discount based upon the jovial nature of our conversation. Apparently she thought that was a good idea, and to my surprise, I was given 30% off my total.

I really wasn’t expecting a discount. But in asking, even jokingly, I did receive one.

If you don’t ask the answer is always no.

Asking can be rather uncomfortable at times. Especially when we are asking ourselves some uncomfortable questions. About our life. About what we want for our life. About where we are in life in relation to what we want in our life.

Often it’s just easier to take what’s in front of us and to take what life has given us and be on our way. Avoiding any introspective questions means we don’t need to deal with their potential discomfort. In time, though, such avoidance creates its own inevitable discomfort as you eventually acknowledge the gap between where you are and where you want to be.

Much of our willingness to accept less than we want for ourselves is an underlying mindset that we may believe we are somehow unworthy of receiving all that is ours to receive. And if we don’t feel we are worthy of it, we certainly won’t be asking for it. In accepting this premise, we will perpetuate our existing life experience creating additional evidence we will use to support this premise of unworthiness. Continue reading “The Willingness To Ask” →

The Only Flaw Is Thinking That You’re Flawed

It was one of those oversized envelopes stuffed in the mail box. It looked pretty important, unlike most of the things I find stuffed in my mail box.

The manufacturer of my car was notifying me of a recall, something to do with some part of the fuel pump which needed to be replaced. When I called to schedule the service appointment, I was assured this was no big deal. Anthony explained there was some sort of design flaw impacting the original fuel pumps but the new ones are ready to install.

Flaws. In automobiles they’ve figured out how to correct them when the performance of the vehicle isn’t meeting certain standards. In humans, though, flaws are a bit of a different story.

It’s all about the story.

The story we tell ourselves about ourselves.

At some point in our lives we start to accept certain things about ourselves. And we’re quite good of identifying and accepting the not so good stuff we tell ourselves about ourselves. Flaws, we call them.

There is a certain peace in accepting your flaws. You’re no longer fighting against yourself. Your acceptance of these limitations and shortcomings act as some sort of loving and Continue reading “The Only Flaw Is Thinking That You’re Flawed” →

The Ever Present Presence Of Pain

The constant annoying chirp coming from the ceiling was doing me a huge favor. The batteries in the smoke detector were kind enough to tell me they needed to be changed.

My annoyance eventually shifted to gratitude as I climbed the ladder and replaced the two AA batteries. Grateful to be made aware of a situation and to proactively take care of it.

But not everything that is broken tells us that it is.

Especially when it comes to people.

We humans are quite good at masking pain, aren’t we? Of hiding the hurt behind radiant smiles and jovial laughter, creating an outer perception of “all togetherness” while being anything but on the inside.

The expression of pain and hurt is viewed as a weakness, an emotional liability in a world which seemingly only values strength. So facades are built, walls are constructed, and the painful Continue reading “The Ever Present Presence Of Pain” →

Are You Worth The Effort?

Perhaps this is a question you’ve never asked of yourself.

Our ability to grow and evolve is a choice we get to make for ourselves. Odds are there are already blueprints for the steps we’ll need to take to grow and evolve into whatever it is we decide we want to grow and evolve into. With an endless amount of information surrounding us, what is needed is a willingness to actually take action.

That’s where we can get stuck.

I’ve enthusiastically stood on the threshold of growth many times, both personally and professionally. I’ve had the opportunity, the ability, and I knew what needed to be done. Yet, quite often, I never did.

Looking back on several of those moments in my life, I’ve found a common theme for my inaction. It wasn’t laziness. It wasn’t ignorance.

It was a matter of worthiness.

There’s a story we always tell ourselves about ourselves. It’s a story of who it is we believe ourselves to be and what we believe is possible for us in our lives. For me, the greatest killer of Continue reading “Are You Worth The Effort?” →

Our Own Sacred Space To Unfold

Growth should come with a warning label. Not to dissuade anyone from starting, but just to let them know what lies ahead.

For some, growth is a luxury, a curiosity-based exploration into the further reaches of human potential. For others, growth is a necessity, driven by the consistent and crushing emotional weight of unresolved trauma and pain, to the point where a journey through the fire becomes the only viable option.

Mine was more of a necessity.

A commitment to growth signs you up for a process of learning and unlearning, of discovering and uncovering, of defining and re-defining, of anxiously diving into the deep end of your emotional pool while questioning your ability to swim.

And knowing nobody is coming to save you once you hit the water.

The journey through my own fires has been a challenging and meandering undertaking, at times Continue reading “Our Own Sacred Space To Unfold” →

Peter Mis LivingHalfFull.com

Lessons From A Life Unfolding

Tag: mental health