Category: peace

The Unexpected Peace Of Acceptance

The Unexpected Peace Of Acceptance

Who knew such lessons could be contained in an eight foot section of rope?

A few years back I was humbled by a jump rope. One of the exercises in this particular fitness class I had signed up for involved jumping rope, something I’d not done in decades. But, how hard could it be? After all, it’s jumping rope, like riding a bicycle. You just pick up where you left off, right?

As I awkwardly spun the rope over my head, for the life of me I just couldn’t time my jumps correctly as the rope swung towards my feet. No grace. No elegance. No coordination. Recognizing my growing frustration, I kept trying and eventually I got into a bit of a rhythm until I hit the wall aerobically, surprisingly quickly fatigued by the cumulative challenge of jumping rope.

Maybe I wasn’t in as good of shape as I thought I was. I’d been consistently active at the gym, running consistently three times a week, yet a simple jump rope showed me I really wasn’t where I thought I was fitness wise.

Most of my significant moments of growth have grown out of moments when life humbled me. Some of those moments were unwelcome but showed up anyway. In other moments I voluntarily engaged with the realization and acceptance of certain situations, people, and circumstances and was willing to meet them where they were. 

Including the jump rope.

Including myself.

Fighting with my perceptions of reality can often feel justified, even cathartic. And while the fighting might feel good, the fighting keeps you stuck and distracts you from taking the next steps in response to embracing the truth about those certain situations, people, and circumstances which, like that jump rope, can show you exactly where you are in relation to them.

If you’re open and willing to do so.

The jump rope showed me something I didn’t see in me. I could have discredited or denied the uncomfortable findings, or I could have accepted what was and decided to growth through it instead. Which is what I chose to do. I’ve gotten much better at casting aside my ego and habitual blame and allowing myself to be humbled by the truths in front of me. Knowing and accepting What Is provides the perfect foundation to build What Could Be if building a different experience is what you want to create for you. And in some areas of my life that’s exactly what I am intentionally doing.

Acceptance isn’t surrender. Acceptance isn’t passive. Acceptance isn’t even being OK with how portions of life actually are. It’s about allowing life to be exactly as it is right now and moving forward – or not – from a position of understanding where you are right now. 

There is an unexpected peace and freedom which comes from accepting life as it is, without judging, without resisting, without wishing it was any different even if you’re tempted to wish that it was. For me that has been a long, non-linear, painful process.

But I’m getting better at it.

Just like jumping rope.

Photo by Ashley Inguanta on Unsplash

The Long Road To Emotional Self Reliance

The Long Road To Emotional Self Reliance

I’ve been told I can be a bit extreme at times. If it’s worth doing, it’s worth over doing, right? It’s usually to my detriment, even if I know that going in. Yet here I go again, diving in deep.

I’ve never fully understood why.

It’s been a little over a week since I had my last sips of caffeine. Which is a huge deal for me, because I would inhale caffeine in the form of fresh brewed iced tea. Lots of iced tea. Most mornings caffeine was the BFF I couldn’t wait to hook up with. My habit was supported by the availability of fairly good iced tea I’d get a convenience store I would intentionally pass by each day. It’s cheap and easily accessible, the perfect breeding ground for me to over-indulge excessively.

As much as I enjoyed the first few of the several tall cups of my beverage each day, at some point it would start working against me. There is a diminishing return on the amount of caffeine I’d often consume. For a beverage which is supposed to perk me up, at the end of the day I’d be anything but perked. Yet tomorrow I would repeat the same process.

As I’ve made my way through the expected brutality of caffeine-withdrawal headaches, I began to look at my relationship with iced tea. Why do I drink so much? Why do I need to drink it at all?

This line of inner questioning was reminiscent to a conversation I had with myself 23 years earlier regarding my alcohol consumption. It was a relationship much like the one I had with iced tea. Why did I Continue reading “The Long Road To Emotional Self Reliance” →

The Proper Use Of Middle Fingers

The Proper Use Of Middle Fingers

I could tell she’d done this before.

Arm fully extended, as was the middle finger on her left hand. All while maintaining perfect eye contact with me as she angrily and defiantly drove past me.

Apparently my driving skills did not meet her exacting standards, hence the middle finger feedback.

The world seems full of middle fingers these days. Perhaps everyone feels empowered as hostility and division have become seemingly commonplace and accepted. It’s easy to flip someone off perched high in the driver’s seat of an oversized SUV, just as it’s easy to trash someone on social media given the absence of physical proximity and the anonymity we can hide behind online, ever so brave behind the safety of a keyboard.

As much as I appreciated her feedback, I decided not to return the favor. I do have two middle fingers and I’ve certainly used them over the years to provide my own feedback to others. This time, I didn’t want to engage.

The price was too high.

When triggered, our response is always our choice. Returning fire might make you feel good in the Continue reading “The Proper Use Of Middle Fingers” →

Inner Peace Always Lets You Know Where You Can Find It

Inner Peace Always Lets You Know Where You Can Find It

It would be so much easier if my keys could speak. This way when I go looking for them in the morning they could tell me where they are.

“Hey, upstairs on the night table.” “On your desk under the utility bills”.

Yes, searching for things would be much easier if the things we were looking for told us exactly where to look. But even if they did, we’d still have to listen.

One of the more common items we collective search for is peace. Inner peace. Yet even though inner peace tells us exactly where it’s located, we often look everywhere else but inside in hopes of finding it.

My personal journey searching for my peace took me in many different external directions. It was a path of attainment and accomplishment. Of setting goals which certainly would get me the ever elusive peace I was looking for once my target had been Continue reading “Inner Peace Always Lets You Know Where You Can Find It” →

What Is It That You Need To Hear From You?

What Is It That You Need To Hear From You?

It’s a tough conversation. Because you know they’re the one responsible for how things turned out. They’re the one who fell short of what could have been. It’s a tough conversation because of who this person actually is.

You.

We hold ourselves to such alarmingly high standards, don’t we? We can be relentless at times, honestly. And when we get caught in a cycle of disappointment or regret we can poison ourselves with the venom of blame and anger. 

What is it that you need to hear from you? Are you able to release yourself from the heaviness of the burdens you’ve placed upon yourself? Because their weight is something you’ve no need to carry. Are you able to look at your younger self and understand that you did the best you could at the time? Because you did. Are you able to forgive yourself for falling short of the unrealistic expectations you’ve often set for yourself? Because forgiveness changes your relationship with you.

Only you can make peace with you. Only you can move you past your past and onto some solid emotional footing to move you forward and into who you now know you really are.

A tough conversation.

But it could be one which sets you free.

What is it that you need to hear from you?

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

Anger and Aggravation Are My New Best Friends

Anger and Aggravation Are My New Best Friends

There is something quite beautiful about feeling the need to punch a hole in the wall. Or in returning the favor when another driver flips me off on the way to work.

Anger and aggravation are wonderful blessings. Because they are two emotions which tell me how well I am handling the world when the world isn’t living up to my expectations of it. If my best response in the moment is the desire to put my fist through a 1/2-inch of drywall, I am no longer in control of my emotions. My emotions are in control of me.

The world can provide us with unlimited opportunities to become angry and aggravated. If we let it. But negative and hostile reactions tell me I need to stop and analyze why I Continue reading “Anger and Aggravation Are My New Best Friends” →