Releasing The Grasp Of Perfection

It’s the invisible burden. Perfection. The need to live up to elevated standards set for us by others, and, at times, set by ourselves for ourselves. And even those standards which we set for ourselves are usually measured against some sort of societal yardstick of how we are “supposed” to be living our lives.

I’m sure we’ve all been caught up in the perfection vortex at some point in our lives. Where no matter what we do it’s never good enough. No matter how hard we try it’s still never enough. No matter how much we earn, how fit we are, what we drive, or what we’ve professionally achieved we can find ourselves consistently falling short of the utopian panacea of perfection.

There is a heaviness which comes from not being where we’ve been told we should be. That weight allows no room for self-compassion or grace. Because there is still more work to do.

There will always be more work to do.

Instead of being where I’m supposed to be, I’ve gotten much better at being where I am. Instead of being who I’m supposed to be, I’ve gotten much better at being who I am.

It’s a different kind of perfection, allowing and accepting is. When you’re not beating yourself Continue reading “Releasing The Grasp Of Perfection” →

An Unscheduled Detour On The Long Road To Nowhere

It’s an unusual feeling, running ahead of schedule. But there I was driving into work when that little voice spoke up.

“Back roads?”

The seed was planted and on this particular morning, and with a bit of a grin, I took the next exit off the interstate and decided to take the long way into the office. For the next 45 minutes I’d meander somewhat aimlessly through the old country roads in total silence.

Because, why not?

From a quantifiable productivity level, heading into work would have been far more beneficial. More time to get more stuff done. On most days I’d opt for the increased productivity. But some days there is an unquantifiable productivity of meandering intentionally on the road headed to no particular destination.

I’ve know these back roads my entire life. They’ve seen all sorts of different versions of me. The angry me, the frustrated me, the uncertain me, and even a peaceful me from time to time. These Continue reading “An Unscheduled Detour On The Long Road To Nowhere” →

The People You Meet Along The Way

They’re waiting for you.

Whether the road is well worn or it’s the road less traveled you’ll find them. Your perpetuators and your enablers. If that road is the road of your personal growth and evolution, magnetically you will encounter those willing to support you through your process. And if that road is the road of your own inner destruction, the magnet will make sure your inner demons don’t destroy you alone.

My life has been one of many paths, some far more enjoyable than others. There have been mountains of growth and valleys of self-destruction. On those paths I’ve chosen – intentionally and unintentionally – I’d experience more of what I expected to experience, even if I may not have wanted to experience more of it at all.

People included.

Regardless of my intended or unintended destination, there have always been people willing to either keep me stuck or to lift me higher. Like some sort of tribal magnetism. When I’ve been ready to grow the growth tribe would be found. When I was tethered to a mindset of limitation and lack, there were plenty of like-minded individuals available to share my misery with.

Perpetuators and enablers.

I was recently sent an unattributed quote about the impact of the people we surround ourselves with and how that immediate circle will influence and shape who we will become. Paraphrasing, when you hang around with five intelligent people you will become the sixth. Hang around with Continue reading “The People You Meet Along The Way” →

A Faceful Of Wisdom

“We have a winner!”

Spending a few days in Maine we decided to include a stop at the 9th Annual Wild Blueberry Festival in Gray. And what’s a Wild Blueberry Festival without a blueberry pie eating contest.

In a scene reminiscent of a Hallmark movie I found myself in a small idyllic New England town standing at a table with nine others, hands behind our backs and blueberry pies inches from our faces awaiting the word to begin. When all was said and done, I turned my pie-stained face upwards to see the judge pointing at me declaring me the winner of the competition.

I won a blueberry pie eating contest. In Maine.

The grand prize included a four-pack of locally bottled blueberry soda and, more importantly, bragging rights.

As I wiped my face clean from the blueberries and crust embedded in my scruffy facial hair, I was asked if the pie actually tasted good.

I hadn’t really noticed.

Granted, the goal of a pie eating contest is to consume what’s in front of you faster than the others at the table. Devouring an 8 inch pie in 61 seconds didn’t leave room the evaluate the quality of the pie. It was all about speed.

On the hours-long drive home, still basking in the glory of my unexpected victory, I started thinking about speed. As in the pace of life. As in how much of life I may have missed being too Continue reading “A Faceful Of Wisdom” →

Biting Bigger

For most of the race I wasn’t sure I was going to make it. The seven mile course was longer than I was used to, and for most of this run the course was getting the best of me.

Until it didn’t.

Sometimes I bite off a bit more than I can chew. For most of my life my bites were much smaller, much safer, much more predictable. That led to a life equally smaller, safer, and predictable. But it wasn’t until I was willing to put myself into more challenging situations did I realize I had the capacity to bite bigger than I had previously allowed myself to do.

There is a silent sense of inner euphoria which comes from putting yourself into difficult situations and making it through to the other side. Intentionally embracing hard things, things outside the comfort zone, has the power to dramatically change the relationship you have with Continue reading “Biting Bigger” →

Is Your One & Only Life Worth It?

I was a bit confused as I watched him walk carefully over the jagged granite rocks exposed by the low tide. When he finally stopped, he took out his camera and he began to capture images of the weathered lighthouse precariously situated above him on the shore.

When he made his way back to where I was standing we stuck up a light conversation about how beautiful the scenery was. At some point I asked about his journey out over the rocks to take some photos and he just smiled. When he showed me a few of the images he shot from that vantage point I started to smile, too. They were stunning, taken from an unconventional angle which added an element of unexpected magnificence.

“Sometimes all you really need to do is to put yourself in position to succeed.”

There are easier ways to take a photo of a lighthouse. But he wasn’t looking for easy, he was looking to create something far more spectacular.

That’s exactly what he did.

I’ve been thinking about the significance of his words. Not in terms of photography but in life. Of Continue reading “Is Your One & Only Life Worth It?” →

Reapplying The Vision Of Your Life

It was time to do something special.

For my car.

Gassing up, I caught a glimpse out of the corner of my eye. A car wash. The car was on the filthy side and for some reason on this random day I decided to spend a couple of bucks and clean it up a bit.

I stopped at the kiosk as I approached the entrance. There I was presented with six different car wash options ranging from the basic wash to “The Works”. I don’t recall the exact name of the option I selected, but once my credit card payment was accepted the light turned green and into the wash bay I went.

All through the washing process a large LED indicator would light up and tell me exactly where we were in the cycle. Pre-Rinse, Foam Soak, Undercarriage Wash. Even Rain-X.

I wish they made Rain-X for humans.

The repellent nature of Rain-X causes water to bead up and easily run off coated surfaces, especially windshields. And sure enough with the final rinse of the washing process the water had nothing to cling to now that the car had just been coated.

As a human, sometimes things cling to me. Things get stuck, often becoming emotional things, Continue reading “Reapplying The Vision Of Your Life” →

Accepting The Gift Of Grace

After a bit of intense deliberation, the decision was made.

The choice was Chips Ahoy!

The vending machine sucked in my two dollars, I excitedly pressed the corresponding button, the spiral coils started turning moving my cookies closer to the edge and then the unthinkable happened. My cookies got stuck. The package must have gotten hung up on something and they never dropped down to the bottom of the machine. A few gentle nudges and a couple of slaps on the glass front proved fruitless. My money was gone, my cookies were stuck, and there wasn’t anything I could do about it.

In the grand scheme of things, this probably shouldn’t have been a big issue.

But on this day it was.

And that’s OK.

I’m much better at noticing how I respond to life’s unexpected challenges. How I respond when I’m disappointed, when my expectations aren’t met. I tend not to judge my responses nor judge myself for having the responses I have. I simply notice.

There is power in noticing.

At times there is anger, resentment, and frustration. At times there is peace, understanding, and acceptance.

Noticing serves as an emotional barometer of sorts, a gauge where I safely check in with me especially when my responses to adversity are negatively impacting my energy. You can’t not feel the tension of anger, resentment, and frustration.

The younger version of me would often perpetuate any perceived negative reactions by attacking myself for actually having them. A foundational part of my growth process has been Continue reading “Accepting The Gift Of Grace” →

The Preference Not To Hate

As soon as I opened the door I knew I was in trouble.

It’s Saturday morning and I’m heading out for a run. I’m out much earlier than usual in hopes of beating the July heat. But the heat had other plans and was already outside waiting for me.

I hate running in the heat, and on this day I felt empowered to remind myself that I did.

Adversity allows us to choose how we respond to it. Sometimes I respond by complaining about it, and sometimes that feels real good. I’ve come to notice, though, that complaining awakens a great deal of negativity within me. Acknowledging my hatred of running in the heat created my own inner heat, further compounding the adversity I already found myself facing. Not the best way to start a long run.

Not the best way to start most anything.

What if I chose not to hate?

Words matter greatly, and a word like “hate” is inherently hostile, often a disproportionate Continue reading “The Preference Not To Hate” →

The Unexpected Peace Of Acceptance

Who knew such lessons could be contained in an eight foot section of rope?

A few years back I was humbled by a jump rope. One of the exercises in this particular fitness class I had signed up for involved jumping rope, something I’d not done in decades. But, how hard could it be? After all, it’s jumping rope, like riding a bicycle. You just pick up where you left off, right?

As I awkwardly spun the rope over my head, for the life of me I just couldn’t time my jumps correctly as the rope swung towards my feet. No grace. No elegance. No coordination. Recognizing my growing frustration, I kept trying and eventually I got into a bit of a rhythm until I hit the wall aerobically, surprisingly quickly fatigued by the cumulative challenge of jumping rope.

Maybe I wasn’t in as good of shape as I thought I was. I’d been consistently active at the gym, running consistently three times a week, yet a simple jump rope showed me I really wasn’t where I thought I was fitness wise.

Most of my significant moments of growth have grown out of moments when life humbled me. Some of those moments were unwelcome but showed up anyway. In other moments I voluntarily engaged with the realization and acceptance of certain situations, people, and circumstances and was willing to meet them where they were.

Including the jump rope.

Including myself.

Fighting with my perceptions of reality can often feel justified, even cathartic. And while the fighting might feel good, the fighting keeps you stuck and distracts you from taking the next steps in response to embracing the truth about those certain situations, people, and circumstances which, like that jump rope, can show you exactly where you are in relation to them.

If you’re open and willing to do so.

The jump rope showed me something I didn’t see in me. I could have discredited or denied the uncomfortable findings, or I could have accepted what was and decided to growth through it instead. Which is what I chose to do. I’ve gotten much better at casting aside my ego and habitual blame and allowing myself to be humbled by the truths in front of me. Knowing and accepting What Is provides the perfect foundation to build What Could Be if building a different experience is what you want to create for you. And in some areas of my life that’s exactly what I am intentionally doing.

Acceptance isn’t surrender. Acceptance isn’t passive. Acceptance isn’t even being OK with how portions of life actually are. It’s about allowing life to be exactly as it is right now and moving forward – or not – from a position of understanding where you are right now.

There is an unexpected peace and freedom which comes from accepting life as it is, without judging, without resisting, without wishing it was any different even if you’re tempted to wish that it was. For me that has been a long, non-linear, painful process.

But I’m getting better at it.

Just like jumping rope.

Photo by Ashley Inguanta on Unsplash

Peter Mis LivingHalfFull.com

Lessons From A Life Unfolding

Author: Peter Mis