Self Compassion Looks Good On You

Mom told us the day was coming, the day we would all stand before our Creator and be held accountable for the way we lived our lives. Awaiting us all will be either a stairway to heaven or a highway to hell.

Judgment Day. The ultimate exit interview. “Heaven or hell? What will it be?”

Many of us need not stand before our Creator at the end of our lives in order to be judged.

We already do this. To ourself. 

And we can make our life a living hell in the process.

In a world which can be quite cruel at times, we, too, can be just as cruel. To ourself. Because we know who we really are, don’t we? We know our flaws and shortcomings better than anyone, and no matter how well we may hide them from the rest of the world, we will never be able to hide them from ourself. 

And there is so much to judge, isn’t there? Our appearance, our weight, what we haven’t accomplished, what we haven’t become, what we drive, where we live, what we earn, the expectations we’ve not lived up to, both our own or the expectations of others. There is always something we’re falling short of if we just look a little deeper.

We can become quite good at paving our own highway to inner hell.

Sometimes we find ourselves embracing habitual patterns of our own emotional self-destruction without ever knowing why we do so. Sometimes we do so because we’ve simply always done so, perpetuating a belief system which somehow took root and we’ve watered every time we feel we’re not living up to an impossible standard we continuously hold ourselves against.

Sometimes we do know when those seeds were planted and who actually planted them and watered them and nurtured them into the destructive force they’ve become in our life. And every time we come up short, we, now, become the ones watering the source of our own emotional self-destruction.

And we judge ourselves accordingly.

My self-judgment days were particularly harsh, at times border-line abusive. I’d then beat myself up for beating myself up. I didn’t deserve it, but there was no room for error. I was not worthy of receiving the compassion I was so easily willing to give to others. 

Until one day I simply asked myself why? Why was I treating me the way I was treating me?

And there wasn’t a good answer. Actually, in the silence, there was no answer.

In time, and after much uncomfortable yet necessary introspection, I eventually discovered the roots of where it all started for me. There was no malicious intent, but their actions proved malicious and greatly influenced and impacted the rigorous expectations that were set for me and eventually I would set for myself. And while tempted to blame and hold them accountable, I instead chose the peace found in understanding the source of the often brutal self-loathing I had simply come to accept in my life.

In every moment of our life we do get the opportunity for self-judgment. Often our verdict is instantaneous and without deliberation, perpetuating the often damning narratives we’ve consistently cast upon who we believe ourselves to be. Perhaps the next time we are tempted to inflict our wrath and pain upon ourself, perhaps we should ask ourselves if we are worthy of such a beating.

The compassionate answer is always “no”.

We are all worthy of such compassion.

Regardless of how we’ve gotten here, well, here we are. We are all growing and evolving, trying to balance the traumas of our past as we navigate the uncertainties of our future. It can be a daunting emotional load to carry. 

We don’t need to make it anymore difficult beating ourselves up in the process.

Self-compassion looks good on you.

Photo by Abi Lewis on Unsplash