Creating A Safe Space To Not Like Yourself

Relationships are inherently full of challenges, aren’t they?

Including the one you have with yourself.

For much of my life my relationship with me wasn’t particularly healthy. Especially when I would set for myself some often unrealistic expectations and how falling short of them would trigger a disproportionately harsh response within, often bordering on abusive. If I could have filed emotional restraining orders against myself I would have.

My version of self love wasn’t very loving.

It wasn’t that long ago when I surprisingly called myself out for the way I was treating me. After a particularly intense episode of self rage, with a compassionate curiosity I asked myself why I was being so brutally hard on me. To that question I couldn’t find a valid reason. It was just something I habitually did, something I had experienced as a child and perpetuated as an adult. But asking myself “why” was the start of me changing my relationship with me for the better. Because there was no good reason for me to treat me the way I was.

In that moment, a process began.

Gone now is the harshness and the abuse, in time replaced with acceptance, compassion, patience, and encouragement. 

A far more loving version of self love.

One paradox I discovered on the road to loving myself more was the need to create a safe space to not like myself. It’s an important space where I allow myself the room to be human. To be disappointed in me, frustrated by me, and at times simply not happy with me. It’s a safe space where I can be emotionally imperfect without fearing any harsh retribution against myself.

The space to at times not like myself is built upon a loving foundation of acceptance, compassion, patience, and encouragement. It allows me to safely make room for all parts of me, even the ones which would often turn me against me.

This is a space of understanding and healing, of realignment and growth.

Me, taking care of me.

Being human is a rather complex undertaking, at times quite difficult. Yes, I still have those moments where I feel as if I’ve let myself down and didn’t live up to my own expectations. The difference now is how I choose to respond to myself when I do.

Acceptance, compassion, patience, encouragement.

A great foundation to build a relationship upon.

Including the one with yourself.

Photo by Tom Shakir on Unsplash