Your Self Hatred Would Like To Have A Word With You

It’s the one relative we all hate.

The one who always shows up during life’s more challenging moments. The one who is always there to remind you of all the things you don’t like about yourself. The one who will remind you that it didn’t work out because it’s never supposed to work out for you.

We never actually see this relative. But we know the far too familiar voice living rent free in our heads.

The Inner Critic.

I’d have to say of the vast majority of those closest to me, none are as consistently there for me like my Inner Critic. In my moments of doubt and uncertainty, the Inner Critic is always right there to flawlessly reinforce any of the negativity I may be experiencing. It’s a loyalty unlike any other.

For years I’d work to minimize my Inner Critic, angrily trying to suppress that relentless voice. The Inner Critic was unfazed by my hostility. It had a job to do and it was going to get that job done regardless of the feeling I had towards it.

It always owned me. Until one day I asked “why?”.

After a particularly brutal assault, I engaged in an unexpected conversation with the me which continued to work against me. Frustrated, I asked for some answers. Why was I being so hard Continue reading “Your Self Hatred Would Like To Have A Word With You” →

When All Of Me Matters

I’ve never had a spa day, but according to Cleo spa days are a vitally important part of her self care regimen.

I don’t know who Cleo is. She was one of several people sharing their thoughts on a podcast talking about how they like to show themselves a little love and attention. We all deserve a little pampering now and again, don’t we?

I’ve never been much into pampering. My way of showing myself a little love was showing myself a little tough love, of me reminding me why I didn’t deserve any pampering. It was a narrative I learned in my youth and continued to perpetuate as an adult.

I got quite good at it as an adult.

It was one particularly brutal tough love “self care” session, though, which profoundly changed how I would care for myself going forward. Surprisingly, I asked myself why I was being so cruel to myself. Why was I so relentless in beating myself down for failing to live up to the unrealistic Continue reading “When All Of Me Matters” →

The Perfect Place To Be Annoyed

There are days when even I don’t like being around me.

Today is one of those days.

It’s been a busy stretch of late. Personal and professional obligations have outpaced my capacity to properly fuel my ability to take care of them. Quality sleep and quality nutrition have been the collateral damage in my attempt to balance all that needs to be balanced.

I’m annoyed, easily agitated, a bit overwhelmed, and I don’t see any upcoming breaks in the schedule where I’ll be able to catch my breath.

I’m not good at being miserable.

But here I am, trying not to splatter my misery upon those around me.

For me, one of the best parts about being miserable is being able to step back and notice that I Continue reading “The Perfect Place To Be Annoyed” →

On The Days You Really Don’t Want To

I was looking forward to it all day.

Nothing.

As in doing nothing when I finally got back home.

Life can get rather busy, can’t it? Commitments, obligations, and responsibilities can collectively get quite heavy at times. But on this night, there was nothing to carry.

The start of the year marked a re-commitment to taking care of my physical self. A recent series of ailments and injuries sidetracked my exercise efforts for the better part of a year, and now I was determined to get back on track.

I mapped out a schedule, I knew what I was going to do, and I started doing it.

But this night was a welcomed night off.

Until I remembered it wasn’t.

While relaxing and decompressing, excited that I’d be able to get to bed a bit earlier than usual, Continue reading “On The Days You Really Don’t Want To” →

The Problem With Gratitude

It’s a good question.

We know who we are grateful for in our lives, yet how often do we take the time to remind those who we appreciated that they are actually appreciated?

I was recently the recipient of a random act of gratitude. Unexpectedly, someone had gone out of their way to express how grateful they were for my contribution to a project we had both been working on. Honestly, I didn’t know how to respond, eventually finding the words “thank you” after instinctively attempting to minimize my contribution. The entire interaction, while appreciated, left me feeling a bit uncomfortable.

Why would something as powerful as gratitude ever feel uncomfortable to receive?

Perhaps it’s because we’re so used to not receiving it.

There is a degree of vulnerability associated with expressing gratitude. It’s often an interruption of the expected and usual conversations, and the recipient is left to wonder about the motivation behind why the gratitude was being expressed in the first place. The risk of being vulnerable is mitigated with our Continue reading “The Problem With Gratitude” →

Creating A Safe Space To Not Like Yourself

Relationships are inherently full of challenges, aren’t they?

Including the one you have with yourself.

For much of my life my relationship with me wasn’t particularly healthy. Especially when I would set for myself some often unrealistic expectations and how falling short of them would trigger a disproportionately harsh response within, often bordering on abusive. If I could have filed emotional restraining orders against myself I would have.

My version of self love wasn’t very loving.

It wasn’t that long ago when I surprisingly called myself out for the way I was treating me. After a particularly intense episode of self rage, with a compassionate curiosity I asked myself why I was being so brutally hard on me. To that question I couldn’t find a valid reason. It was just something I habitually did, something I had experienced as a child and perpetuated as an adult. But asking myself “why” was the start of me changing my relationship with me for the better. Because there was no good reason for me to treat me the way I was.

In that moment, a process began.

Gone now is the harshness and the abuse, in time replaced with acceptance, compassion, patience, and encouragement.

A far more loving version of self love.

One paradox I discovered on the road to loving myself more was the need to create a safe space to not like myself. It’s an important space where I allow myself the room to be human. To be disappointed in Continue reading “Creating A Safe Space To Not Like Yourself” →

You Owe Yourself A Sunrise

Sometimes we’re so busy looking we simply don’t take time to see.

It’s Saturday morning and I find myself just before dawn standing alone at the edge of the reservoir. It’s extremely peaceful, the only break in the silence comes from the sound of water fowl off in the distance. The eastern sky is transitioning in color as the sun begins to slowly rise, and a spectacular show it was, the colors changing by the moment as the sun lifted higher in the sky.

I can’t remember the last time I treated myself to a sunrise, to intentionally set off in the darkness and position myself to witness such a spectacular gift of Nature. Sunrises had not been the priority that they once were for me. Life gets busy and before you know it many of the self care rituals I had established for myself slowly became less frequent.

The things that reconnect you with you are not trivial. The things that ground you and re-energize you Continue reading “You Owe Yourself A Sunrise” →

Maybe The Answer Really Is Blowing In The Wind?

It would be such a convenient way of getting rid of my problems.

It’s Wednesday. Which means keep the windows closed. Hopefully that will keep most of the noise down.

Wednesday is the day when the landscaping crew shows up at the office complex. A team of hard-working men and women cut, trim, whack, rake, and edge, then comes my favorite part.

The leaf blowers.

They’re not just for blowing leaves.

Any pieces of grass which find their way onto the sidewalks or asphalt don’t stay there very long. The team of leaf blowers, with the machines strapped to their backs, make quick work of those rogue pieces of landscape debris.

Outside my window I have a bird’s eye view of the process. Essentially, the stuff which you don’t want to see is simply blown Continue reading “Maybe The Answer Really Is Blowing In The Wind?” →

The Most Important Valentine Of All

It probably would never work.

My idea for a new holiday.

It would be like Valentine’s Day, but the focus wouldn’t be on expressing our love towards a significant other.

It would be on expressing our love towards our significant self.

It often feels so much easier to extend love outward than it does inward, doesn’t it? To shower others with the cards and the candy and the flowers and the fancy dinners. But to shower our self with such objects of affection?

Probably not.

It’s too bad. Because we are equally worthy to receive from ourself the same love we are far more comfortable giving to others.

Perhaps when asking others to be your Valentine, maybe you could ask yourself as well?

Self love is never optional.

Photo by DESIGNECOLOGIST on Unsplash

Or Will You Be Just Another Year Older?

One year from today is going to happen.

A lot can happen in the next 365 days. Or, nothing can happen in the next 365 days.

Those hopes and dreams, that big idea, the goals and intentions?

The person you tell yourself you want to become?

Not gonna happen on their own.

Time really doesn’t care what you do with it. It doesn’t care about those hopes and dreams and the person you tell yourself you want to become.

One year from today you can be one year closer to living a life more aligned with your purpose and vision. Or you can remain dormant and wonder where the hell the past year went.

One year from today, will you be more than just another year older?

Photo by Kate Williams on Unsplash

Peter Mis LivingHalfFull.com

Lessons From A Life Unfolding

Tag: self care