The Clarity Of Impermanence

I hadn’t seen Steve in quite a while. We grew up in the same neighborhood, a bunch of us kids enamored with hockey and The Three Stooges. We all knew him as Zig, a nickname my older brother had endowed upon him. I never asked why. Life eventually took all of us in different directions until the unexpected reunion of us neighborhood kids at Steve’s wake.

Losing a friend hits differently. I’ve lost both of my parents, and as painful as their passings were and at times continue to be, I’ve come to accept the inevitable progression of children eventually burying their parents. But there is no natural expected progression when losing someone your own age.

Seeing Steve for the last time brought back a plethora of happy memories of my childhood. I could see all of us again as we once were.

And now one of us was no longer here.

There was a sense of randomness about his passing. As if it could have been any one of us who was no longer here. It was in that randomness I felt the uncomfortable presence of Continue reading “The Clarity Of Impermanence” →

The Benefits Of Showing Up Anyway

I didn’t expect the results to be good.

And they weren’t.

Standing in a cold wind-driven rain, I, along with several hundred others runners were lined up awaiting the starting gun to fire. The five mile course would meander through the Seaport district and along the frigid waterfront of South Boston. While I was ready for the start I knew I wasn’t ready to run.

But that’s what I was there to do.

The reasons for me not being as ready as I had wanted to be were strictly my own. “Other priorities” would be a convenient reframing of the excuses associated with my lack of being fully Continue reading “The Benefits Of Showing Up Anyway” →

Gratitude Is The New Caffeine

I do admit I miss the jolt.

It was like zero to sixty in just a few sips.

I could always count on my morning indulgence of caffeine to quickly get me into an elevated state. Something would shift in me, turning me from sedan to sports car with the greatest of ease.

My relationship with moderation can be, at times, challenging, with indulgences quite capable of morphing into over indulgences. Caffeine was no exception, which is the main reason why I go to great lengths to now avoid it.

I give caffeine a great deal of credit in its ability to awaken a daily dormant version of me, changing my subdued inner perspective to one of enthusiasm and possibility. But I would now need to find a different source of fuel to ignite me in the morning.

My new beverage of choice is gratitude.

Sometimes I forget about gratitude. In my ever busy world surrounded by an abundance of blessings I Continue reading “Gratitude Is The New Caffeine” →

The Magnetic Nature Of Expectations

The quote arrived in a social media feed.

“Expect nothing. Appreciate everything.”

The appreciate everything part…I can learn to do that. But the expect nothing part?

Is that even possible?

I’m not sure where my expectations come from, but they’ve always been there in one form or another. Expectations for myself as well as expectations for others. Especially the ones I had for others. Buddha warned that unmet expectations certainly can be a source of great suffering.

That’s exactly what they’ve been for me.

My problem with my expectations is they would often contradict reality. It was me not accepting What Is in favor of how it is I felt it Should Be. Or needed it to be. Forcing is a form of fear, a need to control that which is out of your control. Yes, a perfect breeding ground for a great source of suffering to flourish in.

Releasing expectations is a pathway towards peace, but for me it’s been a bit of a rocky road. Having no expectations means no one can disappoint you nor let you down, right? But many attempts to expect nothing proved to be nothing more than jaded, passive aggressive attempts to defiantly deal with my Continue reading “The Magnetic Nature Of Expectations” →

What Are You Saying To You About You?

I forgot I even owned one.

Going through a long-forgotten box in the back of my closet, and there it was. A Brother P-Touch label maker. Perhaps you had one as well? Simply type in the title of your label, hit “print” and out comes the custom label, right in the palm of your hand. It was rather addictive. I labeled just about everything. File folders, storage tubs, canisters of flour and sugar, even the wires coming out of the back of my computer.

I remember peeling off the back of the printed labels to reveal the sticky side of the tape. With large fingers, it proved to be a challenge from time to time, but once the labels were affixed to the surface they stuck for good.

Labels do have a way of sticking around.

Especially the ones we stick on our self.

As humans we are quite good at creating labels about who we think we are and what is possible for us. Have you ever listened to how you speak to yourself? How often do we reaffirm our limitations? How often do we reinforce a belief system which inhibits our growth and expansion? How often do we let life’s experiences define who it is we accept ourself to be, of letting our past determine our future? When we habitually tell ourselves we’re not good enough, talented enough, beautiful enough, strong enough…when we believe we’re unlovable, that we’re “too much’, unlucky, unworthy…those labels will keep us stuck exactly where we don’t really want to be.

These self-imposed labels greatly influence our overall sense of identity, and our accepted identity is our self-fulfilling prophecy.

The labels we willingly accept don’t even need to actually be true. We just need to believe they are true and our world will unfold accordingly. The good news is these labels are only permanent if allow them to Continue reading “What Are You Saying To You About You?” →

Smashing Through Your Own Glass Ceiling

Instagram reminded me of an experiment I first saw years ago. Researchers had placed fleas into a glass jar and sealed it shut with the glass lid. Instinctively, the fleas attempted to jump out of the jar to their freedom but with each jump were stymied as they hit the glass lid above them. Frustrated, at some point the fleas simply stopped jumping. And when the researchers removed the glass lid, the fleas remained in the jar, now conditioned to accept their captivity even with the barrier to their freedom removed.

I kind of understand the fleas’ take on this. They tried repeatedly to make it out of the jar without success. At some point, when do you simply stop looking for a way out and accept your limitations and learn to live with them?

As part of my journey, I’ve thought a great deal about my own limitations. Specifically, where did they come from and who put them there? Limitations are an extension of a belief system, and my belief system for a good portion of my life was a belief system I inherited. No one ever sat me down and clearly defined the limitations I would eventually accept as my own. Rather, I witnessed them slowly unfold around me in real time, destined to perpetuate a belief system which I knew wouldn’t serve me but accepted none the less.

The glass ceiling on the jar of my life was never actually there. It didn’t matter, though. I never knew I could actually jump.

Until I decided to started jumping.

The things we choose to believe about who we are and what’s possible for us will greatly shape our identity, which will always shape our life. We can accept the limited version of where we are as some sort of fate or destiny, pointing to our life experience as evidence of such, further conditioned to accept our own form of captivity. Or, we can decide to think outside of the jar, out-jumping the limitations we’ve accepted, free to more fully express ourselves as we choose to redefine our self identity as one of possibility and expansion.

Limitations are simply opinions we’ve accepted as truths. But we get to decide what is true for us.

It doesn’t matter how those limitations got there.

What matters now is what we decide to do with them.

You’ll be amazed at how high you can jump…

Photo by Jilbert Ebrahimi on Unsplash

Honoring Those Mountains You’ve Climbed

Perhaps you’ve forgotten how resilient you actually are?

There they were, relics from a different time in my life. Two good sized pieces of crystal with my name engraved in both. I forgot I even had them. These were given to me in recognition of exceeding sales performance expectations from earlier in my professional career. Actually, these weren’t given to me.

I earned them.

While results get the recognition, they never really tell the entire story of what it took to get those results, of what was endured in the process, of what you had to grow through and who you needed to grow into to earn a symbolic piece of crystal with your name on it.

As I unpacked these towel-wrapped pieces from the unmarked cardboard box which had been in the attic for more than 25 years, this older version of me was reminded of who this younger version of me was when I was received these trophies. I remember the challenges of this sales position and the difficult task I had willingly agreed to take on. My focus then shifted toward remembering the challenges I was facing simply being me at that time. The doubts, the fears, the anxiety, the pressure. Yet, somehow that version of me was able to stand at the base of this daunting mountain of a challenge and reach a summit which had never once felt remotely possible for me. It was a brutal climb, bruised and bloodied, but I guess I just kept climbing.

This older version of me cracked a little bit of a smile. I was proud of that younger version of me.

I try not to look back in life. There’s a lot in the rear view mirror that I really don’t wish to re-experience. The losses, the pains, the regrets, the mountains I wasn’t able to climb. Sometimes, though, looking Continue reading “Honoring Those Mountains You’ve Climbed” →

Creating The Space To Receive

I have to admit it was a bit unnerving.

I’d never seen a message like it before. It was from my email provider telling me that my email account was full. I’d need to delete some emails in order to create space to receive any new emails. The message was all text, it’s lack of any visible corporate identity greatly added to my overall sense of skepticism about the authenticity of the message. But when I realized I could no longer download any new messages I knew something had actually happened. Maybe my account was hacked?

Nope.

I had, in fact, reached the maximum capacity of emails in my inbox.

I’ve never been good at managing my email accounts. I get lots of emails from sources both known and unknown, and it’s always been easier to simply ignore these intrusive emails instead of taking the time to delete them and unsubscribe from distribution lists I never even knew I was a part of. I guess my “ignore them” strategy wasn’t perfect. Over the years, this particular account had accumulated over 92,000 unread messages, which, apparently, leaves no room to download anything new.

After spending quite some time deleting several thousand unread messages, I was able to create enough space for new messages to be received.

Being disconnected from my email was quite uncomfortable. What if there were important messages I needed to receive? My discomfort was directly related to my habitually holding on to what didn’t serve me, which, in this case, created no room to receive.

Once I resolved my email issues, I began to wonder. Are there other areas in my life where holding on was inhibiting my ability to receive?

Perhaps the greatest inhibitor to our ability to receive life’s greatest blessings is embracing a mindset Continue reading “Creating The Space To Receive” →

The Gift Which Never Feels Like A Gift

I was hoping I wouldn’t see her.

But there she was.

It’s Sunday grocery shopping and I’m standing in the deli line, ticket number 117 in my hand. I see Janet working the slicer and I’m hoping that she won’t be the one who calls number 117.

Janet and I have issues. Actually, Janet has no idea I have issues with her. Janet, actually, has no idea who I even am.

And then she speaks.

“Number 117?”

Seriously?

My instructions from those at home who eat the freshly sliced deli meat is that the deli meat is to be sliced extremely thin. It sounds like a simple request, but for some reason asking Janet to slice the olive loaf extremely thin doesn’t make her happy. My request is always met with an indignant damning glance, as if I’ve instructed her to violate some sacred law of slicing sandwich meat. After a pronounced pause she say “you know, if you slice olive loaf too thin, all the olives will fall out”, her eyes still tensely locked with mine. “That’s OK…that’s how they like it”, I defiantly reassure her. “That’s OK.” With that, she sets the slicer’s thickness dial as low as she can and begrudgingly slices the meat as I requested it, holding up the first slice awaiting my approval before she continues. I silently nod my head once and the standoff is finally over.

In that same head I hear my indignant lament. “Can’t a man simply have his sandwich meat sliced the way he wants it without his motives being questioned? Do I really have to deal with this on a Sunday morning?”

But this really isn’t about Janet. What this is really about is why would I let such a scenario annoy me as much as it does?

If we are willing to look closely we will notice that within all of us lie triggers, those external occurrences and unmet expectations which habitually set us off emotionally. And no matter how we may choose to Continue reading “The Gift Which Never Feels Like A Gift” →

Popsicles And The Art Of Reclaiming Possibility

If there was a movie about that rather dark period of my life, the soundtrack would have to be filled with the music from the band Soul Asylum.

It’s the early 1990’s. I’m moving forward in life, fully transitioned into adulthood, taking a few small steps up a corporate ladder I felt compelled to try and climb. The facade of smiles and joviality, lubricated and enhanced with a steady supply of alcohol, diligently disguised the heaviness of doubt and uncertainty swirling within.

Cue Soul Asylum.

There was a relatable rawness in the lyrics of Soul Asylum’s music. Dave Pirner’s songs of emptiness, loss, longing, vulnerability, and frustration so perfectly captured exactly where I was at that time in my life. Eloquently composed, yet painfully accurate.

But it was his popsicles which always saved me.

Like the sun peeking through an ever gloomy and ominously cloudy sky, one lyrical reference always offered a faint source of light in the musical darkness. Each time I hear these words they always bring me back to a more innocent time in my life.

“Standing in the sun with a popsicle, everything is possible…”

I remembered back when life was a clean slate and everything felt possible. As a kid with the sun washing your youthful face and with a popsicle in your hand, life is a wide open highway ready to take you anywhere you want to go. Until life gradually shows up and experience and expectations turn that wide open highway into an unmarked and unpaved backroad endlessly circling back upon itself.

Life does have a way of ripping the popsicle out of your hand and wiping the smile off your now not-so-youthful face, doesn’t it?

Life does get busy. Life does get hard. Practicality often replacing possibility in the process.

Yet possibility always exists. In the light, in the darkness. In the flow, in the struggle. In the peace, and Continue reading “Popsicles And The Art Of Reclaiming Possibility” →

Peter Mis LivingHalfFull.com

Lessons From A Life Unfolding

Tag: mindset