Releasing The Grasp Of Perfection

It’s the invisible burden. Perfection. The need to live up to elevated standards set for us by others, and, at times, set by ourselves for ourselves. And even those standards which we set for ourselves are usually measured against some sort of societal yardstick of how we are “supposed” to be living our lives.

I’m sure we’ve all been caught up in the perfection vortex at some point in our lives. Where no matter what we do it’s never good enough. No matter how hard we try it’s still never enough. No matter how much we earn, how fit we are, what we drive, or what we’ve professionally achieved we can find ourselves consistently falling short of the utopian panacea of perfection.

There is a heaviness which comes from not being where we’ve been told we should be. That weight allows no room for self-compassion or grace. Because there is still more work to do.

There will always be more work to do.

Instead of being where I’m supposed to be, I’ve gotten much better at being where I am. Instead of being who I’m supposed to be, I’ve gotten much better at being who I am.

It’s a different kind of perfection, allowing and accepting is. When you’re not beating yourself Continue reading “Releasing The Grasp Of Perfection” →

The People You Meet Along The Way

They’re waiting for you.

Whether the road is well worn or it’s the road less traveled you’ll find them. Your perpetuators and your enablers. If that road is the road of your personal growth and evolution, magnetically you will encounter those willing to support you through your process. And if that road is the road of your own inner destruction, the magnet will make sure your inner demons don’t destroy you alone.

My life has been one of many paths, some far more enjoyable than others. There have been mountains of growth and valleys of self-destruction. On those paths I’ve chosen – intentionally and unintentionally – I’d experience more of what I expected to experience, even if I may not have wanted to experience more of it at all.

People included.

Regardless of my intended or unintended destination, there have always been people willing to either keep me stuck or to lift me higher. Like some sort of tribal magnetism. When I’ve been ready to grow the growth tribe would be found. When I was tethered to a mindset of limitation and lack, there were plenty of like-minded individuals available to share my misery with.

Perpetuators and enablers.

I was recently sent an unattributed quote about the impact of the people we surround ourselves with and how that immediate circle will influence and shape who we will become. Paraphrasing, when you hang around with five intelligent people you will become the sixth. Hang around with Continue reading “The People You Meet Along The Way” →

Is Your One & Only Life Worth It?

I was a bit confused as I watched him walk carefully over the jagged granite rocks exposed by the low tide. When he finally stopped, he took out his camera and he began to capture images of the weathered lighthouse precariously situated above him on the shore.

When he made his way back to where I was standing we stuck up a light conversation about how beautiful the scenery was. At some point I asked about his journey out over the rocks to take some photos and he just smiled. When he showed me a few of the images he shot from that vantage point I started to smile, too. They were stunning, taken from an unconventional angle which added an element of unexpected magnificence.

“Sometimes all you really need to do is to put yourself in position to succeed.”

There are easier ways to take a photo of a lighthouse. But he wasn’t looking for easy, he was looking to create something far more spectacular.

That’s exactly what he did.

I’ve been thinking about the significance of his words. Not in terms of photography but in life. Of Continue reading “Is Your One & Only Life Worth It?” →

Accepting The Gift Of Grace

After a bit of intense deliberation, the decision was made.

The choice was Chips Ahoy!

The vending machine sucked in my two dollars, I excitedly pressed the corresponding button, the spiral coils started turning moving my cookies closer to the edge and then the unthinkable happened. My cookies got stuck. The package must have gotten hung up on something and they never dropped down to the bottom of the machine. A few gentle nudges and a couple of slaps on the glass front proved fruitless. My money was gone, my cookies were stuck, and there wasn’t anything I could do about it.

In the grand scheme of things, this probably shouldn’t have been a big issue.

But on this day it was.

And that’s OK.

I’m much better at noticing how I respond to life’s unexpected challenges. How I respond when I’m disappointed, when my expectations aren’t met. I tend not to judge my responses nor judge myself for having the responses I have. I simply notice.

There is power in noticing.

At times there is anger, resentment, and frustration. At times there is peace, understanding, and acceptance.

Noticing serves as an emotional barometer of sorts, a gauge where I safely check in with me especially when my responses to adversity are negatively impacting my energy. You can’t not feel the tension of anger, resentment, and frustration.

The younger version of me would often perpetuate any perceived negative reactions by attacking myself for actually having them. A foundational part of my growth process has been Continue reading “Accepting The Gift Of Grace” →

Your Self Hatred Would Like To Have A Word With You

It’s the one relative we all hate.

The one who always shows up during life’s more challenging moments. The one who is always there to remind you of all the things you don’t like about yourself. The one who will remind you that it didn’t work out because it’s never supposed to work out for you.

We never actually see this relative. But we know the far too familiar voice living rent free in our heads.

The Inner Critic.

I’d have to say of the vast majority of those closest to me, none are as consistently there for me like my Inner Critic. In my moments of doubt and uncertainty, the Inner Critic is always right there to flawlessly reinforce any of the negativity I may be experiencing. It’s a loyalty unlike any other.

For years I’d work to minimize my Inner Critic, angrily trying to suppress that relentless voice. The Inner Critic was unfazed by my hostility. It had a job to do and it was going to get that job done regardless of the feeling I had towards it.

It always owned me. Until one day I asked “why?”.

After a particularly brutal assault, I engaged in an unexpected conversation with the me which continued to work against me. Frustrated, I asked for some answers. Why was I being so hard Continue reading “Your Self Hatred Would Like To Have A Word With You” →

Are You Waiting To Be Chosen?

“If you’re surrendering your uniqueness for acceptance, you are only existing and not living.” – Erwin McManus

It’s a scorching hot day in Ocho Rios, Jamaica. July, 1990. The two captains were evaluating their options as they picked their teams for an impromptu game of beach volleyball. Each made their picks, and with the very last pick I was all one of the captains had left to choose from.

At my height I was quite surprised that neither captain saw the value I could bring to their team. I mean, height and volleyball usually work quite well together. I expected to be selected much sooner in the process, and with each pick that was made that wasn’t me the more annoyed and aggravated I became.

Unmet expectations often do that, don’t they? I mean, hell, I knew what I could bring to either team and when others didn’t have the same expectations for me I had for myself it really started to infuriate me. It was just a random beach volleyball game in the Caribbean, a perfect time to just chill and have some fun, yet instead of being happy I became anything but.

Nobody wants to be picked last. We all want to be chosen, to be seen and heard and appreciated, not to feel like someone’s only option. Being chosen brings with it a level of Continue reading “Are You Waiting To Be Chosen?” →

When The Truth Won’t Leave You Alone

Sometimes I’m reminded that I shouldn’t quit my day job.

The ceiling looked great. It hadn’t been painted in many years and until I rolled on the fresh coat of paint I didn’t realize how dingy and dull the ceiling had become. Painting the ceiling was the final step of a weekend project which took far more weekends to complete than I expected. But it was done.

Until it wasn’t.

A previous “weekend project” involved replacing some of the rotting trim boards that were original to the house. Apparently while fixing the trim boards I had unknowingly dislodged a few shingles in the process. A brief but intense wind-driven rain passed through our area and, like water always does, the water found its way through those dislodged shingles and into the house staining my freshly painted living room ceiling.

As a handyman homeowner I’ve come to appreciated the persistent nature of water. If there is a way for water to get into a space it always seems to find a way to do so. Water is quite good at getting my attention.

And so is the Truth.

The Truth, as in the acceptance of the reality of certain situations I’ve gotten quite good at repressing.

Like water, the Truth is very persistent. Like water, it’s also quite good at getting my attention, often showing up in the forms of frustration and disappointment, of unwanted outcomes and unmet expectations, often prompting me to confront those repressed realities no matter how Continue reading “When The Truth Won’t Leave You Alone” →

The Perfect Place To Be Annoyed

There are days when even I don’t like being around me.

Today is one of those days.

It’s been a busy stretch of late. Personal and professional obligations have outpaced my capacity to properly fuel my ability to take care of them. Quality sleep and quality nutrition have been the collateral damage in my attempt to balance all that needs to be balanced.

I’m annoyed, easily agitated, a bit overwhelmed, and I don’t see any upcoming breaks in the schedule where I’ll be able to catch my breath.

I’m not good at being miserable.

But here I am, trying not to splatter my misery upon those around me.

For me, one of the best parts about being miserable is being able to step back and notice that I Continue reading “The Perfect Place To Be Annoyed” →

The Clarity Of Impermanence

I hadn’t seen Steve in quite a while. We grew up in the same neighborhood, a bunch of us kids enamored with hockey and The Three Stooges. We all knew him as Zig, a nickname my older brother had endowed upon him. I never asked why. Life eventually took all of us in different directions until the unexpected reunion of us neighborhood kids at Steve’s wake.

Losing a friend hits differently. I’ve lost both of my parents, and as painful as their passings were and at times continue to be, I’ve come to accept the inevitable progression of children eventually burying their parents. But there is no natural expected progression when losing someone your own age.

Seeing Steve for the last time brought back a plethora of happy memories of my childhood. I could see all of us again as we once were.

And now one of us was no longer here.

There was a sense of randomness about his passing. As if it could have been any one of us who was no longer here. It was in that randomness I felt the uncomfortable presence of Continue reading “The Clarity Of Impermanence” →

Know Yourself To Grow Yourself

All I heard was nothing.

Recently I discovered a rather interesting piece of music which contained absolutely zero music.

None.

It was composed by an American avant-garde composer John Cage, it’s initial performance in 1952. The title of this work is “4:33” as in 4 minutes and 33 seconds. Of silence. Of musicians seated and poised on stage simply silent and still for the next four and a half minutes.

The true music of this piece, according to Cage, is in the ambient noises found in the silence. Primarily noises from an uneasy audience not knowing what to do in the unconventional absence of sound.

An imaginative use of silence.

Silence can be uncomfortable, often labeled as awkward. And while silence has at times been both uncomfortable and awkward for me, silence has also been a transformative portal for my own inner growth and understanding.

Sitting in my own silence, I get to hear the not-so-ambient noises within me. I get to hear the Continue reading “Know Yourself To Grow Yourself” →

Peter Mis LivingHalfFull.com

Lessons From A Life Unfolding

Tag: mindfulness