The Epic Struggle Between Two Conflicting Versions Of Me

It was one of those tough conversations you knew you had to have.

They’re always tougher when you have to have them with yourself.

December is an important month for me. It’s a time of reflection and introspection. Of looking forward and backward at the same time. My best years are the intentional ones and to prepare myself to make the most of the next 12 months I commit a significant amount of time during the last month of the year setting my course forward.

Going through some notes from a year ago, I found a list of well-intended intentions set for this year which I never actually followed through on. Intentions are promises I make to myself, and this list represented a list of promises I failed to keep. Me letting me down.

My intention setting process involves a vetting sequence. Intentions start as wishes and grand ideas, and while they feel exciting in the moment, I’ve got quite good at challenging myself as to whether I would be willing to actually commit myself to them. Are these wishes and grand ideas something I can honestly see myself getting behind 100%? Or are they simply wishes and grand ideas which would be nice to have but I know I’d never do what it takes to make them happen?

After discovering my list, it looks like I need to refine my vetting process a bit more.

As I looked at my list of unrealized intentions I initially felt a habitual degree of anger towards myself. “I let myself down yet again, didn’t I?” “I thought I had grown past doing this to myself.” I quickly pivoted to Continue reading “The Epic Struggle Between Two Conflicting Versions Of Me” →

Your Past Doesn’t Have To Be Your Future

I’ve never been good at being dishonest to others.

But I can be pretty good at lying to myself.

Manipulating the truth when engaging with others would always make me cringe, a painful side effect of knowingly not honoring the truth. Yet that cringe could easily be suppressed when I’d engage myself in discussing how I was not honoring the truth of my own authentic self. Lying to yourself by not accepting your true self is quite traumatic. But if that’s all you’ve known, it doesn’t really feel like you’re being emotionally dishonest with yourself at all.

We instinctively know when we are living inconsistently with our authentic self. Life feels like a compromise, we know we are settling, we disregard our value system and boundaries, we’re forcing what we know isn’t for us, often ignoring the clearly visible red flags and warning signs in hopes of making something work that really was never designed to work. It’s a painful process to witness or experience.

Somewhere along our life’s journey we felt our authentic self wasn’t good enough. Childhood is often a place where the vision of who we are is contorted and molded into who we are told to be. Parental expectations, peer pressure, conditional love, and a fear of being alone are powerful forces that can dim Continue reading “Your Past Doesn’t Have To Be Your Future” →

Are You Waiting To Become You?

Commitment without the commitment.

The best of both worlds?

It’s early December and New Year’s Resolution season is just a few weeks away. For me, early December had always been a great time to reflect upon where I was in life and to set the resolutions for what I wanted to accomplish starting on January 1st.

It really was the best of both worlds. Or so that’s what I would tell myself. I made a commitment without the need to yet actually commit. For the next few weeks I could still be the person I was while feeling good about the future commitment I had made. Like, sure, I’m committed to getting myself in better shape, but until the first of the year I’m just going to keep doing the things which got me out of shape.

Sometimes logic isn’t so logical. But I never let that get in my way.

When I knew where I wanted to go, why was I content on waiting until the first of the year to actually start?

Often we know what we want to accomplish in life. We know who it is we want to grow into. Yet, for some reason many of our aspirations remain left undone, leaving us undone in the process. Change and Continue reading “Are You Waiting To Become You?” →

Do You Own Your Own Potential?

Maybe I shouldn’t swear as much as I do. But if you’ve ever stepped on an acorn while barefoot, a few colorful curse words makes for a logical form of self-expression.

Fall in New England is a magical metaphorical time. It’s a season of letting go, of change, and of preparation. For me it’s also a time of reflection and contemplation as we head into the silence of the coming winter. Regardless of the season, I still need to eat, and as I made my way to my grill I was reminded just how painful stepping on an acorn while barefoot actually is.

As the oaks begin shedding their leaves they also drop their acorns, and with the oak tree’s close proximity to my house the back deck is constantly littered with their presence. Acorns are an oak tree’s way of perpetuating their species. While the ones on my deck will never take root, other acorns the tree has dropped may find the proper nurturing environment to turn an acorn into an oak tree. A fascinating process of Nature ensuring it’s own survival.

Acorns are little packets of potential. The seeds of what they were created to become reside inside each of them. But no matter the potential residing within them, their growth and full expression require cultivation in an environment conducive to growth and full expression. They’ll never become anything just resting on the patio.

Us humans are quite similar to acorns, aren’t we? We, too, are all little packets of potential with the seeds of what we were created to become resting within each of us. We, too, will require a nurturing environment conducive to supporting our own growth and full expression.

Unlike acorns whose growth is contingent primarily upon external conditions, the most important Continue reading “Do You Own Your Own Potential?” →

Growth Isn’t Supposed To Be Pretty

There she was, all covered in mud.

It was beautiful.

On a recent run through the neighborhood I saw her parked in her driveway. She being a red Jeep Rubicon fully encrusted with several coats of dried dirt. I smiled just thinking about the fun had during the process of covering this beast with mud.

Jeeps were made to be driven, and this one was doing what it was created to do.

I want to be more like that Jeep.

For a good portion of my life I was anything but a Jeep. I was more like a rental car. I was simply going where I had to go, always living defensively, always worried about life’s scratches and dents. I just wanted to someday return my life in the same condition as it was given to me.

Playing small and living defensively isn’t what any of us were created to do.

The road to living the life we were created to live isn’t always straight, it isn’t always paved, and at times is poorly marked. It is full of ups and downs, starts and stops, unexpected breakdowns and Continue reading “Growth Isn’t Supposed To Be Pretty” →

The Art Of Overcoming The Discomfort Of Growth

I think it was Kaylee’s first day working the register. The long line certainly didn’t ease any of her nervousness as she cautiously entered each item into the POS terminal.

Everyone in line demonstrated an admirable level of patience as she worked under the guidance of the store manager standing by her side. Even I demonstrated my own admirable level of patience as I awaited Kaylee to ring up the two large iced teas I held in my hands. Patience in these types of situations wasn’t something I was known for. Age brings with it a new level of awareness and maturity and I was able to give Kaylee the space she deserved to be new at something.

Hey, at some point in our lives we’ve all been new at something, right?

But did we always give ourselves a safe space for us to be new at something? To allow ourselves to be imperfect in the process?

Sometimes New comes with the expectation that I will seamlessly grasp that something New rather quickly. That my learning curve will not be a curve at all. That I am somehow exempt from the process Continue reading “The Art Of Overcoming The Discomfort Of Growth” →

Sometimes Commitment Hurts

Meloxican.

15 milligrams once per day.

“That’s should help with the inflammation.”

I’d never taken Meloxicam before. But I’d never been in such pain. A perhaps-overly-ambitious 10k run through the streets of my hometown eventually lead to a doctor’s visit. The tightness on the inside of my right knee kept getting tighter, especially when I finally finished my run. Walking had become an unexpected casualty as I hobbled my way back to the car.

Ouch.

I’ve run this particular course several times, although it had been a little while since I’ve done so. I wasn’t as prepared as I had hope to be, but I did commit to running this run and I decided to honor that commitment.

Sometimes commitments hurt.

I’ve got a good relationship with commitments these days. Especially with the commitments I make to myself. Those were the types of commitments I had a hard time keeping. One of the most significant growth milestones I’ve achieved upon my meandering life’s journey was embracing those promises I would make to myself. I was no longer willing to let myself down. I deserved better from me for me.

Commitments are a vital component of growth. Without it there is no growth.

Sometimes commitments do hurt. Growth often comes with a price, and often that price is pain. With my run, the pain was decidedly physical. But growth can come with emotional pain as well. Some may not understand the process you’re willing to put yourself through in order to achieve a goal Continue reading “Sometimes Commitment Hurts” →

We Don’t Have To Settle For What We’ve Always Settled For

You can always tell if it’s one of his photos.

My friend Peter Pereira is a photographer. Actually, he is a highly regarded and respected award-winning photojournalist who can tell an entire story within the frame of a single image. Peter’s work appears locally as well as globally in some of the world’s most recognizable media. I’m getting quite good at looking at a photograph and knowing that he was the photographer without needing to read the photo credit.

One of Peter’s greatest gifts is his gift of perspective. While many photographers will shoot at what is right in front of them, Peter will find his own unique vantage point. He positions himself outside of what would be considered the conventional. Above looking down. Below looking up. To the left side. To the right side. He will use components and lines within an image to frame his subject and direct the viewer’s eyes deeper into the photo. By positioning himself in unconventional positions, his work demonstrates the true power of perspective, of being open to seeing things from a different view point.

Perspectives are of great significance. Perspectives are how we choose to see the world, each other, and our own self.

How we choose to see our own self significantly influences everything about our life. Our experiences, our relationships, our expectations, our opportunities.

Everything.

Our sense of self is rarely intentional. It usually just happens as we evolve and grow through life. It will be shaped by our environment and those within it, reinforced and strengthened as experiences and relationships continuously repeat themselves. It’s not something we notice, so it’s not something we tend to question.

But there is great power in questioning who it is you tell yourself you think you are.

We have the ability to see ourself from a different vantage point. To reframe our self image. If we choose to do so. Maybe the Continue reading “We Don’t Have To Settle For What We’ve Always Settled For” →

This Is Your Season To Bloom

The sound of leaf blowers and lawn mowers never makes for a good alarm clock. Usually I’m up before the sun, but sometimes my body tells me it needs to sleep and on the rare occasion when my schedule allows I’m more than happy to oblige. This was one of those days.

Spring certainly is in the air here in Massachusetts. Lawns and gardens once again become the priority of many. Rakes and shovels groom and till, spreaders spread seed and feed, wheel barrows of fresh mulch cover the colorless flower beds. Rejuvenation is in full swing.

What if we treated ourselves the same way?

A beautiful yard and garden doesn’t happen by accident. Time, money, and intention are poured into creating and maintaining the desired landscaping outcome. But how much time, money, and intention do we pour into creating and maintaining the desired outcomes of our lives?

A beautiful life doesn’t happen by accident. Like a beautiful yard it requires awareness, intention, and attention. Left unchecked, weeds grow in gardens and often within us, and if we don’t tend to those weeds the weeds eventually take over, draining the gardens – and us – of much of our inherent beauty.

While you’re raking and mulching and tending to the external world around you this spring, how much time and intention are you giving to the beautiful garden which rests dormant within you?

Weed yourself of those thoughts and habits which no longer serve you. Feed yourself with love and compassion, patience and Continue reading “This Is Your Season To Bloom” →

A Fully Lived Life Is Much Better

I’m not sure how much I’ve spent on books. I’ve got lots of them. Bookcases full of them. Many inspiring and informative books filled with great insights and ideas. Many of those books I’ve started and, well, not quite finished. Usually because I found yet another book which caught my distracted eye.

Audiobooks and podcasts? Yup, I enjoy plenty of those as well.

Sometimes I feel like a collector of wisdom, a curator of knowledge, especially in the area of personal growth. Like I’m creating a library of incredible knowledge with the power to change the trajectory of my life.

If I actually did more than simply collect and consume information.

Collecting knowledge feels like you’re doing something. Like, you’re making progress, getting yourself prepared to someday Continue reading “A Fully Lived Life Is Much Better” →

Peter Mis LivingHalfFull.com

Lessons From A Life Unfolding

Tag: growth