Category: mindset

The Willingness To Ask

The Willingness To Ask

Spending $72.00 on M&M’s was much easier than I thought it would be.

I’m in New York City with the family, Times Square. And in Times Square is a huge retail store dedicated to just one thing. 

M&M’s.

On three floor with over 25,000 square feet of space, for me the highlight of visiting is always the Wall Of Chocolate, a 50 foot wide 2-stories tall collection of 74 tubes filled with every M&M imaginable. Grab a plastic bag, place it under the tube, open the chute, and the color of your choice drops into your bag. Then off to the next color. And then the next color.

The fun adds up.

And at $17.00 per pound, so does the cost.

Standing in the checkout line I had no idea how much I had spent, but from the weight of the bag I knew it would be steep. It was a fun experience, the kids were quite happy, and it’s hard to assign a dollar value to that.

The cashier was quite engaging, and we had a nice conversation while she weighed and scanned each of the bags we’d filled. “$71.85 is your total.” As I handed my card over for payment, I jokingly suggested I should have asked for a “friends and family” discount based upon the jovial nature of our conversation. Apparently she thought that was a good idea, and to my surprise, I was given 30% off my total.

I really wasn’t expecting a discount. But in asking, even jokingly, I did receive one.

If you don’t ask the answer is always no.

Asking can be rather uncomfortable at times. Especially when we are asking ourselves some uncomfortable questions. About our life. About what we want for our life. About where we are in life in relation to what we want in our life.

Often it’s just easier to take what’s in front of us and to take what life has given us and be on our way. Avoiding any introspective questions means we don’t need to deal with their potential discomfort. In time, though, such avoidance creates its own inevitable discomfort as you eventually acknowledge the gap between where you are and where you want to be.

Much of our willingness to accept less than we want for ourselves is an underlying mindset that we may believe we are somehow unworthy of receiving all that is ours to receive. And if we don’t feel we are worthy of it, we certainly won’t be asking for it. In accepting this premise, we will perpetuate our existing life experience creating additional evidence we will use to support this premise of unworthiness. Continue reading “The Willingness To Ask” →

The Only Flaw Is Thinking That You’re Flawed

The Only Flaw Is Thinking That You’re Flawed

It was one of those oversized envelopes stuffed in the mail box. It looked pretty important, unlike most of the things I find stuffed in my mail box.

The manufacturer of my car was notifying me of a recall, something to do with some part of the fuel pump which needed to be replaced. When I called to schedule the service appointment, I was assured this was no big deal. Anthony explained there was some sort of design flaw impacting the original fuel pumps but the new ones are ready to install.

Flaws. In automobiles they’ve figured out how to correct them when the performance of the vehicle isn’t meeting certain standards. In humans, though, flaws are a bit of a different story.

It’s all about the story. 

The story we tell ourselves about ourselves.

At some point in our lives we start to accept certain things about ourselves. And we’re quite good of identifying and accepting the not so good stuff we tell ourselves about ourselves. Flaws, we call them. 

There is a certain peace in accepting your flaws. You’re no longer fighting against yourself. Your acceptance of these limitations and shortcomings act as some sort of loving and Continue reading “The Only Flaw Is Thinking That You’re Flawed” →

Are You Worth The Effort?

Are You Worth The Effort?

Perhaps this is a question you’ve never asked of yourself.

Our ability to grow and evolve is a choice we get to make for ourselves. Odds are there are already blueprints for the steps we’ll need to take to grow and evolve into whatever it is we decide we want to grow and evolve into. With an endless amount of information surrounding us, what is needed is a willingness to actually take action.

That’s where we can get stuck.

I’ve enthusiastically stood on the threshold of growth many times, both personally and professionally. I’ve had the opportunity, the ability, and I knew what needed to be done. Yet, quite often, I never did.

Looking back on several of those moments in my life, I’ve found a common theme for my inaction. It wasn’t laziness. It wasn’t ignorance. 

It was a matter of worthiness.

There’s a story we always tell ourselves about ourselves. It’s a story of who it is we believe ourselves to be and what we believe is possible for us in our lives. For me, the greatest killer of Continue reading “Are You Worth The Effort?” →

Life, Unleashed

Life, Unleashed

There are two dogs living in my head. 

There’s the old one. The one who has quite the collection of scars and bruises which one can only get by living. The emotional beatings have forged a mindset some would choose to call wisdom, if they had the wisdom to do so. Such life lessons, though, often leave a myopic view of what is truly possible moving forward.

And then there’s the puppy, alive with curiosity and endless energy, obliviously moving forward, not yet jaded by life’s often cruel way of teaching the things it feels the need to teach. The puppy’s childlike mindset is one of fearless possibilities, of discovery and expansion.

These are the two dogs living in my head. 

At various times in my life I’ve been both of these animals. At times silently jaded and hopelessly resigned to what is. At times highly energized and fully alive, ready to chase any stick the Continue reading “Life, Unleashed” →

Changing Everything Ends Up Changing Nothing

Changing Everything Ends Up Changing Nothing

I just couldn’t wait for the ball to drop. Because in that moment I would be reborn anew, ready to live the best year I would ever live.

New Year’s Day. It’s January 1st and I’ve been gifted 365 pristine days to evolve into the highest, most elevated version of myself. A new year. A new me.

And this time I mean it. 

The vision of what I’ll grow into just one year from now is rather exciting. Those personal and professional goals all accomplished just as they were planned. New habits, new belief systems, new energy collectively elevating me into this unstoppable force, an epic transformation and a life redefined. 

Sometimes, though, trying to change everything ends up changing nothing.

And nothing usually did.

Failure and frustration have taught me that heading into a new year one of the first things I need Continue reading “Changing Everything Ends Up Changing Nothing” →

Maybe Your Non-Negotiables Actually Are?

Maybe Your Non-Negotiables Actually Are?

“Watch out for the bridge…if you hit it wrong you’ll go flying over the handlebars.”

I came to trust Tom very quickly. We were riding side by side on a rather poorly marked trail through the woods and gravel fire roads of a local nature preserve, a 10 mile mountain bike trek to benefit a local charity. The bridge could have been a disaster, but I crossed over with ease.

Tom knew these woods. “I’ve been riding these trails for years”, Tom said, as often as three times a week. As this was my first time riding through the wilderness, I felt rather fortunate to find a guide to help me navigate my way to the finish line.

At a less intense moment on the course Tom mentioned recently celebrating his 76th birthday. I was silently stunned by his revelation. Seventy f’n six? His relentless energy and stamina were Continue reading “Maybe Your Non-Negotiables Actually Are?” →

The Benefits Of Showing Up Anyway

The Benefits Of Showing Up Anyway

I didn’t expect the results to be good.

And they weren’t.

Standing in a cold wind-driven rain, I, along with several hundred others runners were lined up awaiting the starting gun to fire. The five mile course would meander through the Seaport district and along the frigid waterfront of South Boston. While I was ready for the start I knew I wasn’t ready to run.

But that’s what I was there to do.

The reasons for me not being as ready as I had wanted to be were strictly my own. “Other priorities” would be a convenient reframing of the excuses associated with my lack of being fully Continue reading “The Benefits Of Showing Up Anyway” →

A Birthday Gift Of Defiance

A Birthday Gift Of Defiance

On the eve of my next birthday I sit recovering from this morning’s 5k benefit run. Age has a way of reminding you how old you are, especially when you take the steps to hopefully slow it down.

Age will ultimately win. Inevitably it always does. We can let that be a reason to simply let nature take its course and passively succumb to the process.

Or, we can defiantly choose to keep showing up, keep moving forward, respecting our age while Continue reading “A Birthday Gift Of Defiance” →

Watering The Trees That Were Never Planted

Watering The Trees That Were Never Planted

“The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago…”

Afternoon walks have become a welcome break in my work day. It’s a time to simply disconnect from the demands and pressures of the day and reconnect with me. If only for a little while.

On what has become my preferred route, I pass by a stately old home, subtly accentuated with the charming architectural design elements you’d expect to see in a home of this stature. The trees on this property stand equally majestic, beautifully asymmetrical and strong.

It was on a recent walk when I noticed one of the branches on the largest tree in the yard. With the branch running almost parallel to the ground my initial thought was how perfect that branch would have been for a tree swing.

Growing up we had such a swing in our yard, a simple wooden board for the seat supported by two long ropes wrapped around a supportive branch above. Hours were spent on that swing. It was an iconic symbol of my childhood and my intention was to someday re-create the same Continue reading “Watering The Trees That Were Never Planted” →