Life Will Never Let You Outrun Yourself

It had been quite some time since my last road trip here. A four hour drive west to visit some lifelong friends, a visit long delayed and long overdue.

On many a previous trip the younger me would often wonder what my life would look and feel like if I were to pack everything up and physically relocated to this area. A beautiful part of the world, a beautiful place to start anew.

The only problem?

I’d be taking me with me.

The same me I’d been trying to run away from.

My unending search for whatever I felt was missing in my life always lead me to search in places I would never actually find it. Especially since I wasn’t even sure what it was I was hoping to find. Running away from What Is can take many different forms, not just physically moving into a new ZIP code. Distractions in the form of alcohol, stimulants, avoidance, denial, big ideas, and even blame all seem valid in the moment yet never address the root causes as to why a search to find what was missing even existed in the first place.

As I spent some time this weekend solo hiking in this place I would often ponder running away to, I reflected upon how much had changed since my last visit. Of how much had changed within me. Of how I learned to no longer embrace distraction as a means of seeking my peace. The futility of always running had eventually given way to the wisdom of standing still and staying with the uncomfortable moments and situations to try and understand the triggers of flight they so often contained.

Exactly what is it that I was running from?

Standing in a moment and seeking to identify your root cause for wanting to run can be quite liberating. It’s also a painfully difficult conversation to have with yourself, especially if you’ve never allowed yourself the space for compassionate self-reflection. Only when I felt I no longer had the capacity to run away did I willingly create the space for a much needed conversation with me about me.

No matter how much you try life will never let you outrun yourself. What causes you to run is where the lesson is, a lesson which will repeat itself infinitely until the lesson is learned.

New beginnings don’t resolve old issues. It’s in resolving those old issues that new beginnings are given the space to be truly born.

What are you running from?

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash