The Wind Beneath Your Own Wings

The Wind Beneath Your Own Wings

Who knew it was a butterfly moment.

An elementary school teacher friend of mine recently sent me a screen shot of a nine year old Facebook post. The unnamed subject in the post was one of my kids involved in some humorous banter about the naming of some beetles in a classroom project. A conversation unexpected from a kid of that age, but a conversation I was happy the kid felt comfortable to be a part of.

Teachers have a way of creating safe spaces for kids to participate, to feel seen, valued, and accepted. In that safe space, a child is free to shine a light only they can shine. And when they start to shine, they’re empowered to shine even brighter, fueled by the momentum of an ever-growing level of confidence.

The Butterfly Effect on full display.

As adults, finding our own safe spaces to shine becomes a bit of a challenge. Many family and organizational structures usually don’t make room for such spaces. Because, hey, we’re adults which implies there’s simply no need for the safe spaces we needed as children. 

We never outgrow a need for a safe space to shine.

The outside world is usually too busy to even notice us, let alone create a space where our most authentic self feels free to shine. Short of going back to third grade, the most reliable safe space is the one we create for ourselves.

It can feel quite daunting when you need to be the wind beneath your own wings, to create a safe space for you to shine when you’ve been conditioned to believe you’re the only reason why you’ve yet to fully do so. 

The butterfly imprisoned by the the weight of its own wings.

But those are the only wings that will set you free.

We need not wait for others to create a safe space for us to shine. We don’t need their permission to express our authentic energy and light. We need our own permission to do so. To start, to flutter, to allow ourselves to move forward at our own pace and shine in the way only we can shine. The more we are willing to move the more confident we will become in our movement. 

The more wind beneath our wings.

It took me the better part of a lifetime to allow myself to become a safe space for me to unfold more fully into me. To allow myself to trust me with me. To allow myself to be me, embraced with patience, kindness, and unconditional love.

Some lessons certainly take their time being learned.

Your safe space to shine is yours if you want it. 

You just need to be willing to start.

Re-learning How To Love Yourself

Re-learning How To Love Yourself

The white van wrapped around a tree just off the highway was a stark reminder.

Mid-week we were greeted by our first significant snow storm of the season. The timing of the storm kept many off the roads, but those of us who decided to head into the office were met with some significant commuting challenges. Just ask the driver of the white van.

Snow still brings out the kid in me. But with the first major snowfall of the year, the kid in me took a back seat to the adult driver in me as I navigated the yet unplowed interstate.

Driving in snow demands a fully present version of me, especially when it’s been quite some time since the last time I needed to. The infrequency of driving in these elements requires me to essentially re-learn how to actually do so. With my hyper attentiveness I notice everything. I notice the distance between the car in front of me and the one behind me. I notice any visible lane markings. I notice the level of traction the tires have with the road. I notice the responsiveness of the steering. I notice my mind planning for unforeseen contingencies.

I notice everything.

Most of the time driving is simply instinctive. We get in the car and obliviously go, often ending up at our destination seemingly unconsciously, distracted by music, podcasts, and phone calls along the way. Driving in less than ideal conditions is far more intentional and deliberate, with our awareness keeping us fully present in the process. It’s a process I need to re-learn every winter with every first snow.

Life can often feel instinctive. We get up each day and just obliviously go, going through our days seemingly unconsciously, distracted by the same things which distracted us yesterday and the day before. Sometimes life creates some less than ideal conditions for us to experience, internally or externally, and our unconscious almost automatic life now requires our full attention. Life becomes far more intentional and deliberate, we become more fully present in the process.

If we choose to.

Living a more intentional and deliberate life is a decision we get to make. In any moment. We need not wait for life’s storms of illness, heartbreak, and disillusion to push us to our breaking point in order to do Continue reading “Re-learning How To Love Yourself”

Your Children Are Watching

Your Children Are Watching

It’s my greatest joy. Being their dad. It’s less common these days to have them all together in the same place, but Father’s Day and here we all are together.

Yes, my greatest joy.

But also my greatest responsibility.

As their Dad, I am their example. While I hope they listen to what I say, what I do is always more important than what I say. And I know they are watching.

They’re always watching.

How I choose to show up in my life will impact how they show up in their own. Will they see me taking responsibility for my life? Will they see how I honor the commitments I make to others and the commitments I make to myself, how I speak to others and how I speak to myself? How I handle failure and adversity, how I rise to overcome, how I live with intention, how I respect myself, how I am willing to Continue reading “Your Children Are Watching”

Today Is A Great Day To Forgive Yourself

Today Is A Great Day To Forgive Yourself

That stuff we carry around. And we’re all carrying stuff around. Even though we don’t have to. Yet, we do. Because we always have. It becomes a part of the story we tell ourselves.

It’s not a great story.

It starts with regret. What we did do, or, more often, what we didn’t do.

And while the regret hurts, what really hurts is how we treat ourself because of it.

We could have made a different choice and we will ruthlessly never allow ourselves to forget it. We can be quite cruel towards others, but don’t we tend to save the cruelest stuff for ourself?

I’ve had my share of regrets. I could probably teach a weekend workshop on the subject, including how to never let yourself get over it, how to mercilessly never let yourself off the hook no matter how many years ago it may have been.

Forgiveness of others is often easier than forgiveness of self.

Forgiveness of self requires two people. The person you are now and the person you were then. The person I am now can see that the person I was then did the best that he could at that time. The person I am now, a bit older and a bit wiser, is able to look back with a compassionate understanding and acceptance of the person I was then.

The person that I am today would be better served if I stopped beating down the person I used to be.

Forgiveness of self is perhaps the greatest example of unconditional love.

We all deserve to be loved unconditionally.

Especially from ourself.

Photo by Matthew Henry on Unsplash

The True Gift Of Gratitude

The True Gift Of Gratitude

As a kid, one of the best parts of my birthday was receiving birthday cards from my uncles and grandparents. Especially those cards designed specifically to hold cash. In all honesty, it was never about the card; I was really only excited about what was in the card.

It wasn’t a lot of money, but it was money. Just because I was born!

The rule back then was quite simple. You picked up the phone and called to thank the elders who sent the cash your way. Failure to acknowledge their generosity was a sure-fired way to get on the Ungrateful List. Kids on the Ungrateful List usually never saw those cards designed specifically to hold cash ever again.

I was happy to receive the cash, and always made the thank you calls. But my gratitude was laced with self-serving elements. I wanted to ensure Continue reading “The True Gift Of Gratitude”

Becoming Your Own Mother

Becoming Your Own Mother

When I think of motherhood, the one word which comes to mind is love. Actually, I need two words…

Unconditional love.

I’ve felt it as a son, and I see it in my wife’s eyes as we raise our three daughters.

Unconditional love isn’t always pretty. It is often loud, sometimes quite contentious. Sometimes it doesn’t even feel like love at all.

But underneath the drama and the slamming doors, the love of a mother is always there.

Continue reading “Becoming Your Own Mother”