Releasing The Grasp Of Perfection

It’s the invisible burden. Perfection. The need to live up to elevated standards set for us by others, and, at times, set by ourselves for ourselves. And even those standards which we set for ourselves are usually measured against some sort of societal yardstick of how we are “supposed” to be living our lives.

I’m sure we’ve all been caught up in the perfection vortex at some point in our lives. Where no matter what we do it’s never good enough. No matter how hard we try it’s still never enough. No matter how much we earn, how fit we are, what we drive, or what we’ve professionally achieved we can find ourselves consistently falling short of the utopian panacea of perfection.

There is a heaviness which comes from not being where we’ve been told we should be. That weight allows no room for self-compassion or grace. Because there is still more work to do.

There will always be more work to do.

Instead of being where I’m supposed to be, I’ve gotten much better at being where I am. Instead of being who I’m supposed to be, I’ve gotten much better at being who I am.

It’s a different kind of perfection, allowing and accepting is. When you’re not beating yourself Continue reading “Releasing The Grasp Of Perfection” →

An Unscheduled Detour On The Long Road To Nowhere

It’s an unusual feeling, running ahead of schedule. But there I was driving into work when that little voice spoke up.

“Back roads?”

The seed was planted and on this particular morning, and with a bit of a grin, I took the next exit off the interstate and decided to take the long way into the office. For the next 45 minutes I’d meander somewhat aimlessly through the old country roads in total silence.

Because, why not?

From a quantifiable productivity level, heading into work would have been far more beneficial. More time to get more stuff done. On most days I’d opt for the increased productivity. But some days there is an unquantifiable productivity of meandering intentionally on the road headed to no particular destination.

I’ve know these back roads my entire life. They’ve seen all sorts of different versions of me. The angry me, the frustrated me, the uncertain me, and even a peaceful me from time to time. These Continue reading “An Unscheduled Detour On The Long Road To Nowhere” →

The People You Meet Along The Way

They’re waiting for you.

Whether the road is well worn or it’s the road less traveled you’ll find them. Your perpetuators and your enablers. If that road is the road of your personal growth and evolution, magnetically you will encounter those willing to support you through your process. And if that road is the road of your own inner destruction, the magnet will make sure your inner demons don’t destroy you alone.

My life has been one of many paths, some far more enjoyable than others. There have been mountains of growth and valleys of self-destruction. On those paths I’ve chosen – intentionally and unintentionally – I’d experience more of what I expected to experience, even if I may not have wanted to experience more of it at all.

People included.

Regardless of my intended or unintended destination, there have always been people willing to either keep me stuck or to lift me higher. Like some sort of tribal magnetism. When I’ve been ready to grow the growth tribe would be found. When I was tethered to a mindset of limitation and lack, there were plenty of like-minded individuals available to share my misery with.

Perpetuators and enablers.

I was recently sent an unattributed quote about the impact of the people we surround ourselves with and how that immediate circle will influence and shape who we will become. Paraphrasing, when you hang around with five intelligent people you will become the sixth. Hang around with Continue reading “The People You Meet Along The Way” →

Accepting The Gift Of Grace

After a bit of intense deliberation, the decision was made.

The choice was Chips Ahoy!

The vending machine sucked in my two dollars, I excitedly pressed the corresponding button, the spiral coils started turning moving my cookies closer to the edge and then the unthinkable happened. My cookies got stuck. The package must have gotten hung up on something and they never dropped down to the bottom of the machine. A few gentle nudges and a couple of slaps on the glass front proved fruitless. My money was gone, my cookies were stuck, and there wasn’t anything I could do about it.

In the grand scheme of things, this probably shouldn’t have been a big issue.

But on this day it was.

And that’s OK.

I’m much better at noticing how I respond to life’s unexpected challenges. How I respond when I’m disappointed, when my expectations aren’t met. I tend not to judge my responses nor judge myself for having the responses I have. I simply notice.

There is power in noticing.

At times there is anger, resentment, and frustration. At times there is peace, understanding, and acceptance.

Noticing serves as an emotional barometer of sorts, a gauge where I safely check in with me especially when my responses to adversity are negatively impacting my energy. You can’t not feel the tension of anger, resentment, and frustration.

The younger version of me would often perpetuate any perceived negative reactions by attacking myself for actually having them. A foundational part of my growth process has been Continue reading “Accepting The Gift Of Grace” →

The Unexpected Peace Of Acceptance

Who knew such lessons could be contained in an eight foot section of rope?

A few years back I was humbled by a jump rope. One of the exercises in this particular fitness class I had signed up for involved jumping rope, something I’d not done in decades. But, how hard could it be? After all, it’s jumping rope, like riding a bicycle. You just pick up where you left off, right?

As I awkwardly spun the rope over my head, for the life of me I just couldn’t time my jumps correctly as the rope swung towards my feet. No grace. No elegance. No coordination. Recognizing my growing frustration, I kept trying and eventually I got into a bit of a rhythm until I hit the wall aerobically, surprisingly quickly fatigued by the cumulative challenge of jumping rope.

Maybe I wasn’t in as good of shape as I thought I was. I’d been consistently active at the gym, running consistently three times a week, yet a simple jump rope showed me I really wasn’t where I thought I was fitness wise.

Most of my significant moments of growth have grown out of moments when life humbled me. Some of those moments were unwelcome but showed up anyway. In other moments I voluntarily engaged with the realization and acceptance of certain situations, people, and circumstances and was willing to meet them where they were.

Including the jump rope.

Including myself.

Fighting with my perceptions of reality can often feel justified, even cathartic. And while the fighting might feel good, the fighting keeps you stuck and distracts you from taking the next steps in response to embracing the truth about those certain situations, people, and circumstances which, like that jump rope, can show you exactly where you are in relation to them.

If you’re open and willing to do so.

The jump rope showed me something I didn’t see in me. I could have discredited or denied the uncomfortable findings, or I could have accepted what was and decided to growth through it instead. Which is what I chose to do. I’ve gotten much better at casting aside my ego and habitual blame and allowing myself to be humbled by the truths in front of me. Knowing and accepting What Is provides the perfect foundation to build What Could Be if building a different experience is what you want to create for you. And in some areas of my life that’s exactly what I am intentionally doing.

Acceptance isn’t surrender. Acceptance isn’t passive. Acceptance isn’t even being OK with how portions of life actually are. It’s about allowing life to be exactly as it is right now and moving forward – or not – from a position of understanding where you are right now.

There is an unexpected peace and freedom which comes from accepting life as it is, without judging, without resisting, without wishing it was any different even if you’re tempted to wish that it was. For me that has been a long, non-linear, painful process.

But I’m getting better at it.

Just like jumping rope.

Photo by Ashley Inguanta on Unsplash

The Joy Of Self-Inflicted Discomfort

I’d forgotten about the video.

I’m not sure if she was aware of the Ice Bucket Challenge back in the summer of 2014, but there she was with a purple plastic bucket of cold water in her hands and on the count of three she dumped it over her head.

“How did it feel?” asked her amused Dad.

“Good!” she excitedly replied as she ran off to go play with her friends.

Six year olds live life on a different level, don’t they? A precious age when we’re open to possibility and wonder and not yet worried about how we look while doing so.

Making ourselves intentionally uncomfortable goes against the grain of what we tend to strive for in life. So much of the lives we work to create is geared towards make life more convenient, more comfortable.

Sometimes life throws a bucket of cold water on the life we are building, the unexpected frigidity upending the comfort we have long sought and worked for.

But how often are we willing to intentionally throw a bucket of cold water on the parts of our lives Continue reading “The Joy Of Self-Inflicted Discomfort” →

When You Know Where You’re Going It’s A Lot Easier To Get There

If only the Universe was always this clear.

The long meandering road by the beach ends with a stop sign. The intersection presents only two options. A left turn or a right one. Glancing up at the sign, I see that the names of the roads converging at this point are unusually descriptive. The road to the left is Purgatory Road. The road to the right is Paradise Avenue.

Purgatory or Paradise.

Which would you choose?

At first I found the sign a bit humorous, but on the drive home I started thing about some of the intersections I’ve come to in my own life. The choices I’ve had to make were not as clearly marked, there was never a sign to tell me where my choices would lead me.

With no real signs to guide me, at times I’d simply remain at the stop signs for as long as I could. When unsure of which decision to make, sometimes making no decision was the comfortable decision. And if I had to make a decision, the safe one was usually the familiar one, even if I knew such a decision wasn’t in my best interest. My greatest moments of growth have been when I Continue reading “When You Know Where You’re Going It’s A Lot Easier To Get There” →

You Don’t Owe Yourself An Apology For Being You

Sometimes he shows up unexpectedly. Usually in the form of an unwelcome reference in an unwelcome conversation.

I had to live with him for years. He clung to me always, virtually inseparable. It wasn’t a particularly good relationship, either. Contentious, at times even emotionally abusive. I often didn’t live up to his expectations and I’d be relentlessly reminded each time I failed to do so.

But now he’s dead.

And I don’t miss him.

They never published an obituary in the newspaper for the person I used to be. The tormentor, the self-abuser, the one who did all he could to keep me exactly where I didn’t want to be.

It was a long, often painful passing, a slow transition from one life of familiar limitation and lack Continue reading “You Don’t Owe Yourself An Apology For Being You” →

Your Self Hatred Would Like To Have A Word With You

It’s the one relative we all hate.

The one who always shows up during life’s more challenging moments. The one who is always there to remind you of all the things you don’t like about yourself. The one who will remind you that it didn’t work out because it’s never supposed to work out for you.

We never actually see this relative. But we know the far too familiar voice living rent free in our heads.

The Inner Critic.

I’d have to say of the vast majority of those closest to me, none are as consistently there for me like my Inner Critic. In my moments of doubt and uncertainty, the Inner Critic is always right there to flawlessly reinforce any of the negativity I may be experiencing. It’s a loyalty unlike any other.

For years I’d work to minimize my Inner Critic, angrily trying to suppress that relentless voice. The Inner Critic was unfazed by my hostility. It had a job to do and it was going to get that job done regardless of the feeling I had towards it.

It always owned me. Until one day I asked “why?”.

After a particularly brutal assault, I engaged in an unexpected conversation with the me which continued to work against me. Frustrated, I asked for some answers. Why was I being so hard Continue reading “Your Self Hatred Would Like To Have A Word With You” →

Are You Waiting To Be Chosen?

“If you’re surrendering your uniqueness for acceptance, you are only existing and not living.” – Erwin McManus

It’s a scorching hot day in Ocho Rios, Jamaica. July, 1990. The two captains were evaluating their options as they picked their teams for an impromptu game of beach volleyball. Each made their picks, and with the very last pick I was all one of the captains had left to choose from.

At my height I was quite surprised that neither captain saw the value I could bring to their team. I mean, height and volleyball usually work quite well together. I expected to be selected much sooner in the process, and with each pick that was made that wasn’t me the more annoyed and aggravated I became.

Unmet expectations often do that, don’t they? I mean, hell, I knew what I could bring to either team and when others didn’t have the same expectations for me I had for myself it really started to infuriate me. It was just a random beach volleyball game in the Caribbean, a perfect time to just chill and have some fun, yet instead of being happy I became anything but.

Nobody wants to be picked last. We all want to be chosen, to be seen and heard and appreciated, not to feel like someone’s only option. Being chosen brings with it a level of Continue reading “Are You Waiting To Be Chosen?” →

Peter Mis LivingHalfFull.com

Lessons From A Life Unfolding

Tag: mental health