The Epic Struggle Between Two Conflicting Versions Of Me

It was one of those tough conversations you knew you had to have.

They’re always tougher when you have to have them with yourself.

December is an important month for me. It’s a time of reflection and introspection. Of looking forward and backward at the same time. My best years are the intentional ones and to prepare myself to make the most of the next 12 months I commit a significant amount of time during the last month of the year setting my course forward.

Going through some notes from a year ago, I found a list of well-intended intentions set for this year which I never actually followed through on. Intentions are promises I make to myself, and this list represented a list of promises I failed to keep. Me letting me down.

My intention setting process involves a vetting sequence. Intentions start as wishes and grand ideas, and while they feel exciting in the moment, I’ve got quite good at challenging myself as to whether I would be willing to actually commit myself to them. Are these wishes and grand ideas something I can honestly see myself getting behind 100%? Or are they simply wishes and grand ideas which would be nice to have but I know I’d never do what it takes to make them happen?

After discovering my list, it looks like I need to refine my vetting process a bit more.

As I looked at my list of unrealized intentions I initially felt a habitual degree of anger towards myself. “I let myself down yet again, didn’t I?” “I thought I had grown past doing this to myself.” I quickly pivoted to Continue reading “The Epic Struggle Between Two Conflicting Versions Of Me” →

You Owe Yourself A Sunrise

Sometimes we’re so busy looking we simply don’t take time to see.

It’s Saturday morning and I find myself just before dawn standing alone at the edge of the reservoir. It’s extremely peaceful, the only break in the silence comes from the sound of water fowl off in the distance. The eastern sky is transitioning in color as the sun begins to slowly rise, and a spectacular show it was, the colors changing by the moment as the sun lifted higher in the sky.

I can’t remember the last time I treated myself to a sunrise, to intentionally set off in the darkness and position myself to witness such a spectacular gift of Nature. Sunrises had not been the priority that they once were for me. Life gets busy and before you know it many of the self care rituals I had established for myself slowly became less frequent.

The things that reconnect you with you are not trivial. The things that ground you and re-energize you Continue reading “You Owe Yourself A Sunrise” →

The 6 Universal Truths To Accept About Your Life

You’d think something as important as life would come with an instruction manual. Buy a new toaster and you’ll learn how to toast bread in several different languages. But life? It forces you to figure it out on your own. It’s a process, a meandering non-linear journey through mountains and valleys of joy and pain just to find a base level of understanding of this thing we call life. For those courageous enough to willingly search within, we often don’t fully understand what we’ve signed up for. But it’s a journey we know we simply need to embark upon. In the darkness we often find the light.

If I were to be tasked with creating an instruction manual for life, I’d include the following six foundational ideals I’ve learned the hard way. The hard way, forged in the fires of my own skepticism, doubt, denial, blame, resistance, and fear.

And finally, acceptance.

Perhaps my trials will save you some trials of your own.

YOU MATTER

At times life gets us to a point where we can question our own value. Our own worth. We can often feel unheard and unseen even by those closest to us, creating an emotionally dangerous space perpetuating the questioning of the significance of our existence.

In the ever-distracted world we all share, our focus is seldom placed upon reminding ourself of of our own significance. And how often are we reminded by others? But in this intentional universe, ever purposefully in its creation, the fact that you and I are here is evidence that we matter, even if we perhaps aren’t quite sure why. There are no spare parts in this intentional universe. It simply doesn’t work that way.

Yes, you matter.

YOU’RE NOT BROKEN AND YOU NEVER WERE

A lot has happened to you since the day you were born. Some of those things have greatly impacted your own sense of self. Of who you are. Of what you think is possible for you.

Humans, including some well-meaning humans, in their attempt to love you and keep you safe, often transplant their own fears and limitations and insecurities into the fertile grounds of a young children’s Continue reading “The 6 Universal Truths To Accept About Your Life” →

Life Lessons From A Convenience Store Breakfast Sandwich

I could tell she wanted me by the way she silently spoke to me. Or, maybe it was I doing the wanting? Her presence alone would often draw me in, the heat from the warming table intensifying as I extended my hand closer and closer.

Breakfast. Convenience store breakfast. The She? A bacon, egg, and cheese breakfast croissant, 420 calories full of everything I’ve repeatedly told myself I no longer was going to eat. She, unfortunately, knows me by name. The sandwiches are strategically placed so that my walk from the beverage station to the register takes me right by them every morning. It’s a highly effective merchandising strategy.

What I end up carrying to the register tells me a great deal about myself in that moment.

When I’m feeling drained, frustrated, or annoyed, I’m much more likely to leave the store with a sandwich in hand. Those moments when I’m off purpose, when I’ve sorta lost my way, are the moments when I’ll revert to older habits which feel comfortably familiar, even if I know logically that they aren’t aligned with who it is I tell myself I desire to be. I know better, yet I do it anyway.

Conversely, in those moments when I’m on purpose, aligned with the vision of who it is I wish to grow into, the comfortably familiar old habits become anything but comfortable.

Sorry, breakfast sandwich.

Not today.

I’ve not ever been good at will power. The me trying to be stronger than me battle has never proven to Continue reading “Life Lessons From A Convenience Store Breakfast Sandwich” →

Constructing A Life Of Possibility and Abundance

What we choose to believe with shape us in any moment.

A major highway reconstruction project was recently shut down not too far from my home. The rumor is the project’s general contractor has filed for bankruptcy and this once thriving work area has become a dust bowl of a ghost town. With six years left on a seven year construction schedule everyone is in the dark as to what will happen next.

The main focal point of the work zone to this point is the half mile long concrete retaining wall being built to support the new expanded road surface. Only half of the wall has been poured. The other half is just exposed reinforcement bars which will remain exposed until the state decides what is next for this project.

Reinforcement bar, know as rebar in the trades, is vitally important in any concrete application. While concrete is solid, it has no tensile strength and lacks structural rigidity. Rebar provides that strength and stability, a skeletal framework of steel bars which are hidden on the inside of any concrete structure.

Seeing all this exposed rebar has gotten me to think about my own emotional strength and structural rigidity, my own internal skeletal framework of habits and beliefs which reinforce me.

My emotional rebar.

Poured reinforced concrete is engineered to withstand the predictable forces which it will be exposed to. It’s strength is calibrated and set. Unlike concrete, I find my strength requires more of an ongoing process of recalibration, of intentional reinforcement to better withstand both the predictable and unpredictable forces I as a human am exposed to.

The greatest source of personal recalibration is mindset. My strength is inevitably determined by how I Continue reading “Constructing A Life Of Possibility and Abundance” →

Unmute Yourself

8 billion people in this world, but you are the only one who can do this.

Creation is always intentional. It doesn’t dabble in random. All that has been created has a divine purpose within it, and that purpose was intended to be nurtured and fully expressed. That purpose is a voice, our own voice, and we are the only one who can bring it to the world.

If we chose to.

Sometimes we chose not to.

Sometimes we may feel our voice is unimportant, insignificant. We question our worth and even our worthiness of having been given anything of importance to offer the world, especially if others may have somehow planted any seeds of doubt within us which may have taken root. So we play small, and when we do we silence a voice only we are qualified to express.

Our own.

Your voice? It takes the form of the unique collection of talent, gifts, and abilities only you have been Continue reading “Unmute Yourself” →

Unpacking The Gift That Is You

You simply cannot escape the wrath of this man’s kindness.

A spontaneous left turn sent me off in an unfamiliar direction. As someone who appreciates consistency of routine, I will at times resist its very pull and venture off on a different path. Sometimes life uses those alternative routes to show me what it hopes I will see.

I’m heading south on Brayton Avenue and there he was. With determination and purpose in each intentional step, he walked as if he owned the sidewalk. He was there for a reason. That’s when I noticed The Wave. As each northbound vehicle approached him, up went his right arm, fingers fully extended, his hand enthusiastically greeting every driver passing by, making eye contact with each one. He was happy to see you, and he made sure you knew how happy he was to see you. Judging by the smiles on their Continue reading “Unpacking The Gift That Is You” →

This Is Your Season To Bloom

The sound of leaf blowers and lawn mowers never makes for a good alarm clock. Usually I’m up before the sun, but sometimes my body tells me it needs to sleep and on the rare occasion when my schedule allows I’m more than happy to oblige. This was one of those days.

Spring certainly is in the air here in Massachusetts. Lawns and gardens once again become the priority of many. Rakes and shovels groom and till, spreaders spread seed and feed, wheel barrows of fresh mulch cover the colorless flower beds. Rejuvenation is in full swing.

What if we treated ourselves the same way?

A beautiful yard and garden doesn’t happen by accident. Time, money, and intention are poured into creating and maintaining the desired landscaping outcome. But how much time, money, and intention do we pour into creating and maintaining the desired outcomes of our lives?

A beautiful life doesn’t happen by accident. Like a beautiful yard it requires awareness, intention, and attention. Left unchecked, weeds grow in gardens and often within us, and if we don’t tend to those weeds the weeds eventually take over, draining the gardens – and us – of much of our inherent beauty.

While you’re raking and mulching and tending to the external world around you this spring, how much time and intention are you giving to the beautiful garden which rests dormant within you?

Weed yourself of those thoughts and habits which no longer serve you. Feed yourself with love and compassion, patience and Continue reading “This Is Your Season To Bloom” →

What Would God Change About You?

Nothing.

In a Universe of intention, we are all created purposefully and deliberately, each of us a unique collection of talents, gifts, and abilities here to fully express the intention inherent with our creation.

Sometimes we forget that part.

Sometimes the inner and outer voices would have us believe a different story, the one in which we’re not good enough, smart enough, beautiful enough, or strong enough as we already are. We often feel a pressure to change, to abandon who we are in order to become something we inherently are not.

When we become something we are not, we abandon those things that make us the beautiful, never to be repeated, once in Continue reading “What Would God Change About You?” →

The Surprising Benefits Of Staring At The Sun

Cranes from dollar bills. Flowers from straw wrappers. Give my daughter something to fold and she probably will. It’s quite a joy watching her create something beautiful from something ordinary.

My origami skills, I’m afraid, leave a great deal to be desired. Although I do feel like I’ve been the one who has been folded.

Life has a way of doing that to us, it’s own version of origami, often folding us without us even being aware we’re being folded. Folded by the critical comments, unhealthy actions, and toxic opinions of others, especially in the formative years of our own self identity. Such folding impacts our experience and expectations, time often turning those folds into deep creases, continuously pressed even deeper into our psyche, reinforcing who it is we tell ourselves we are.

I’ve been folded and contorted into neither a crane nor a flower. I am just me, my final shape yet to be clearly defined. But folding is always a part of our evolution.

My journey into better understanding life and, in particular, my life has been a meandering maze of diving more deeply into me. Yes, I’ve been folded and molded and shaped into who I am today. But is who I am today who I was actually created to be? Like, are the labels and traditions and limitations I’ve accepted as true not actually the truth inherent with my creation?

Questioning something as significant as your identity involves a process of self awareness and examination. Sort of origami in Continue reading “The Surprising Benefits Of Staring At The Sun” →

Peter Mis LivingHalfFull.com

Lessons From A Life Unfolding

Tag: intention