Defiant Enthusiasm

“Five golden rings!”

It’s amazing how much noise 132 elementary school students can make. But there they were, on stage for the annual Holiday concert belting out “The 12 Days of Christmas” for a very appreciative audience.

It was a beautiful noise.

These kids were fully animated. Each day of the 12 included a visual interpretation of each gift given, from lords a-leaping to maids a-milking. Their enthusiasm was so infectious the crowd began to mimic the actions of the kids from their seats. Even Santa, who was sitting in the room, joined in as well.

The enthusiasm and energy these kids brought this day was genuine and real. They showed up, lined up, and dove all the way in. The innocence of youth provides plenty of room for joyous enthusiasm to be fully expressed.

For the rest of us, well, enthusiasm feels like a lot more work.

Life does have a way of trying to beat the enthusiasm out of us adults, doesn’t it? Enthusiasm is Continue reading “Defiant Enthusiasm” →

On The Days You Really Don’t Want To

I was looking forward to it all day.

Nothing.

As in doing nothing when I finally got back home.

Life can get rather busy, can’t it? Commitments, obligations, and responsibilities can collectively get quite heavy at times. But on this night, there was nothing to carry.

The start of the year marked a re-commitment to taking care of my physical self. A recent series of ailments and injuries sidetracked my exercise efforts for the better part of a year, and now I was determined to get back on track.

I mapped out a schedule, I knew what I was going to do, and I started doing it.

But this night was a welcomed night off.

Until I remembered it wasn’t.

While relaxing and decompressing, excited that I’d be able to get to bed a bit earlier than usual, Continue reading “On The Days You Really Don’t Want To” →

When You Focus Upon The Light

The broken pots told the story of why the red leaves and dirt littered the floor in front of me. The local garden center had a large display of Christmas poinsettias and a couple of these vibrant plants apparently had fallen off the table, their plastic pots breaking open as they hit the concrete floor below.

Seeing the plants out of their pots showed a cross section their life story. The dirt, the roots, the stems, and the leaves. The leaves always get the glory, but it all started in the dirt.

Before a flower is celebrated for it’s beauty, the seed begins the journey buried in darkness, covered, watered, and left on its own to find its way instinctively upward and towards an unseen light. From a human perspective, such a journey would be daunting and quite traumatic. But to a flower, it’s simply the process of growing.

As humans, dirt is often a part of our growth process. Dirt, in the form of disappointments, pain, Continue reading “When You Focus Upon The Light” →

The Gift Which Never Feels Like A Gift

I was hoping I wouldn’t see her.

But there she was.

It’s Sunday grocery shopping and I’m standing in the deli line, ticket number 117 in my hand. I see Janet working the slicer and I’m hoping that she won’t be the one who calls number 117.

Janet and I have issues. Actually, Janet has no idea I have issues with her. Janet, actually, has no idea who I even am.

And then she speaks.

“Number 117?”

Seriously?

My instructions from those at home who eat the freshly sliced deli meat is that the deli meat is to be sliced extremely thin. It sounds like a simple request, but for some reason asking Janet to slice the olive loaf extremely thin doesn’t make her happy. My request is always met with an indignant damning glance, as if I’ve instructed her to violate some sacred law of slicing sandwich meat. After a pronounced pause she say “you know, if you slice olive loaf too thin, all the olives will fall out”, her eyes still tensely locked with mine. “That’s OK…that’s how they like it”, I defiantly reassure her. “That’s OK.” With that, she sets the slicer’s thickness dial as low as she can and begrudgingly slices the meat as I requested it, holding up the first slice awaiting my approval before she continues. I silently nod my head once and the standoff is finally over.

In that same head I hear my indignant lament. “Can’t a man simply have his sandwich meat sliced the way he wants it without his motives being questioned? Do I really have to deal with this on a Sunday morning?”

But this really isn’t about Janet. What this is really about is why would I let such a scenario annoy me as much as it does?

If we are willing to look closely we will notice that within all of us lie triggers, those external occurrences and unmet expectations which habitually set us off emotionally. And no matter how we may choose to Continue reading “The Gift Which Never Feels Like A Gift” →

Turkeys, Trees, and The Tradition Of Pain

There’s nothing like the smell of chicken hearts and gizzards boiling in a sauce pan on the stove.

Deb is a holiday traditionalist. And one of her most important Thanksgiving traditions is making her Mom’s stuffing. It’s become a more significant tradition now that her Mom is no longer able to celebrate the holiday with her. For years they’d gather the day before Thanksgiving to combine the bread and the meat and the spices and, yes, the boiled chicken hearts and gizzards, and create a staple of their holiday meal.

It was more than just making stuffing. It was a bond between mother and daughter forged in the ritual of perpetuating a very important tradition.

Beautiful.

Yet, now bittersweet.

Sometimes the holidays can be quite painful. T’is not always the season to be jolly. Loss and emptiness can be excruciatingly magnified at a time of expected joy and glee. We’ve all experienced our own form of hurt, longing for what once was, longing for what never was, now seasonally contrasted against the backdrop of all things shiny and bright.

I think back to some of the more traumatic events in my life, wounds annually reopening as I balance my own levels of bitter and sweet this time of year. I think of friends and their childhood traumas and how their inner pain silently crushes their holiday spirit, no matter how much they may be smiling on the Continue reading “Turkeys, Trees, and The Tradition Of Pain” →

The Art Of Overcoming The Discomfort Of Growth

I think it was Kaylee’s first day working the register. The long line certainly didn’t ease any of her nervousness as she cautiously entered each item into the POS terminal.

Everyone in line demonstrated an admirable level of patience as she worked under the guidance of the store manager standing by her side. Even I demonstrated my own admirable level of patience as I awaited Kaylee to ring up the two large iced teas I held in my hands. Patience in these types of situations wasn’t something I was known for. Age brings with it a new level of awareness and maturity and I was able to give Kaylee the space she deserved to be new at something.

Hey, at some point in our lives we’ve all been new at something, right?

But did we always give ourselves a safe space for us to be new at something? To allow ourselves to be imperfect in the process?

Sometimes New comes with the expectation that I will seamlessly grasp that something New rather quickly. That my learning curve will not be a curve at all. That I am somehow exempt from the process Continue reading “The Art Of Overcoming The Discomfort Of Growth” →

Maybe The Answer Really Is Blowing In The Wind?

It would be such a convenient way of getting rid of my problems.

It’s Wednesday. Which means keep the windows closed. Hopefully that will keep most of the noise down.

Wednesday is the day when the landscaping crew shows up at the office complex. A team of hard-working men and women cut, trim, whack, rake, and edge, then comes my favorite part.

The leaf blowers.

They’re not just for blowing leaves.

Any pieces of grass which find their way onto the sidewalks or asphalt don’t stay there very long. The team of leaf blowers, with the machines strapped to their backs, make quick work of those rogue pieces of landscape debris.

Outside my window I have a bird’s eye view of the process. Essentially, the stuff which you don’t want to see is simply blown Continue reading “Maybe The Answer Really Is Blowing In The Wind?” →

An Emotional Spring Cleaning For The Next Season Of Your Life

It’s an annual ritual. As the seasons change and with warmer weather on the way, the content of my closets will also change. Down from the attic come the bins of the lighter clothing. Heading back into the attic are the heavier clothes needed to get through those colder months.

Swapping out the seasonal clothing allows me the chance to look at each item being unpacked. Does the item still fit? Is it something I actually want to wear again? Is it still in good condition? The items I am going to be putting away for the season undergo the same sort of evaluation.

Spring is a great time to reset and re-evaluate.

Not just when it comes to clothing.

It’s also a great time to look deeper into the emotional things we carry with us which we may have outgrown.

No matter the season, we carry our emotions with us year round. Emotions are important barometers which reflect our inner world. I’ve come to appreciate the ability to notice my emotions. To simply step back and observe exactly how I am feeling in any moment without judging myself for having the emotions that I feel.

I discovered that I, like every human, experience a wide range of emotions. Happy, sad, angry, disappointed, bitter, frustrated. Thoughts of doubt, fear, and unworthiness can often arise as well.

Like my process of evaluating my clothing at the end of each season, I also conduct a similar process with my emotions. A sort of an emotional spring cleaning. Through this filtering out process, I will look deeper into my emotions and see if any of them no l Continue reading “An Emotional Spring Cleaning For The Next Season Of Your Life” →

The Power of Surrender and Release

A beach day in January.

It’s my annual tradition.

East Beach in Westport. Around the the start of a new year I make my way here. Only at low tide will this beach reveal the limited amount of sand which exists on this narrow stretch of shore. This beach is mostly rocks and stones, each uniquely shaped and weathered by the power of the crashing waves they are constantly subjected to.

I come here to release. To release the things I choose not to carry with me into a new year. Emotional things. Like anger, doubt, fear, resentment, hurt, regret, frustration, bitterness…

Self awareness is a wonderful gift. Over the years I’ve gotten quite good at knowing me and accepting me. Compassionately. There is no good, bad, nor ugly. There just is. I’ve learned to just be aware of what I’m feeling and not judging myself for feeling what I feel. I know what I am carrying within me, and when I decide I don’t want to carry that emotional heaviness any longer I come here.

To throw it away.

Literally.

My “methodology” is rather crude and simple. A stone and a Sharpie. As I walk on the rocky shore I simply pick up a stone, Continue reading “The Power of Surrender and Release” →

Do You Want More Of What You’re Feeling?

10:01 AM.

The iPhone vibrates.

It’s a message.

From me.

To me.

“Do you want more of what you’re feeling?”

I schedule this to happen three times per day. And each time the alarm goes off, this question appears on my screen.

“Do you want more of what you’re feeling?”

It’s become an important question I ask of myself.

In order for me to know the honest answer to this question, I must stop for a moment and notice what I am actually feeling.

How am I doing? Happy? Sad? Angry? Indifferent? Stressed? Peaceful? Anxious?

Before I started asking myself this question, for the most part I never really knew how I was doing. The days would sort of run their course, meandering through various emotional and vibrational peaks and valleys, with me obliviously reacting to it all.

Feelings are important barometers because we tend to get more of what we are feeling. Angry Pete would find more things to be angry about, and the Peaceful Pete would effortlessly find more peace. Feelings have their own energetic vibration, and in a world greatly influenced by energetic vibration we get back more of what we are radiating outward.

Prompting me to check in with me shows me the path I am on. Most times I do want more of what I’m feeling. Occasionally, though, this momentary look into myself tells me that no, I don’t want more of what I’m feeling. Without judging myself harshly if I find myself misaligned from how I want to feel. I notice. I investigate. I adjust, if I desire to. It’s usually a quick process, but there are times when I need to go deeper and stay with the unwanted feelings, try and understand why they are there, and lovingly Continue reading “Do You Want More Of What You’re Feeling?” →

Peter Mis LivingHalfFull.com

Lessons From A Life Unfolding

Tag: emotions