Good Enough Seldom Is

Good Enough Seldom Is

With clarity and conviction in her voice I could tell she was a woman who knew what she wanted. 

“Margherita pizza, cooked well done, extra basil.” 

Yet when the pizza arrived, it wasn’t done exactly the way she wanted it done. After some initial griping to the other guests at the table about what was served to her, she quietly consumed her undercooked, slightly basil’d pizza, accepting less than what she wanted with every bite.

Why is it that we are so willing to accept less than what we know we want for ourselves?

Sometimes we settle because habitually we’ve always settled. We’ve been conditioned to settle because it’s always been easier and safer to accept less instead of fighting for what we know we want and deserve. Sometimes we don’t ask for what we want for fear of losing what we Continue reading “Good Enough Seldom Is”

Reapplying The Vision Of Your Life

Reapplying The Vision Of Your Life

It was time to do something special.

For my car.

Gassing up, I caught a glimpse out of the corner of my eye. A car wash. The car was on the filthy side and for some reason on this random day I decided to spend a couple of bucks and clean it up a bit.

I stopped at the kiosk as I approached the entrance. There I was presented with six different car wash options ranging from the basic wash to “The Works”. I don’t recall the exact name of the option I selected, but once my credit card payment was accepted the light turned green and into the wash bay I went.

All through the washing process a large LED indicator would light up and tell me exactly where we were in the cycle. Pre-Rinse, Foam Soak, Undercarriage Wash. Even Rain-X.

I wish they made Rain-X for humans.

The repellent nature of Rain-X causes water to bead up and easily run off coated surfaces, especially windshields. And sure enough with the final rinse of the washing process the water had nothing to cling to now that the car had just been coated.

As a human, sometimes things cling to me. Things get stuck, often becoming emotional things, Continue reading “Reapplying The Vision Of Your Life”

When You Know Where You’re Going It’s A Lot Easier To Get There

When You Know Where You’re Going It’s A Lot Easier To Get There

If only the Universe was always this clear.

The long meandering road by the beach ends with a stop sign. The intersection presents only two options. A left turn or a right one. Glancing up at the sign, I see that the names of the roads converging at this point are unusually descriptive. The road to the left is Purgatory Road. The road to the right is Paradise Avenue.

Purgatory or Paradise.

Which would you choose?

At first I found the sign a bit humorous, but on the drive home I started thing about some of the intersections I’ve come to in my own life. The choices I’ve had to make were not as clearly marked, there was never a sign to tell me where my choices would lead me. 

With no real signs to guide me, at times I’d simply remain at the stop signs for as long as I could. When unsure of which decision to make, sometimes making no decision was the comfortable decision. And if I had to make a decision, the safe one was usually the familiar one, even if I knew such a decision wasn’t in my best interest. My greatest moments of growth have been when I Continue reading “When You Know Where You’re Going It’s A Lot Easier To Get There”

The Clarity Of Impermanence

The Clarity Of Impermanence

I hadn’t seen Steve in quite a while. We grew up in the same neighborhood, a bunch of us kids enamored with hockey and The Three Stooges. We all knew him as Zig, a nickname my older brother had endowed upon him. I never asked why. Life eventually took all of us in different directions until the unexpected reunion of us neighborhood kids at Steve’s wake.

Losing a friend hits differently. I’ve lost both of my parents, and as painful as their passings were and at times continue to be, I’ve come to accept the inevitable progression of children eventually burying their parents. But there is no natural expected progression when losing someone your own age.

Seeing Steve for the last time brought back a plethora of happy memories of my childhood. I could see all of us again as we once were. 

And now one of us was no longer here. 

There was a sense of randomness about his passing. As if it could have been any one of us who was no longer here. It was in that randomness I felt the uncomfortable presence of Continue reading “The Clarity Of Impermanence”

8,600 Days Of Sobriety

8,600 Days Of Sobriety

It was like losing an old friend. Consistent. Reliable. Predictable. I recognized the arrangement had grown quite toxic, a toxicity I simply accepted as a fundamental cornerstone of the relationship for far longer than I should have. 

Alcohol. A trusted companion which always took me exactly where I thought I wanted to go. 

Until I no longer wanted to go there.

This week an important milestone snuck up on me. I had gone 8,600 days without alcohol. A month-long beer binge in December 2000 had pushed me to the point where I knew I needed to stop, at least temporarily. Honestly, the real challenge was seeing if I actually could. Now, over 23 years later, I guess I was able to definitively answer that question.

I never intended to quit drinking. I was simply taking a break, a longer break than usual. For several years prior I had given up beer for Lent, not for any religious purposes, but as a test to see if I could go 40 days without it. My abstinence would start earlier in 2001, six weeks ahead of Lent.

It wasn’t easy. Once my body recovered from what I had done to it in December, it was ready for more. And it wasn’t happy when I told it no. This temporary abstinence was a personal challenge and honestly I was deeply afraid I would fail. Established habits are powerful forces in life, even if those habits don’t serve you.

As I gained some traction with sobriety, I started to wonder how long I could actually keep it up. I’d always taken comfort in knowing Lent would end after 40 days and I’d then be free to go back to my usual intoxicated ways. After all, I never said I was quitting, right?

But this extended Lenten season would be different. The clarity of sobriety created a space of Continue reading “8,600 Days Of Sobriety”

Life’s Energy Will Meet You Exactly Where You Are

Life’s Energy Will Meet You Exactly Where You Are

I don’t know why but of late my social media feeds have felt like one never-ending commercial for psychics and manifestation coaches.

It’s not too often I read my horoscope, so I’m not sure why the algorithms thinks it’s something I have a real interest in. While I have a basic working understanding of the zodiac, it’s never been something I’ve felt compelled to more deeply explore.

Horoscopes can be fun to glance at once in a while, but for me they’ve always felt rather passive. Like, I don’t have to actually do anything. Fate is working out all the details and my destiny will be delivered directly to me.

One thing I’ve learned about life is destiny doesn’t do delivery. That is, if we’re home sitting on the couch waiting for our realized dreams to simply show up we’ll be sitting on the couch for a very long time. The life we want to experience requires us to actually go and create it. The Law fo Attraction requires us to actually take action, aligned and intentional action. The spiritual forces of the Universe will help us to Continue reading “Life’s Energy Will Meet You Exactly Where You Are”

The Long Road To Emotional Self Reliance

The Long Road To Emotional Self Reliance

I’ve been told I can be a bit extreme at times. If it’s worth doing, it’s worth over doing, right? It’s usually to my detriment, even if I know that going in. Yet here I go again, diving in deep.

I’ve never fully understood why.

It’s been a little over a week since I had my last sips of caffeine. Which is a huge deal for me, because I would inhale caffeine in the form of fresh brewed iced tea. Lots of iced tea. Most mornings caffeine was the BFF I couldn’t wait to hook up with. My habit was supported by the availability of fairly good iced tea I’d get a convenience store I would intentionally pass by each day. It’s cheap and easily accessible, the perfect breeding ground for me to over-indulge excessively.

As much as I enjoyed the first few of the several tall cups of my beverage each day, at some point it would start working against me. There is a diminishing return on the amount of caffeine I’d often consume. For a beverage which is supposed to perk me up, at the end of the day I’d be anything but perked. Yet tomorrow I would repeat the same process.

As I’ve made my way through the expected brutality of caffeine-withdrawal headaches, I began to look at my relationship with iced tea. Why do I drink so much? Why do I need to drink it at all?

This line of inner questioning was reminiscent to a conversation I had with myself 23 years earlier regarding my alcohol consumption. It was a relationship much like the one I had with iced tea. Why did I Continue reading “The Long Road To Emotional Self Reliance”

Life Lessons From A Convenience Store Breakfast Sandwich

Life Lessons From A Convenience Store Breakfast Sandwich

I could tell she wanted me by the way she silently spoke to me. Or, maybe it was I doing the wanting? Her presence alone would often draw me in, the heat from the warming table intensifying as I extended my hand closer and closer.

Breakfast. Convenience store breakfast. The She? A bacon, egg, and cheese breakfast croissant, 420 calories full of everything I’ve repeatedly told myself I no longer was going to eat. She, unfortunately, knows me by name. The sandwiches are strategically placed so that my walk from the beverage station to the register takes me right by them every morning. It’s a highly effective merchandising strategy.

What I end up carrying to the register tells me a great deal about myself in that moment.

When I’m feeling drained, frustrated, or annoyed, I’m much more likely to leave the store with a sandwich in hand. Those moments when I’m off purpose, when I’ve sorta lost my way, are the moments when I’ll revert to older habits which feel comfortably familiar, even if I know logically that they aren’t aligned with who it is I tell myself I desire to be. I know better, yet I do it anyway.

Conversely, in those moments when I’m on purpose, aligned with the vision of who it is I wish to grow into, the comfortably familiar old habits become anything but comfortable.

Sorry, breakfast sandwich.

Not today.

I’ve not ever been good at will power. The me trying to be stronger than me battle has never proven to Continue reading “Life Lessons From A Convenience Store Breakfast Sandwich”

An Unexpected Source Of Clarity

An Unexpected Source Of Clarity

Mention their names and you’d swear that they wouldn’t be good together. Polar opposites, most would agree. Yet, it’s that very polarity which can make them important partners.

For most of my life I’ve sought a level of clarity, of trying to understand who I am and what I am here to do with this one life I’ve been given. This inner journey has taken me in many different direction, each path directly or indirectly leading me closer to the clarity I’ve been seeking.

On this long and meandering quest I’ve learned a great deal about life and about myself. Paradoxically one of the key components on my path to clarity has been the introduction of doubt.

Doubt. As in uncertainty. As in compassionately questioning what it is I’ve been willing to accept about myself and what’s possible for me. My beliefs shape my identity, and my identity shapes how it is I allow my life to unfold.

What if what I believe about myself isn’t really true?

What if it actually is?

By introducing doubt into the equation of who it is I tell myself I am – or am not – I create the space for an inner dialog where a Continue reading “An Unexpected Source Of Clarity”

Embracing The Power Of Clarity

Embracing The Power Of Clarity

With a blizzard on the way, I was able to get my electrician neighbor to finally hook up my generator. Finally, because I was the one who had been putting it off, often forgetting I even had a generator which needed to be hooked up.

In the community where we live, good size storms have usually meant a loss of power. Trees vs. overhead power lines, and the trees usually win. No power means no heat, no water, and no light. Of all the things I take for granted in my life, electricity has to be in the Top 3. Does anyone ever marvel at flicking a switch on the wall and the lights magically turning on?

Now, should we lose power, with a few flicks of a few switches, heat, water, and light will be restored. The generator serving as a back up reserve fuel source to get me through the storms which arrive outside of my control.

Sometimes life gives us different types of storms to endure, where there aren’t a few simple switches to flick on and get our lives back to where we want them to be. These are the emotional storms, equally as unwanted as the ones nature brings upon us, but often far more damaging and painful.

It would be really cool if you could buy some sort of emergency emotional generator to get you through such storms.

I guess the only option is to create one.

When life knocks your power out, what reserves do you have available to keep you moving forward? Faith? Hope? Trust? For me, having the clarity of a vision as to what I want to create in my life has proven to be quite a powerful emotional resource, and understanding “why” that vision matters.

That hasn’t always been the case.

For much of my life I meandered about without a particularly clear and defined destination. Ever searching and seeking, I was no match for the storms of life which would show up, much like overhead power lines are no match for the weight of the snow and ice covered branches of the trees above them. My searching and seeking did eventually get me to a place where what I want and why I want it have become quite clear. That destination shapes every step of my journey. In that clarity is a strength, a resolve, and when the unexpected storms arise and knock me over, and they still do, it’s the conviction of clarity which serves as the fuel source to help me rise yet again and to keep myself moving forward.

“Pain pushes until vision pulls” as Michael Bernard Beckwith has often said. Four words which perfectly define the process of my own evolution.

Perhaps of yours as well?

Where is your vision taking you?