Know Yourself To Grow Yourself

All I heard was nothing.

Recently I discovered a rather interesting piece of music which contained absolutely zero music.

None.

It was composed by an American avant-garde composer John Cage, it’s initial performance in 1952. The title of this work is “4:33” as in 4 minutes and 33 seconds. Of silence. Of musicians seated and poised on stage simply silent and still for the next four and a half minutes.

The true music of this piece, according to Cage, is in the ambient noises found in the silence. Primarily noises from an uneasy audience not knowing what to do in the unconventional absence of sound.

An imaginative use of silence.

Silence can be uncomfortable, often labeled as awkward. And while silence has at times been both uncomfortable and awkward for me, silence has also been a transformative portal for my own inner growth and understanding.

Sitting in my own silence, I get to hear the not-so-ambient noises within me. I get to hear the Continue reading “Know Yourself To Grow Yourself” →

Gratitude Is The New Caffeine

I do admit I miss the jolt.

It was like zero to sixty in just a few sips.

I could always count on my morning indulgence of caffeine to quickly get me into an elevated state. Something would shift in me, turning me from sedan to sports car with the greatest of ease.

My relationship with moderation can be, at times, challenging, with indulgences quite capable of morphing into over indulgences. Caffeine was no exception, which is the main reason why I go to great lengths to now avoid it.

I give caffeine a great deal of credit in its ability to awaken a daily dormant version of me, changing my subdued inner perspective to one of enthusiasm and possibility. But I would now need to find a different source of fuel to ignite me in the morning.

My new beverage of choice is gratitude.

Sometimes I forget about gratitude. In my ever busy world surrounded by an abundance of blessings I Continue reading “Gratitude Is The New Caffeine” →

Watering The Trees That Were Never Planted

“The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago…”

Afternoon walks have become a welcome break in my work day. It’s a time to simply disconnect from the demands and pressures of the day and reconnect with me. If only for a little while.

On what has become my preferred route, I pass by a stately old home, subtly accentuated with the charming architectural design elements you’d expect to see in a home of this stature. The trees on this property stand equally majestic, beautifully asymmetrical and strong.

It was on a recent walk when I noticed one of the branches on the largest tree in the yard. With the branch running almost parallel to the ground my initial thought was how perfect that branch would have been for a tree swing.

Growing up we had such a swing in our yard, a simple wooden board for the seat supported by two long ropes wrapped around a supportive branch above. Hours were spent on that swing. It was an iconic symbol of my childhood and my intention was to someday re-create the same Continue reading “Watering The Trees That Were Never Planted” →

The Soul Knows What The Soul Really Needs

I’ve outgrown quite a bit in my life.

People. Situations. Belief systems. Excuses.

But I’ve never outgrown the scent of a brand new box of crayons.

I’m not exactly sure what it is. Maybe it brings me back to a much simpler time of my life. Maybe it reminds me of a time of unlimited possibilities where my imagination could colorfully come alive with a clean sheet of paper and a crayon in my hand. Maybe it prompts me to remember how much joy I was once able to experience by simply expressing myself creatively.

Somehow in exchange for growing up we are often forced to grow out of some of the activities which brought us so much happiness as a child. I guess we’re supposed to find more age-appropriate sources of joy. That upward spiral toward such joy often demands “bigger and Continue reading “The Soul Knows What The Soul Really Needs” →

The Best Life Hack Is No Hack At All

I’m fairly certain he didn’t notice me.

He was too busy making things happen.

In a rare moment of sitting down and relaxing I spied a spider diligently working spinning his web. Back and forth he went from the light fixture by the back door and up to the gutter creating an ever growing and symmetrical network of whatever spiders make their webs out of.

It was fascinating to watch the process of how he patiently and intentionally created his work of art. What I saw as art, he saw as something far more practical and essential to his survival.

If there were any short cuts to building a web, I don’t believe this spider was aware of them. His task looked pretty straight forward, perhaps even repetitive and monotonous. He knew what he needed to do and he simply did it.

Us humans are often inundated by so-called influencers and self-annointed experts trying to sell us their short cuts and ways to hack the system. Some will tell us that all we need to do is Continue reading “The Best Life Hack Is No Hack At All” →

Enthusiasm Is Always An Option

“Anesthesiologist.”

That was Avery’s response when I asked her what she intended to work towards as she’s now a week away from heading off to college. Avery is very intelligent, and when combined with her drive and work ethic she leaves you will the impression that she’ll become anything she wants to become.

On the cusp of an exciting new chapter of her life, her level of excitement and enthusiasm are infectious. She’s worked hard to get to this point and she’s ready to dive in to what’s next.

I have to admit, when I was young and heading off to college my level of enthusiasm was never at the same level as Avery’s. The only thing that was infectious was my indifference and sense of stagnation. Maybe it was my lack of direction or vision for my life, or maybe it was me not being ready or even willing to fully embrace the next chapter of my life.

My relationship with enthusiasm had always put the pressure on other people, external events, and desired outcomes to give me something to be excited about. There was no inner organic sense of enthusiasm to be found, especially as I assumed the responsibilities of being an adult.

In reality, there was plenty to be excited and enthusiastic about. If I simply decided to see life in that way.

One of the most important milestones in my emotional and spiritual evolution was when I began to assume full responsibility for my life experience. When I decided to hold myself accountable Continue reading “Enthusiasm Is Always An Option” →

When Butterflies Are Afraid To Fly

Caterpillars don’t really have much of a choice, do they?

Whether they like it or not, becoming the butterfly they were created to become is inevitable. A chrysalis is in their future, and on the other side they will be reborn and begin their life anew.

Butterflies have long been used as a metaphor for transformation. Their metamorphosis is spectacular yet relatable. And for those on their own journey of growth and evolution, the presence of a fluttering butterfly can be seen as a spiritual symbol of divine guidance and encouragement.

Unlike caterpillars, we humans do have a choice as to what we will grow into. Or not. We get to decide if we will continue to crawl or learn to fly.

Learning to fly is a messy process. Most human metamorphosis is. Becoming something other than what you’ve always been is a daunting process of unaccepting what you’ve always accepted about yourself as being true, making room for a new empowering story to take its place.

One of the greatest inhibitors to our willingness to fly is who we choose to surround ourselves with. As human caterpillars we are often surrounded by other human caterpillars, those who’ve never grown wings of their own, those who tend to want to keep others wingless as well. Those who’ve never flown can feel threatened by those who decide to do so.

We can easily let the familiarity of what’s always been derail what could be for us, keep us crawling and flightless. After all, if crawling is all we’ve known we can chose to accept that’s all Continue reading “When Butterflies Are Afraid To Fly” →

Mindfulness And Those Annoying Little Gelato Spoons

Thursday night. Old Town, Alexandria, VA. Our whirlwind trip to Washington, DC took us across the Potomac in search of a quick bite to eat as we prepared to head back north to our next destination.

We had packed quite a bit into a few days, and a relaxing dinner took us out of tourist mode for a little while. Sometimes vacations take on the same intensity vacations are supposed to take you away from. We managed to hit everything on the wish list, but we were always aware of where we were on our schedule.

After dinner we stumbled upon a small gelato shop. As an avid frozen treat consumer, stopping in was the easiest decision of the trip. After trying a few flavor samples, I settled upon the pistachio.

I’ve shed a great many less-than-healthy food vices in my lifetime. I’ve come to realize over the years the real issue for me, though, has less to do with the actual vice and more to do with my relationship with moderation. Cookies, donuts, alcohol, and caffeine were never ingested with moderation. If it was worth doing, it was worth over doing.

Especially when it came to frozen treats.

In my hand was a small cup of pistachio gelato. In my other hand was one of those annoyingly small plastic gelato spoons. As someone with a proven track record of over indulgence, the annoyingly small size of this spoon made over indulgence a substantial challenge for me.

Maybe that was the whole point?

As an over indulger, it’s always about the next bite. I’m sure the current bite is quite good, but honestly I usually never take the time to notice. The focus is on what’s next instead of what’s now. Continue reading “Mindfulness And Those Annoying Little Gelato Spoons” →

Christmas In July At The Beach

“Sunblock?”

“Cooler?”

“Towels?”

“Christmas tree?”

I’m not sure how long it takes for a tradition to become a tradition, but for the past few years we’ve celebrated Christmas in July. At the beach. I’m not sure why we started doing this in the first place. I’d seen photos of decorated Christmas trees on beaches primarily in the southern hemisphere where Christmas falls during their summer. It looked like a fun thing to do here.

One year after Christmas we got a great deal on a six-foot artificial tree and some cheap plastic ornaments and put them aside for a day in July. I even found a Santa bathing suit.

The tradition was born.

Setting up our tree for the first time was met with a weird curiosity by those beaching next to us. Their glances had a “what the hell are these people doing?” vibe to them. Once the tree was up Continue reading “Christmas In July At The Beach” →

8,600 Days Of Sobriety

It was like losing an old friend. Consistent. Reliable. Predictable. I recognized the arrangement had grown quite toxic, a toxicity I simply accepted as a fundamental cornerstone of the relationship for far longer than I should have.

Alcohol. A trusted companion which always took me exactly where I thought I wanted to go.

Until I no longer wanted to go there.

This week an important milestone snuck up on me. I had gone 8,600 days without alcohol. A month-long beer binge in December 2000 had pushed me to the point where I knew I needed to stop, at least temporarily. Honestly, the real challenge was seeing if I actually could. Now, over 23 years later, I guess I was able to definitively answer that question.

I never intended to quit drinking. I was simply taking a break, a longer break than usual. For several years prior I had given up beer for Lent, not for any religious purposes, but as a test to see if I could go 40 days without it. My abstinence would start earlier in 2001, six weeks ahead of Lent.

It wasn’t easy. Once my body recovered from what I had done to it in December, it was ready for more. And it wasn’t happy when I told it no. This temporary abstinence was a personal challenge and honestly I was deeply afraid I would fail. Established habits are powerful forces in life, even if those habits don’t serve you.

As I gained some traction with sobriety, I started to wonder how long I could actually keep it up. I’d always taken comfort in knowing Lent would end after 40 days and I’d then be free to go back to my usual intoxicated ways. After all, I never said I was quitting, right?

But this extended Lenten season would be different. The clarity of sobriety created a space of Continue reading “8,600 Days Of Sobriety” →

Peter Mis LivingHalfFull.com

Lessons From A Life Unfolding