Category: expectations

The Magnetic Nature Of Expectations

The Magnetic Nature Of Expectations

The quote arrived in a social media feed.

“Expect nothing. Appreciate everything.”

The appreciate everything part…I can learn to do that. But the expect nothing part?

Is that even possible?

I’m not sure where my expectations come from, but they’ve always been there in one form or another. Expectations for myself as well as expectations for others. Especially the ones I had for others. Buddha warned that unmet expectations certainly can be a source of great suffering.

That’s exactly what they’ve been for me.

My problem with my expectations is they would often contradict reality. It was me not accepting What Is in favor of how it is I felt it Should Be. Or needed it to be. Forcing is a form of fear, a need to control that which is out of your control. Yes, a perfect breeding ground for a great source of suffering to flourish in.

Releasing expectations is a pathway towards peace, but for me it’s been a bit of a rocky road. Having no expectations means no one can disappoint you nor let you down, right? But many attempts to expect nothing proved to be nothing more than jaded, passive aggressive attempts to defiantly deal with my Continue reading “The Magnetic Nature Of Expectations” →

Let Go Or Be Dragged

Let Go Or Be Dragged

A well-timed Zen proverb appeared in my social feed.

“Let go or be dragged.”

We’ve all been dragged, haven’t we? Dragged by holding on to expectations of wanting What Is to be other than it actually is. Dragged by well-intentioned hopes which have always remained nothing more than hopes.

Yet we continue to hold on, ever so tightly, our emotional hands blistered and bloodied as we relentlessly and blindly tighten our grip further.

Let go or be dragged.

Releasing expectations is always easier on paper. It requires getting comfortable with the uncomfortable, but in doing so it also creates the space for peace.

Your peace.

My peace.

As we head into a new year, we get to decide what we are willing to take with us. As far as expectations, the only ones I intend to take with me are the only ones I can control.

The ones I have for myself.

I’m letting go of the others.

So my blistered and bloodied hands can heal.

So I can get a more solid grasp on fulfilling the promise of my own creation.

Continue reading “Let Go Or Be Dragged” →

The Inheritance of Limitation

The Inheritance of Limitation

“So much for going for a small role, huh Dad?”

Her face was fully aglow from the brightness of the iPhone as she read the email. And in an instant the size of her eyes doubled.

She got the part.

My daughter auditioned for a rather important part in her school’s drama club performance of “Willy Wonka”. This being her first year in this new school, she would be competing with seasoned students, more well-known to those who make the ultimate decision as to who gets selected for the roles. And since she has never been in a school play before, I had actually tried to convince her to try out for a smaller, less visible role.

Something safer.

She didn’t quite see it that way.

One of the countless joys of being around my daughter is her blissful enthusiasm. Continue reading “The Inheritance of Limitation” →

Flowers, Weeds, and the Joy of Regret

Flowers, Weeds, and the Joy of Regret

“Why not change the world?”

This was the first slide of the presentation as we began the college tour. With each slide the university showcased it’s long history of how by creating of a curriculum and environment of innovation and excellence their students had, indeed, changed the world.

When I graduated from high school, I never went on a college tour. I was lucky to get accepted into a community college where no one was talking about changing anything, let alone changing the world.

As the presentation continued, I found myself wondering if the students in the tour group understood how huge of an opportunity this was. I know I surely saw it, wishing Continue reading “Flowers, Weeds, and the Joy of Regret” →

Have You Ever Thought About What You Are Thinking?

Have You Ever Thought About What You Are Thinking?

The young boy at the carnival looked confused. He was expecting his prize at the end of the ring toss game. But the prize was not forthcoming. Though unsuccessful in his attempt, he was told there’s a winner every time. Perplexed, the boy confronted the game operator. The unscrupulous response: “Yes, kid, there is a winner every time…and most of the time it’s me.”

Winning is an outcome, a result. Some days the results go our way and some days they don’t. Regardless of the result, an outcome has been determined and a winner has been crowned.

Life is full of outcomes, and while we focus on the larger wins and losses in life, one area which produces thousands of outcomes each day and so greatly impacts us is so often overlooked:

Our thoughts.

Every thought we have produces an outcome. The thoughts we have each day either Continue reading “Have You Ever Thought About What You Are Thinking?” →

Are You Feeding The Stray Dogs of Doubt?

Are You Feeding The Stray Dogs of Doubt?

They show up all the time, don’t they?

You know, those nagging thoughts of doubt, weakness, and unworthiness. Like stray dogs who keep showing up looking to be fed.

Because we just keep feeding them.

Minds, like stray dogs, habitually know where to go. It’s a matter of training and conditioning, and we’ve spent a lifetime training and conditioning our minds to respond to life’s challenges the way we do.

This can be either good or bad, depending on the thoughts we keep feeding.

Our thoughts are really an extension of what our expectations are for ourselves in any given moment. Those who expect good things will usually find them, while those who don’t expect things to go their way are usually never surprised when they don’t.

Certainly, our life experience greatly impacts our expectations. But the most powerful Continue reading “Are You Feeding The Stray Dogs of Doubt?” →

Expecting Green To Be Blue

Expecting Green To Be Blue

Funny how most of the important parts of our lives don’t come with any instructions. But buy a $10 toaster and inside the box you’ll find an owner’s manual with detailed instructions on how to turn soft room temperature bread into warm crusty bread. Usually this information is translated into several different languages, ensuring that a language barrier will never prevent any one from enjoying the simple pleasures of toast.

As much as I enjoy toast and the science and technology behind it, I’d like to think that a troubleshooting guide to life’s deeper questions would be far more valuable than figuring out how to get my bread to toast a little lighter.

Life, and all the questions that come along with it, is just one of those things you have to figure out on your own.

Perhaps life is just far too complicated to have all its mysteries resolved by following a few simple steps. And since no two of us are Continue reading “Expecting Green To Be Blue” →

Why You Really Need To Hug Your Toaster

Why You Really Need To Hug Your Toaster

Perhaps your toaster is trying to tell you something?

I never think about my toaster. Even when I’m plugging it in. Even when I’m putting my English muffins into the over-sized slots. I never think about my toaster.

My toaster is just sitting there on the counter. It’s always been on my counter. Probably always will be, too. It’s just one of those props on the set of my mornings, just like the coffee maker and the can opener.

My relationship with my toaster is decidedly one-sided. It’s always been about what the toaster can do for me. White, wheat, or Continue reading “Why You Really Need To Hug Your Toaster” →