Category: authenticity

Maybe You Should Pick Yourself First?

Maybe You Should Pick Yourself First?

It was a one-sided conversation, but sometimes that one side can tell you everything.

Standing in line at the grocery store is always longer around the holidays. It’s part of the tradition. Along with the obligatory crying baby, many in line kept themselves busy by scrolling through their phones waiting for the convoy of overstuffed shopping carts to eventually make their way to the cashier.

One woman in line was deeply engaged in what seemed to be a rather significant phone call. In this age of indifference, having personal conversations in public spaces has become rather ordinary. And this was a very personal conversation.

It was evident that this woman was having some sort of relationship issues. And the disdain and self-loathing radiating from her words indicated that this was not the first relationship she’s had issues with.

“I know how to pick ‘em, don’t I?”

You could feel her pain in those words, a pain I sensed she was very familiar with as history appeared to be repeating itself once again.

Maybe her problem wasn’t who she was picking. Maybe the problem is who she wasn’t picking.

Herself.

Relationships don’t come with instructions, do they? You kind of have to figure them out on your own. Ideally, though, you’d try and figure yourself out first. Traumas, those intentionally and unintentionally inflicted, can often instead send us down the path of looking outside of ourselves for what we can Continue reading “Maybe You Should Pick Yourself First?” →

Your Past Doesn’t Have To Be Your Future

Your Past Doesn’t Have To Be Your Future

I’ve never been good at being dishonest to others.

But I can be pretty good at lying to myself.

Manipulating the truth when engaging with others would always make me cringe, a painful side effect of knowingly not honoring the truth. Yet that cringe could easily be suppressed when I’d engage myself in discussing how I was not honoring the truth of my own authentic self. Lying to yourself by not accepting your true self is quite traumatic. But if that’s all you’ve known, it doesn’t really feel like you’re being emotionally dishonest with yourself at all.

We instinctively know when we are living inconsistently with our authentic self. Life feels like a compromise, we know we are settling, we disregard our value system and boundaries, we’re forcing what we know isn’t for us, often ignoring the clearly visible red flags and warning signs in hopes of making something work that really was never designed to work. It’s a painful process to witness or experience.

Somewhere along our life’s journey we felt our authentic self wasn’t good enough. Childhood is often a place where the vision of who we are is contorted and molded into who we are told to be. Parental expectations, peer pressure, conditional love, and a fear of being alone are powerful forces that can dim Continue reading “Your Past Doesn’t Have To Be Your Future” →

Creating Your Unapologetically Authentic Life

Creating Your Unapologetically Authentic Life

“Pain pushes until vision pulls.” – Michael Beckwith

It wasn’t a pleasant birthday. Yeah, I was happy to have been given another one. But this one had something it needed to tell me and it wasn’t going to stay silent.

As I approached this particular birthday, I began to hear some annoying voices I’d thought I had repressed. Annoying in the sense that I just didn’t want to deal with them but they showed up yet again. But I guess when you’re willing to have open and honest conversations with yourself about yourself that creates a safe space for some uncomfortable feedback.

There had always been this feeling of a misalignment of sorts, a long-running inner conflict between who I was and who I knew I was created to be. I’ve always been very grateful for What Is, but there was an unrelenting gnawing that I’d yet to allow myself to fully embrace what was possible for me. With yet another birthday just ahead that repressed voice of inauthenticity began to scream. Loudly.

There are many reasons why we live a life of Less Than. Of settling. Of abandoning our own authenticity, of habitually taking what we are given instead of creating what we know is possible. We Continue reading “Creating Your Unapologetically Authentic Life” →

A New Tradition Of Authentic Self Expression

A New Tradition Of Authentic Self Expression

Donuts.

I’m not a big fan of rumors, but when I hear one about donuts my ears do perk up just a little bit.

I’m at Alexa and Juan’s wedding. And there they are. Donuts. An entire table full of donuts. Some stacked high, others displayed on large platters. Donuts.

Having attended a fair amount of weddings over the years, I’ve never had donuts at the reception. Donuts took the place of the more traditional wedding cake. I do love cake, but donuts are as perfect as a dessert could ever be. As I munched on yet another donut I scored at the donut table, I started thinking about the traditions which make up what we’ve come to expect at ceremonies like weddings.

Weddings can often be pretty formulaic, almost an assembly line of sorts taking two committed people and merging them into a married couple. An assembly line built around a framework of traditions which are almost always expected to be upheld as part of that process even if those getting married perhaps didn’t honestly want to celebrate the most significant of their days in that manner.

Marriage is a sacred tradition. Not from a dogmatic standpoint. It’s far more significant than that. The voluntary union of two willing hearts committing themselves to each other for all their living days, no Continue reading “A New Tradition Of Authentic Self Expression” →