Sometimes the heavy days win. The weight of it all eventually buckling your emotional knees and all you want to do is get through it. Recoil. Ride the storm out.

Sometimes the storms within us rage far longer than we expect them to. Survival becomes the priority and in such a mode we often keep our heads down and playing small. In the face of the waves crashing upon us, it feels like the safest option.

But it’s not the only one.

Sometimes I get tired of being resilient, of pushing the same rock up the same hill, of having to rise above situations I did not create but impact me none the less. Sometimes I get tired of clearing such emotional rubble out of the way blocking my path forward. Sometimes I do catch myself with my head down and playing small.

It shows up in my energy and my actions. I notice the things I don’t want to do, the conversations I don’t want to have, my disinterest and indifference and apathetic efforts to do anything more than the bare minimum. Even when I know I’m playing small I can at times convince myself to stay there.

Even if I really don’t want to.

When I acknowledge I’m playing small it allows me to question why I am. It also allows me to change my momentum and start moving myself forward, if I’m ready to. Baby steps forward if that’s all I have to offer at the moment. Baby steps, but I’m moving forward.

Life gets hard at times. It just does. Sometimes pausing and taking cover is needed in order regain our emotional footing and mental clarity, to recharge for our ever-unfolding journey forward. 

Life isn’t linear. Neither is our own individual process of growth, discovery, and experience. 

We all get stuck. 

But just because we’re stuck doesn’t mean we have to stay there.

Photo by Niklas Hamann on Unsplash

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