The Magnetic Nature Of Expectations

The quote arrived in a social media feed.

“Expect nothing. Appreciate everything.”

The appreciate everything part…I can learn to do that. But the expect nothing part?

Is that even possible?

I’m not sure where my expectations come from, but they’ve always been there in one form or another. Expectations for myself as well as expectations for others. Especially the ones I had for others. Buddha warned that unmet expectations certainly can be a source of great suffering.

That’s exactly what they’ve been for me.

My problem with my expectations is they would often contradict reality. It was me not accepting What Is in favor of how it is I felt it Should Be. Or needed it to be. Forcing is a form of fear, a need to control that which is out of your control. Yes, a perfect breeding ground for a great source of suffering to flourish in.

Releasing expectations is a pathway towards peace, but for me it’s been a bit of a rocky road. Having no expectations means no one can disappoint you nor let you down, right? But many attempts to expect nothing proved to be nothing more than jaded, passive aggressive attempts to defiantly deal with my version of reality. While my defiance initially felt justified, I knew I still wasn’t releasing my need to control outcomes I could never possibly control. The fear was ever present. The suffering continued.

Maybe expecting nothing is an unrealistic ask?

My growth in this area of my life began when instead of banishing all expectations I learned to better manage them. For myself. For others.

But mostly for myself.

We all have complete control over what we expect from our self. Of how we decide to show up for our life. We set our standards. We set our boundaries. We set what we are willing to tolerate from others and, perhaps even more importantly, what we are willing to tolerate from ourself. Positively as well as negatively.

When you focus on living up to your own expectations for you, you spend far less time worried about your expectations of others.

I spend far less time worrying about others these days.

Like with all the growth I’ve experienced in my life, it’s always a process, a non-linear journey of steps forward and back, of lessons learned and often re-learned. I’m getting much better, but I’ve yet to always consistently meet the expectations I have for myself. I still have the capacity to let myself down at times. But an important part of my process is creating a safe and compassionate space for when I do come up short of what I expect for me.

Of all the expectations I have for myself, self-compassion is perhaps the most important one of all.

It’s something we all should be willing to expect from our self.

Given the magnetic nature of expectations, I’ve learned of the importance of monitoring what it is I expect from me. One of life’s great lessons is we will get more of what we expect to get. Even if we don’t really want it.

Have you ever wondered what it is you are expecting from you?

Photo by Farrel Nobel on Unsplash