Tag: triggers

The Gift Which Never Feels Like A Gift

The Gift Which Never Feels Like A Gift

I was hoping I wouldn’t see her.

But there she was.

It’s Sunday grocery shopping and I’m standing in the deli line, ticket number 117 in my hand. I see Janet working the slicer and I’m hoping that she won’t be the one who calls number 117.

Janet and I have issues. Actually, Janet has no idea I have issues with her. Janet, actually, has no idea who I even am.

And then she speaks.

“Number 117?”

Seriously?

My instructions from those at home who eat the freshly sliced deli meat is that the deli meat is to be sliced extremely thin. It sounds like a simple request, but for some reason asking Janet to slice the olive loaf extremely thin doesn’t make her happy. My request is always met with an indignant damning glance, as if I’ve instructed her to violate some sacred law of slicing sandwich meat. After a pronounced pause she say “you know, if you slice olive loaf too thin, all the olives will fall out”, her eyes still tensely locked with mine. “That’s OK…that’s how they like it”, I defiantly reassure her. “That’s OK.” With that, she sets the slicer’s thickness dial as low as she can and begrudgingly slices the meat as I requested it, holding up the first slice awaiting my approval before she continues. I silently nod my head once and the standoff is finally over.

In that same head I hear my indignant lament. “Can’t a man simply have his sandwich meat sliced the way he wants it without his motives being questioned? Do I really have to deal with this on a Sunday morning?”

But this really isn’t about Janet. What this is really about is why would I let such a scenario annoy me as much as it does?

If we are willing to look closely we will notice that within all of us lie triggers, those external occurrences and unmet expectations which habitually set us off emotionally. And no matter how we may choose to Continue reading “The Gift Which Never Feels Like A Gift” →

The Proper Use Of Middle Fingers

The Proper Use Of Middle Fingers

I could tell she’d done this before.

Arm fully extended, as was the middle finger on her left hand. All while maintaining perfect eye contact with me as she angrily and defiantly drove past me.

Apparently my driving skills did not meet her exacting standards, hence the middle finger feedback.

The world seems full of middle fingers these days. Perhaps everyone feels empowered as hostility and division have become seemingly commonplace and accepted. It’s easy to flip someone off perched high in the driver’s seat of an oversized SUV, just as it’s easy to trash someone on social media given the absence of physical proximity and the anonymity we can hide behind online, ever so brave behind the safety of a keyboard.

As much as I appreciated her feedback, I decided not to return the favor. I do have two middle fingers and I’ve certainly used them over the years to provide my own feedback to others. This time, I didn’t want to engage.

The price was too high.

When triggered, our response is always our choice. Returning fire might make you feel good in the Continue reading “The Proper Use Of Middle Fingers” →