Tag: meditation

The Gift Which Never Feels Like A Gift

The Gift Which Never Feels Like A Gift

I was hoping I wouldn’t see her.

But there she was.

It’s Sunday grocery shopping and I’m standing in the deli line, ticket number 117 in my hand. I see Janet working the slicer and I’m hoping that she won’t be the one who calls number 117.

Janet and I have issues. Actually, Janet has no idea I have issues with her. Janet, actually, has no idea who I even am.

And then she speaks.

“Number 117?”

Seriously?

My instructions from those at home who eat the freshly sliced deli meat is that the deli meat is to be sliced extremely thin. It sounds like a simple request, but for some reason asking Janet to slice the olive loaf extremely thin doesn’t make her happy. My request is always met with an indignant damning glance, as if I’ve instructed her to violate some sacred law of slicing sandwich meat. After a pronounced pause she say “you know, if you slice olive loaf too thin, all the olives will fall out”, her eyes still tensely locked with mine. “That’s OK…that’s how they like it”, I defiantly reassure her. “That’s OK.” With that, she sets the slicer’s thickness dial as low as she can and begrudgingly slices the meat as I requested it, holding up the first slice awaiting my approval before she continues. I silently nod my head once and the standoff is finally over.

In that same head I hear my indignant lament. “Can’t a man simply have his sandwich meat sliced the way he wants it without his motives being questioned? Do I really have to deal with this on a Sunday morning?”

But this really isn’t about Janet. What this is really about is why would I let such a scenario annoy me as much as it does?

If we are willing to look closely we will notice that within all of us lie triggers, those external occurrences and unmet expectations which habitually set us off emotionally. And no matter how we may choose to Continue reading “The Gift Which Never Feels Like A Gift” →

Controlling The Uncontrollable Mind

Controlling The Uncontrollable Mind

Perhaps your mind is like my mind?

My ever-distracted and noisy mind. Like an ultra-hyper new puppy. Like a sleep-deprived kid on a sugar high the day after Halloween bouncing off the walls.

And I’m supposed to be able to control that?

No wonder I sucked at meditation.

Maybe what sucked was my understanding of meditation.

I’d gotten quite consistent with my meditation practice. Showing up daily is kind of important if we hope to get better at doing just about anything. I’d set my timer, sit on my meditation bench, close my eyes, focus on my breath, and waited in silence for my own version of enlightenment to overtake me and bring me peace.

Instead my peace was consistently interrupted as those random thoughts relentlessly popped into my mind. “Did I pay the insurance?” “Why does my knee hurt?” “Why do these thoughts keep showing up?” As one would fade away another showed up close behind. Like a parade, a seemingly never-ending parade of thoughts doing all they could do to prevent peace from finding me.

I was wrong about meditation. I thought it was supposed to help me control my mind. I thought it was about creating the mental and emotional toughness to suppress and silence the noise in my head.

Sitting on my meditation bench each morning, I now fully expect my mind to be anything but quiet, especially initially.

But the important lesson is in the noise itself.

As I observe the active patterns of my thoughts, I am reminded of their impermanence. No matter how loudly they may scream, no Continue reading “Controlling The Uncontrollable Mind” →