Learning How To Love Each Other

I guess that makes me a killer?

A year ago I found myself wandering aimlessly on Main Street in Catskill, New York. It was a trip with some upstate friends I hadn’t seen in quite a while and we spent the day reconnecting in this village on the Hudson River. Main Street is home to a collection of funky little shops and restaurants, and it was in one of these funky little shops where I first saw her. I turned my head and there she was.

A bonsai tree.

I know nothing about bonsai trees, but this one just called me to it. I was immediately struck by its asymmetrical shape, sort of like an inverted Nike logo, as if its branches were silently flowing in the breeze. For just $35 I could take her home. In that moment I became a bonsai tree owner, envisioning myself as some sort of Zen master meticulously and intentionally caring for this little tree.

My Zen master vision not withstanding, a year later the vibrant and green bonsai tree I brought home with me is now brittle and brown. There is no life left in its branches and bark.

I thought I new how to take care of plants. How hard could it be? Water and sunshine, repeating as necessary. Apparently the needs of this bonsai tree were different than I assumed them to be. My indifference to its specific needs resulted in the demise of this beautiful tree.

I never made much effort to learn how to properly care for a bonsai tree. I didn’t think I needed to. I never asked specifically what I would need to do to keep this little tree vibrant and lush. Instead of seeking to understand what was needed from me in this relationship, I simply applied my assumptions as to what it would take to position this tree to thrive and grow.

My assumptions were wrong, and the bonsai is dead.

Had I bothered to do just a little bit of investigating as to what I would need to do to properly feed and care for this tree, the tree would still be alive. Continue reading “Learning How To Love Each Other” →

Making Space For The Hurt

I bet Mother’s Day has always sucked for Shawn and Zig.

Shawn and Zig were two friends I grew up with in the neighborhood. Both lost their Moms when they were quite young. They were old enough to understand what had happened, yet not quite old enough to understand why it happened.

I don’t think they’ve ever understood why, even all these decades later.

Their pain was never something they brought up. They just carried it with them, silently, as they bravely tried to move on with their forever-changed young lives. Time simply doesn’t heal wounds of this magnitude. You just learn to deal with it, in your own way, in your own time.

To look at them both you’d never know of the heaviness that was weighing them down, their pain undetectable to the uninitiated. But that’s kind of how we deal with our pains, isn’t it? Silently. Isolated. Our burden, ours alone to carry.

While pain may be visibly undetectable, life has taught me that the vast majority of us silently carry our own degree of pain and hurt just below the surface. Life certainly is a contact sport and we all have our scars and bruises inherent with simply being alive.

Everybody hurts.

Yet, do we make space for the hurt?

You’d think with the commonality of pain we all share we’d all be a bit more understanding. Since we do Continue reading “Making Space For The Hurt” →

The Problem With Gratitude

It’s a good question.

We know who we are grateful for in our lives, yet how often do we take the time to remind those who we appreciated that they are actually appreciated?

I was recently the recipient of a random act of gratitude. Unexpectedly, someone had gone out of their way to express how grateful they were for my contribution to a project we had both been working on. Honestly, I didn’t know how to respond, eventually finding the words “thank you” after instinctively attempting to minimize my contribution. The entire interaction, while appreciated, left me feeling a bit uncomfortable.

Why would something as powerful as gratitude ever feel uncomfortable to receive?

Perhaps it’s because we’re so used to not receiving it.

There is a degree of vulnerability associated with expressing gratitude. It’s often an interruption of the expected and usual conversations, and the recipient is left to wonder about the motivation behind why the gratitude was being expressed in the first place. The risk of being vulnerable is mitigated with our Continue reading “The Problem With Gratitude” →

I Found Your Broken Heart On The Beach

You’d think with all the miles I’ve walked on beaches over the years this would have happened sooner.

But there it was, at my feet.

A heart-shaped stone.

I’ve jealously seen a great many heart-shaped stones posted on social media, many from beaches I’ve actually walked on. Yet never had I seen one in real life. But there it was.

And it was broken.

The symmetrical shape of the symbol we equate with love wasn’t quite perfectly symmetrical. A small section on the upper left side had broken off, the roughness of the break contrasted against the weathered rounded and smoothed surface of the rest of the stone.

I found a broken heart on the beach.

This broken heart got me to thinking about the symbolism it may contain. Was there some significance in such a find? Was there a particular message or lesson behind me being in the right place at the right time to discover a fractured heart right in front of me?

A broken stone heart is easily seen. A human broken heart is much more difficult to see, the fractures and pain concealed within, with facades of smiles and laughter concealing the hurt even further.

Most of us with some years behind us carry within our own asymmetrical heart, a heart fractured and broken by the impact of simply being human, of simply being alive. Maybe finding this broken heart was to remind me that while broken hearts, specifically the human ones, can never be perfectly fixed, they can be cared for with love, kindness, patience, and understanding.

Hurt is universal.

So, too, is our capacity to respond with compassion.

Towards your heart.

And mine.

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

Love & Kindness Are Always In Season

Change.

Here in New England, October is full of changes. It’s getting colder. It’s getting darker. The leaves explode with their vibrant fiery colors, the foliage the defining signature of the season know as Fall.

As each season has it’s own unique characteristics, each will be rendered impermanent by time as one season eventually transitions into the next.

But some things need never be seasonally fleeting.

Like love.

And kindness.

The winds of the world can at times be cold and relentless. We can choose to respond with an equal Continue reading “Love & Kindness Are Always In Season” →

A New Tradition Of Authentic Self Expression

Donuts.

I’m not a big fan of rumors, but when I hear one about donuts my ears do perk up just a little bit.

I’m at Alexa and Juan’s wedding. And there they are. Donuts. An entire table full of donuts. Some stacked high, others displayed on large platters. Donuts.

Having attended a fair amount of weddings over the years, I’ve never had donuts at the reception. Donuts took the place of the more traditional wedding cake. I do love cake, but donuts are as perfect as a dessert could ever be. As I munched on yet another donut I scored at the donut table, I started thinking about the traditions which make up what we’ve come to expect at ceremonies like weddings.

Weddings can often be pretty formulaic, almost an assembly line of sorts taking two committed people and merging them into a married couple. An assembly line built around a framework of traditions which are almost always expected to be upheld as part of that process even if those getting married perhaps didn’t honestly want to celebrate the most significant of their days in that manner.

Marriage is a sacred tradition. Not from a dogmatic standpoint. It’s far more significant than that. The voluntary union of two willing hearts committing themselves to each other for all their living days, no Continue reading “A New Tradition Of Authentic Self Expression” →

You Are A Superhero And Love Is Your Super Power

I’m not sure if I saw this coming. My daughter’s infatuation with super hero movies. It wasn’t something ever expressed when she was a child, but now you can be certain she has seen the most-recent Marvel release more that a few times. And she already knows when the next one will be released.

Super heroes have come a long way from the days of Superman and Batman from when I was a kid. I guess the world of super powers is a highly competitive one, with superheroes needing to step up their games in order to rule the box office.

We tend to think of super heroes as mythical beings gifted with unique talents, gifts, and abilities which can impact the world for good.

You don’t need to be mythical to impact the world.

Each of us is a superhero. Because each of us has the capacity to love.

Love is powerful. It heals, it saves, it protects, it creates, it soothes, it warms, it accepts, it restores, it Continue reading “You Are A Superhero And Love Is Your Super Power” →

Unpacking The Gift That Is You

You simply cannot escape the wrath of this man’s kindness.

A spontaneous left turn sent me off in an unfamiliar direction. As someone who appreciates consistency of routine, I will at times resist its very pull and venture off on a different path. Sometimes life uses those alternative routes to show me what it hopes I will see.

I’m heading south on Brayton Avenue and there he was. With determination and purpose in each intentional step, he walked as if he owned the sidewalk. He was there for a reason. That’s when I noticed The Wave. As each northbound vehicle approached him, up went his right arm, fingers fully extended, his hand enthusiastically greeting every driver passing by, making eye contact with each one. He was happy to see you, and he made sure you knew how happy he was to see you. Judging by the smiles on their Continue reading “Unpacking The Gift That Is You” →

Blessed Are The Cheerleaders

The ones who stand on the sidelines of your life, and no matter the score they remind you that the scoreboard isn’t an indication of your worth or value. That no matter the score they will always remind you how much they believe in you, support you, and will push you a bit further because they do.

While we often associate cheerleading with high school and college sports, some of the most important cheerleading is done in our adult lives, when the inner score isn’t as obvious to those outside, when life’s challenges and burdens are often dealt with in silence, when the adult world somehow outgrows encouragement and support at the exact time that we honestly probably need it the most.

Encouragement and support have no age restrictions.

Blessed are the cheerleaders, the ones who care enough to ask, who know that at times we’re not strong enough to ask. Blessed Continue reading “Blessed Are The Cheerleaders” →

A Teaspoon Of Love, Compassion, and Kindness?

Something was missing.

I’ve made my Turkey Chili & Beans for years. After countless tweaks and adjustments, the recipe has evolved into a family favorite. Always yummy all the time.

But this time it was off. It just didn’t have the flavor it was supposed to have.

That’s what happens when you forget to add the spices.

I had pre-portioned out the blend of cumin, cilantro, chili powder, and turmeric and set them aside, waiting for the right time to add them to the simmering pot. Apparently I forgot to add them in, and the result was rather bland.

The spices made up such a small percentage of all the ingredients, yet their absence made such a huge impact on the entire dish.

Little things certainly do make a big difference.

In cooking.

And in life.

Things like love, compassion, and kindness, three of life’s most important spices. Their absence will also make a huge impact. Yet their presence has the power to change the world.

Your world. My world. The entire world.

When life feels a bit bland, when it feels like something is missing, maybe that’s the time to add a bit of love, kindness, and Continue reading “A Teaspoon Of Love, Compassion, and Kindness?” →

Peter Mis LivingHalfFull.com

Lessons From A Life Unfolding

Tag: love