Tag: choice

Good Enough Seldom Is

Good Enough Seldom Is

With clarity and conviction in her voice I could tell she was a woman who knew what she wanted. 

“Margherita pizza, cooked well done, extra basil.” 

Yet when the pizza arrived, it wasn’t done exactly the way she wanted it done. After some initial griping to the other guests at the table about what was served to her, she quietly consumed her undercooked, slightly basil’d pizza, accepting less than what she wanted with every bite.

Why is it that we are so willing to accept less than what we know we want for ourselves?

Sometimes we settle because habitually we’ve always settled. We’ve been conditioned to settle because it’s always been easier and safer to accept less instead of fighting for what we know we want and deserve. Sometimes we don’t ask for what we want for fear of losing what we Continue reading “Good Enough Seldom Is” →

Embracing The Darkness

Embracing The Darkness

It’s here and it doesn’t care if I don’t like it.

The end of Daylight Savings Time gives me one extra hour of light in exchange for a season of increased darkness. That’s not a deal I would have made, but that’s the deal we get here in the Northern Hemisphere each November.

The older I get the more I think I’m solar powered. Daylight is a fuel source, and for the next few months that source will be in shorter supply.

The world always gives us the choice to embrace or resist what we see in front of us. Resisting What Is inevitably proves to be futile, embracing What Is doesn’t mean you actually like it.

The darkness is here and I get to decide what I am willing to do with it.

Most of my significant growth has come when I’ve embraced the darkness, of accepting the unlikable situations I’ve found myself in. In that darkness I’ve learned how I respond to the darkness around me. Frustration, patience, resilience, trust, anger…a full buffet of possible emotional reactions as I process and deal with the things I really don’t want to deal with.

My reactions don’t change the reality. My reactions show me how I’m dealing with it.

I don’t purposefully seek out darkness. It does have a way of finding me, though. And when it does find me I know as a human there is no one perfect response. 

But my best response starts with accepting What Is, embracing even the darkness, and allowing myself to move forward toward the light.

Photo by Zoltan Tasi on Unsplash

The Preference Not To Hate

The Preference Not To Hate

As soon as I opened the door I knew I was in trouble.

It’s Saturday morning and I’m heading out for a run. I’m out much earlier than usual in hopes of beating the July heat. But the heat had other plans and was already outside waiting for me.

I hate running in the heat, and on this day I felt empowered to remind myself that I did.

Adversity allows us to choose how we respond to it. Sometimes I respond by complaining about it, and sometimes that feels real good. I’ve come to notice, though, that complaining awakens a great deal of negativity within me. Acknowledging my hatred of running in the heat created my own inner heat, further compounding the adversity I already found myself facing. Not the best way to start a long run.

Not the best way to start most anything.

What if I chose not to hate?

Words matter greatly, and a word like “hate” is inherently hostile, often a disproportionate Continue reading “The Preference Not To Hate” →

When Butterflies Are Afraid To Fly

When Butterflies Are Afraid To Fly

Caterpillars don’t really have much of a choice, do they?

Whether they like it or not, becoming the butterfly they were created to become is inevitable. A chrysalis is in their future, and on the other side they will be reborn and begin their life anew.

Butterflies have long been used as a metaphor for transformation. Their metamorphosis is spectacular yet relatable. And for those on their own journey of growth and evolution, the presence of a fluttering butterfly can be seen as a spiritual symbol of divine guidance and encouragement.

Unlike caterpillars, we humans do have a choice as to what we will grow into. Or not. We get to decide if we will continue to crawl or learn to fly.

Learning to fly is a messy process. Most human metamorphosis is. Becoming something other than what you’ve always been is a daunting process of unaccepting what you’ve always accepted about yourself as being true, making room for a new empowering story to take its place.

One of the greatest inhibitors to our willingness to fly is who we choose to surround ourselves with. As human caterpillars we are often surrounded by other human caterpillars, those who’ve never grown wings of their own, those who tend to want to keep others wingless as well. Those who’ve never flown can feel threatened by those who decide to do so. 

We can easily let the familiarity of what’s always been derail what could be for us, keep us crawling and flightless. After all, if crawling is all we’ve known we can chose to accept that’s all Continue reading “When Butterflies Are Afraid To Fly” →

Smashing Through Your Own Glass Ceiling

Smashing Through Your Own Glass Ceiling

Instagram reminded me of an experiment I first saw years ago. Researchers had placed fleas into a glass jar and sealed it shut with the glass lid. Instinctively, the fleas attempted to jump out of the jar to their freedom but with each jump were stymied as they hit the glass lid above them. Frustrated, at some point the fleas simply stopped jumping. And when the researchers removed the glass lid, the fleas remained in the jar, now conditioned to accept their captivity even with the barrier to their freedom removed.

I kind of understand the fleas’ take on this. They tried repeatedly to make it out of the jar without success. At some point, when do you simply stop looking for a way out and accept your limitations and learn to live with them?

As part of my journey, I’ve thought a great deal about my own limitations. Specifically, where did they come from and who put them there? Limitations are an extension of a belief system, and my belief system for a good portion of my life was a belief system I inherited. No one ever sat me down and clearly defined the limitations I would eventually accept as my own. Rather, I witnessed them slowly unfold around me in real time, destined to perpetuate a belief system which I knew wouldn’t serve me but accepted none the less.

The glass ceiling on the jar of my life was never actually there. It didn’t matter, though. I never knew I could actually jump.

Until I decided to started jumping.

The things we choose to believe about who we are and what’s possible for us will greatly shape our identity, which will always shape our life. We can accept the limited version of where we are as some sort of fate or destiny, pointing to our life experience as evidence of such, further conditioned to accept our own form of captivity. Or, we can decide to think outside of the jar, out-jumping the limitations we’ve accepted, free to more fully express ourselves as we choose to redefine our self identity as one of possibility and expansion.

Limitations are simply opinions we’ve accepted as truths. But we get to decide what is true for us.

It doesn’t matter how those limitations got there.

What matters now is what we decide to do with them.

You’ll be amazed at how high you can jump…

Photo by Jilbert Ebrahimi on Unsplash

Perhaps Life’s Most Significant Choice?

Perhaps Life’s Most Significant Choice?

“Energies are contagious. Choose carefully. Your environment becomes you.”

It’s a Sunday tradition.

Meal prep.

I have a love/hate relationship with cooking. I love to cook, and I hate to clean up after I do. Especially when it takes longer to clean up than to actually eat.

A few years back I discovered meal prep. Each Sunday I’ll make a big batch of something and will pre-portion my creation into four matching containers. Lunch for the week is done. Sure, it’s the same lunch four days in a row, but the convenience outweighs any boredom from eating the same thing all week. It’s just one less thing to have to deal with each day.

The preferred protein is grilled chicken, usually marinated with olive oil, lemon juice, and an improvised combination of spices and herbs sort of just thrown in together. Like with any marinade, the longer the chicken soaks in its surroundings the more it becomes what it is soaking in.

It works for chicken.

It also works for humans.

The world around us acts as sort of a human marinade. What we are surrounded by will influence what we become. It will shape our views, opinions, actions, and possibilities. And the longer we soak in Continue reading “Perhaps Life’s Most Significant Choice?” →