Growth Isn’t Supposed To Be Pretty

There she was, all covered in mud.

It was beautiful.

On a recent run through the neighborhood I saw her parked in her driveway. She being a red Jeep Rubicon fully encrusted with several coats of dried dirt. I smiled just thinking about the fun had during the process of covering this beast with mud.

Jeeps were made to be driven, and this one was doing what it was created to do.

I want to be more like that Jeep.

For a good portion of my life I was anything but a Jeep. I was more like a rental car. I was simply going where I had to go, always living defensively, always worried about life’s scratches and dents. I just wanted to someday return my life in the same condition as it was given to me.

Playing small and living defensively isn’t what any of us were created to do.

The road to living the life we were created to live isn’t always straight, it isn’t always paved, and at times is poorly marked. It is full of ups and downs, starts and stops, unexpected breakdowns and Continue reading “Growth Isn’t Supposed To Be Pretty” →

Allowing What Is To Be Exactly What It Is

The new couch was perfect. The size, the style, the comfort, the price.

The only problem?

It was beige.

She wanted it to be grey.

Grey wasn’t an available option.

Life has a way of toying with our wants and needs sometimes, doesn’t it? Sometimes those wants and needs come so close to being met, with almost every box on our wish list checked.

Almost.

Those moments can be disappointing. Because we know how close to perfection we are. Yet we aren’t. And we probably aren’t going to to get any closer than we already are.

Standing just outside of perfection forces us into deciding if close enough is good enough. Those decisions are best made from a standpoint of allowing what is to be exactly as it is. Not from a position Continue reading “Allowing What Is To Be Exactly What It Is” →

The Proper Use Of Middle Fingers

I could tell she’d done this before.

Arm fully extended, as was the middle finger on her left hand. All while maintaining perfect eye contact with me as she angrily and defiantly drove past me.

Apparently my driving skills did not meet her exacting standards, hence the middle finger feedback.

The world seems full of middle fingers these days. Perhaps everyone feels empowered as hostility and division have become seemingly commonplace and accepted. It’s easy to flip someone off perched high in the driver’s seat of an oversized SUV, just as it’s easy to trash someone on social media given the absence of physical proximity and the anonymity we can hide behind online, ever so brave behind the safety of a keyboard.

As much as I appreciated her feedback, I decided not to return the favor. I do have two middle fingers and I’ve certainly used them over the years to provide my own feedback to others. This time, I didn’t want to engage.

The price was too high.

When triggered, our response is always our choice. Returning fire might make you feel good in the Continue reading “The Proper Use Of Middle Fingers” →

The 6 Universal Truths To Accept About Your Life

You’d think something as important as life would come with an instruction manual. Buy a new toaster and you’ll learn how to toast bread in several different languages. But life? It forces you to figure it out on your own. It’s a process, a meandering non-linear journey through mountains and valleys of joy and pain just to find a base level of understanding of this thing we call life. For those courageous enough to willingly search within, we often don’t fully understand what we’ve signed up for. But it’s a journey we know we simply need to embark upon. In the darkness we often find the light.

If I were to be tasked with creating an instruction manual for life, I’d include the following six foundational ideals I’ve learned the hard way. The hard way, forged in the fires of my own skepticism, doubt, denial, blame, resistance, and fear.

And finally, acceptance.

Perhaps my trials will save you some trials of your own.

YOU MATTER

At times life gets us to a point where we can question our own value. Our own worth. We can often feel unheard and unseen even by those closest to us, creating an emotionally dangerous space perpetuating the questioning of the significance of our existence.

In the ever-distracted world we all share, our focus is seldom placed upon reminding ourself of of our own significance. And how often are we reminded by others? But in this intentional universe, ever purposefully in its creation, the fact that you and I are here is evidence that we matter, even if we perhaps aren’t quite sure why. There are no spare parts in this intentional universe. It simply doesn’t work that way.

Yes, you matter.

YOU’RE NOT BROKEN AND YOU NEVER WERE

A lot has happened to you since the day you were born. Some of those things have greatly impacted your own sense of self. Of who you are. Of what you think is possible for you.

Humans, including some well-meaning humans, in their attempt to love you and keep you safe, often transplant their own fears and limitations and insecurities into the fertile grounds of a young children’s Continue reading “The 6 Universal Truths To Accept About Your Life” →

Life Lessons From A Convenience Store Breakfast Sandwich

I could tell she wanted me by the way she silently spoke to me. Or, maybe it was I doing the wanting? Her presence alone would often draw me in, the heat from the warming table intensifying as I extended my hand closer and closer.

Breakfast. Convenience store breakfast. The She? A bacon, egg, and cheese breakfast croissant, 420 calories full of everything I’ve repeatedly told myself I no longer was going to eat. She, unfortunately, knows me by name. The sandwiches are strategically placed so that my walk from the beverage station to the register takes me right by them every morning. It’s a highly effective merchandising strategy.

What I end up carrying to the register tells me a great deal about myself in that moment.

When I’m feeling drained, frustrated, or annoyed, I’m much more likely to leave the store with a sandwich in hand. Those moments when I’m off purpose, when I’ve sorta lost my way, are the moments when I’ll revert to older habits which feel comfortably familiar, even if I know logically that they aren’t aligned with who it is I tell myself I desire to be. I know better, yet I do it anyway.

Conversely, in those moments when I’m on purpose, aligned with the vision of who it is I wish to grow into, the comfortably familiar old habits become anything but comfortable.

Sorry, breakfast sandwich.

Not today.

I’ve not ever been good at will power. The me trying to be stronger than me battle has never proven to Continue reading “Life Lessons From A Convenience Store Breakfast Sandwich” →

Constructing A Life Of Possibility and Abundance

What we choose to believe with shape us in any moment.

A major highway reconstruction project was recently shut down not too far from my home. The rumor is the project’s general contractor has filed for bankruptcy and this once thriving work area has become a dust bowl of a ghost town. With six years left on a seven year construction schedule everyone is in the dark as to what will happen next.

The main focal point of the work zone to this point is the half mile long concrete retaining wall being built to support the new expanded road surface. Only half of the wall has been poured. The other half is just exposed reinforcement bars which will remain exposed until the state decides what is next for this project.

Reinforcement bar, know as rebar in the trades, is vitally important in any concrete application. While concrete is solid, it has no tensile strength and lacks structural rigidity. Rebar provides that strength and stability, a skeletal framework of steel bars which are hidden on the inside of any concrete structure.

Seeing all this exposed rebar has gotten me to think about my own emotional strength and structural rigidity, my own internal skeletal framework of habits and beliefs which reinforce me.

My emotional rebar.

Poured reinforced concrete is engineered to withstand the predictable forces which it will be exposed to. It’s strength is calibrated and set. Unlike concrete, I find my strength requires more of an ongoing process of recalibration, of intentional reinforcement to better withstand both the predictable and unpredictable forces I as a human am exposed to.

The greatest source of personal recalibration is mindset. My strength is inevitably determined by how I Continue reading “Constructing A Life Of Possibility and Abundance” →

Rediscovering The Reverence For The Greatest Gift Of All

Sometimes I still need to call myself out.

Unlike so many other times I’ve called myself out, which tended to border on abusive, this was more of a conversation between equals. This was me holding me accountable for me.

It felt like another day in a series of another days. Yesterday, today, and tomorrow just one seamless repetitively insignificant blur. No urgency. No passion. Just sorta showing up and going through the motions.

“Is that any way to treat the most important gift you’ve ever been given…your life?”

There is so much to be grateful for, yet with all that I’ve been given I can’t remember the last time I started my day with the reverence the gift of my life honesty deserves. The abundance of blessings has become ordinary, just a given, simply expected, like luxuriously plush bath towels at an exclusive resort you’ve been staying at for way too long.

Yes, I am intentional with my gratitude. Daily. It feels like a box I need to check off on my To Do list. But it never quite reaches the magnitude of that awe-struck kid on Christmas morning standing in front of Continue reading “Rediscovering The Reverence For The Greatest Gift Of All” →

Life Will Never Let You Outrun Yourself

It had been quite some time since my last road trip here. A four hour drive west to visit some lifelong friends, a visit long delayed and long overdue.

On many a previous trip the younger me would often wonder what my life would look and feel like if I were to pack everything up and physically relocated to this area. A beautiful part of the world, a beautiful place to start anew.

The only problem?

I’d be taking me with me.

The same me I’d been trying to run away from.

My unending search for whatever I felt was missing in my life always lead me to search in places I would never actually find it. Especially since I wasn’t even sure what it was I was hoping to find. Running away from What Is can take many different forms, not just physically moving into a new ZIP code. Distractions in the form of alcohol, stimulants, avoidance, denial, big ideas, and even blame all seem Continue reading “Life Will Never Let You Outrun Yourself” →

The Art Of Overcoming The Discomfort Of Growth

I think it was Kaylee’s first day working the register. The long line certainly didn’t ease any of her nervousness as she cautiously entered each item into the POS terminal.

Everyone in line demonstrated an admirable level of patience as she worked under the guidance of the store manager standing by her side. Even I demonstrated my own admirable level of patience as I awaited Kaylee to ring up the two large iced teas I held in my hands. Patience in these types of situations wasn’t something I was known for. Age brings with it a new level of awareness and maturity and I was able to give Kaylee the space she deserved to be new at something.

Hey, at some point in our lives we’ve all been new at something, right?

But did we always give ourselves a safe space for us to be new at something? To allow ourselves to be imperfect in the process?

Sometimes New comes with the expectation that I will seamlessly grasp that something New rather quickly. That my learning curve will not be a curve at all. That I am somehow exempt from the process Continue reading “The Art Of Overcoming The Discomfort Of Growth” →

Indignity, Indifference, And The Contemplation Of Freedom

“Man’s greatness consists in his ability to do and the proper application of his powers to things needed to be done.” – Frederick Douglass

Honestly, it’s not something I give much thought to.

The contemplation of freedom.

Like breathing, I guess it’s one of those things I’ve always enjoyed which is probably an underlying reason as to why I simply take it for granted.

On a visit to the city of my birth I made an unscheduled stop to the recently-opened Abolition Row Park in New Bedford. It is a relatively small park with a very big story to tell. Abolition Row Park sits across from two important buildings, both of which have been designated as National Historic Landmarks. Both of these buildings played significant roles as stations in the Underground Railroad sheltering escaped Slaves in a city which was an abolitionist haven. It was here in 1838 that Frederick Douglass was able to secure his freedom.

I cannot do the story of Frederick Douglass justice, not in this short format. His was an extraordinary life, his voice as an orator, writer, publisher, and preacher a significant and powerful voice in the abolitionist movement globally.

One of the most striking elements to be found in Abolition Row Park is a statue of Douglass. It’s not a Continue reading “Indignity, Indifference, And The Contemplation Of Freedom” →

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Lessons From A Life Unfolding