On The Days You Really Don’t Want To

I was looking forward to it all day.

Nothing.

As in doing nothing when I finally got back home.

Life can get rather busy, can’t it? Commitments, obligations, and responsibilities can collectively get quite heavy at times. But on this night, there was nothing to carry.

The start of the year marked a re-commitment to taking care of my physical self. A recent series of ailments and injuries sidetracked my exercise efforts for the better part of a year, and now I was determined to get back on track. 

I mapped out a schedule, I knew what I was going to do, and I started doing it.

But this night was a welcomed night off. 

Until I remembered it wasn’t.

While relaxing and decompressing, excited that I’d be able to get to bed a bit earlier than usual, I realized there was, in fact, a workout on the schedule that needed to be completed. I wasn’t too happy about it. Certain adult words of displeasure escaped my mouth as I grasped what was now ahead of me.

So much for getting to bed early.

I’ve learned commitment doesn’t have room for excuses. You’re either committed or you’re not. 

Was I actually committed?

I’ve had my share of commitment issues. Primarily self-commitment issues. Time after time I’d enthusiastically pronounce my intentions and dive in only to watch those commitments slowly fade into obscurity, with my excuse-filled inconsistency of action squarely to blame. On the days I didn’t want to I simply didn’t. 

But those are the very days in which commitment is truly born.

Commitment doesn’t have room for feelings. Commitment is about showing up, consistently, especially when you really don’t want to. It’s a promise we make to ourselves, for ourselves, about ourselves.

Commitments derailed by excuses or emotions aren’t really commitments at all.

Despite getting to bed much later than I had anticipated, I slept quite well that night knowing I had honored a commitment I had made to myself.

On a day I really didn’t want to.

For someone who grew quite comfortable not keeping the promises I’d make to myself, showing up when I really didn’t want to is quite a big deal for me. When you can trust yourself with your word, it dramatically changes the relationship you have with yourself.

Days can often conspire against you, whispering in your ear to remind you of how hard it is or how tired you may feel. But no matter how hard or how tired, how do you respond on the days you really don’t want to?

Photo by Janusz Walczak on Unsplash