Tag: Thanksgiving

Turkeys, Trees, and The Tradition Of Pain

Turkeys, Trees, and The Tradition Of Pain

There’s nothing like the smell of chicken hearts and gizzards boiling in a sauce pan on the stove.

Deb is a holiday traditionalist. And one of her most important Thanksgiving traditions is making her Mom’s stuffing. It’s become a more significant tradition now that her Mom is no longer able to celebrate the holiday with her. For years they’d gather the day before Thanksgiving to combine the bread and the meat and the spices and, yes, the boiled chicken hearts and gizzards, and create a staple of their holiday meal.

It was more than just making stuffing. It was a bond between mother and daughter forged in the ritual of perpetuating a very important tradition.

Beautiful.

Yet, now bittersweet.

Sometimes the holidays can be quite painful. T’is not always the season to be jolly. Loss and emptiness can be excruciatingly magnified at a time of expected joy and glee. We’ve all experienced our own form of hurt, longing for what once was, longing for what never was, now seasonally contrasted against the backdrop of all things shiny and bright.

I think back to some of the more traumatic events in my life, wounds annually reopening as I balance my own levels of bitter and sweet this time of year. I think of friends and their childhood traumas and how their inner pain silently crushes their holiday spirit, no matter how much they may be smiling on the Continue reading “Turkeys, Trees, and The Tradition Of Pain” →

Owning The Emptiness and The Permission To Grieve

Owning The Emptiness and The Permission To Grieve

Who knew that turkey gravy could be an emotional trigger?

My mom elevated turkey gravy to unprecedented levels. Flour, drippings, a little bit of this, a little bit of that. Pure magic.

I could drink her gravy by the bowl.

These days, making the gravy is my responsibility. Even with the same ingredients, try as I might I’ve yet to replicate her level of mastery. Maybe it’s a Mom thing?

This past Thanksgiving was the second one without Mom. She had long retired from cooking on Thanksgiving, but now she is no longer at the table with us.

I always think of her when I make the gravy. I can still see her at the stove with the metal whisk in her hand effortlessly beating the ingredients into a cohesive submission as the flames danced up the sides of the sauce pan. Not a measuring spoon in sight. She just knew.

It’s always an emotional time for me.

It’s a process, grieving is. A personal process. A non-linear often unpredictable process, often without an end date.

Often processed alone.

There is no one “right” way to grieve. No one “right” way to get to the other side of the pain. I’m not even sure if there is another side to get to.

Often we don’t understand why the hurt still hurts, why the emptiness still feels so empty. Especially when we try to convince Continue reading “Owning The Emptiness and The Permission To Grieve” →

Avoiding The Thanksgiving Surprise

Avoiding The Thanksgiving Surprise

Ever notice how when Thanksgiving approaches some people are surprised that it’s here already? Like it sort of snuck up on them and they never saw it coming?

And that leads to the obligatory conversation about how fast the year has gone by and wondering where the time actually went.

Like Thanksgiving, life, too, can often sneak up on you and before you know it you’re left wondering where the years of your life went. The speed of life can often feel like you’re just trying to keep up with it. When life is lived reacting to life itself there’s not much time left for living.

But isn’t living the real reason we are alive?

Time is moving and it’s not stopping. Not for anyone or anything. And since the clock isn’t stopping, isn’t now the time to make our life our real priority, to clarify and define exactly what the life we are here to live should look and feel like and then refocus our time and energy on making our vision our reality?

Don’t wait until the November of your life to start to living it.

You just might miss it.

It’s a great day to be you!

 

Photo by Elijah O’Donnell on Unsplash

Who Will You Be Thanking For All You Have Become?

Who Will You Be Thanking For All You Have Become?

You should have seen me, standing alone on stage under the bright lights with the shinning award in one hand and my prepared speech in the other, ready to thank the Academy.

Of course, the only place you could have seen this play out was in my mind. Because it never actually happened.

Sometimes when I’m watching those award shows on TV I playfully wonder who I would thank in my acceptance speech for winning a Grammy. I envision myself emotionally thanking everyone who has gotten me to this point, those who believed in me when I didn’t believe in myself, my family, my mentors, the fans…and, of course, Mom! Continue reading “Who Will You Be Thanking For All You Have Become?” →