Tag: hurt

Everything That Needs To Be Said

Everything That Needs To Be Said

Maybe we don’t have to fix the problem.

Resolve the issue.

Map out the next three steps.

In their moment of hurt perhaps all they want from us is our presence, to silently sit in their mud with them, to give them a safe space just to be, to remind them in the loneliest of moments that they aren’t really alone at all.

At a time where there are often no words, we need not bother looking for them. 

Sometimes our presence says everything that needs to be said.

Photo by Transly Translation Agency on Unsplash

The Ever Present Presence Of Pain

The Ever Present Presence Of Pain

The constant annoying chirp coming from the ceiling was doing me a huge favor. The batteries in the smoke detector were kind enough to tell me they needed to be changed. 

My annoyance eventually shifted to gratitude as I climbed the ladder and replaced the two AA batteries. Grateful to be made aware of a situation and to proactively take care of it.

But not everything that is broken tells us that it is.

Especially when it comes to people.

We humans are quite good at masking pain, aren’t we? Of hiding the hurt behind radiant smiles and jovial laughter, creating an outer perception of “all togetherness” while being anything but on the inside.

The expression of pain and hurt is viewed as a weakness, an emotional liability in a world which seemingly only values strength. So facades are built, walls are constructed, and the painful Continue reading “The Ever Present Presence Of Pain” →

Making Space For The Hurt

Making Space For The Hurt

I bet Mother’s Day has always sucked for Shawn and Zig.

Shawn and Zig were two friends I grew up with in the neighborhood. Both lost their Moms when they were quite young. They were old enough to understand what had happened, yet not quite old enough to understand why it happened.

I don’t think they’ve ever understood why, even all these decades later.

Their pain was never something they brought up. They just carried it with them, silently, as they bravely tried to move on with their forever-changed young lives. Time simply doesn’t heal wounds of this magnitude. You just learn to deal with it, in your own way, in your own time.

To look at them both you’d never know of the heaviness that was weighing them down, their pain undetectable to the uninitiated. But that’s kind of how we deal with our pains, isn’t it? Silently. Isolated. Our burden, ours alone to carry.

While pain may be visibly undetectable, life has taught me that the vast majority of us silently carry our own degree of pain and hurt just below the surface. Life certainly is a contact sport and we all have our scars and bruises inherent with simply being alive.

Everybody hurts.

Yet, do we make space for the hurt?

You’d think with the commonality of pain we all share we’d all be a bit more understanding. Since we do Continue reading “Making Space For The Hurt” →

Turkeys, Trees, and The Tradition Of Pain

Turkeys, Trees, and The Tradition Of Pain

There’s nothing like the smell of chicken hearts and gizzards boiling in a sauce pan on the stove.

Deb is a holiday traditionalist. And one of her most important Thanksgiving traditions is making her Mom’s stuffing. It’s become a more significant tradition now that her Mom is no longer able to celebrate the holiday with her. For years they’d gather the day before Thanksgiving to combine the bread and the meat and the spices and, yes, the boiled chicken hearts and gizzards, and create a staple of their holiday meal.

It was more than just making stuffing. It was a bond between mother and daughter forged in the ritual of perpetuating a very important tradition.

Beautiful.

Yet, now bittersweet.

Sometimes the holidays can be quite painful. T’is not always the season to be jolly. Loss and emptiness can be excruciatingly magnified at a time of expected joy and glee. We’ve all experienced our own form of hurt, longing for what once was, longing for what never was, now seasonally contrasted against the backdrop of all things shiny and bright.

I think back to some of the more traumatic events in my life, wounds annually reopening as I balance my own levels of bitter and sweet this time of year. I think of friends and their childhood traumas and how their inner pain silently crushes their holiday spirit, no matter how much they may be smiling on the Continue reading “Turkeys, Trees, and The Tradition Of Pain” →

Sometimes Commitment Hurts

Sometimes Commitment Hurts

Meloxican.

15 milligrams once per day.

“That’s should help with the inflammation.”

I’d never taken Meloxicam before. But I’d never been in such pain. A perhaps-overly-ambitious 10k run through the streets of my hometown eventually lead to a doctor’s visit. The tightness on the inside of my right knee kept getting tighter, especially when I finally finished my run. Walking had become an unexpected casualty as I hobbled my way back to the car.

Ouch.

I’ve run this particular course several times, although it had been a little while since I’ve done so. I wasn’t as prepared as I had hope to be, but I did commit to running this run and I decided to honor that commitment.

Sometimes commitments hurt.

I’ve got a good relationship with commitments these days. Especially with the commitments I make to myself. Those were the types of commitments I had a hard time keeping. One of the most significant growth milestones I’ve achieved upon my meandering life’s journey was embracing those promises I would make to myself. I was no longer willing to let myself down. I deserved better from me for me.

Commitments are a vital component of growth. Without it there is no growth.

Sometimes commitments do hurt. Growth often comes with a price, and often that price is pain. With my run, the pain was decidedly physical. But growth can come with emotional pain as well. Some may not understand the process you’re willing to put yourself through in order to achieve a goal Continue reading “Sometimes Commitment Hurts” →